Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Hotel barman came to hotel room door

184 replies

Goditsmemargaret · 17/04/2025 20:23

I'm a bit shaken up.

I'm on a city break with my DD 6. It's a European city, just the two of us. It's been a few days of activities, then we arrive back to the hotel and eat there in the quiet hotel bar.

There is a very friendly barman. He can't do enough for us. We've been chatting for around an hour in the evening. My DD chats but is mainly unwinding with her colouring. I've had one glass of wine every evening and then gone to bed early. He's been a bit flirty, nothing outrageous but I'm slightly wary given I'm a woman travelling alone with my daughter.

There was a group of loud men hanging around, some but not all had their wives with them. They didn't speak English but it was obvious one was making unpleasant remarks at me and they all laughed.

Tonight as usual we went up to bed before 8pm. She then proceeded to get sick all over the bathroom. I put her back to bed and cleaned it up using all the towels. I then phoned reception to apologise for leaving the towels outside the door on the corridor and asked for clean ones. They were having trouble hearing me so I emailed too (relevant as I emailed the info email).

Reception then appeared with fresh towels. I explained about the dirfy towels and we agreed I should take them back inside and leave them on the balcony. All was dealt with.

I heard some of the loud bar people come up and was cussing silently that they were on my floor.

Then another knock on the door and nothing else. I walked over and said hello. It was the barman. I asked him what he wanted. He asked could he help. I said no, she's asleep, goodnight. He then said if we need anything to come down. I said goodnight.

I don't know if I'm overreacting but I'm shaking now. I can't see any reason why he wouldn't just phone the room. I don't like the fact he came and knocked without saying who he was. I could have opened the door and then being manipulated into a conversation on an empty corridor.

Am I being paranoid? It felt very off.

OP posts:
ToKittyornottoKitty · 17/04/2025 22:54

BoundaryGirl3939 · 17/04/2025 22:50

Nope, a female who has travelled extensively. I generally find that European men are lovely. Sometimes friendlier than the Brits. British are cynical and can't figure out why someone might just be pleasant and kind. It's a bit sad.

Night.

What a load of crap. Europe doesn’t have sleazy men, sure!

Goditsmemargaret · 17/04/2025 22:54

BoundaryGirl3939 · 17/04/2025 22:50

Nope, a female who has travelled extensively. I generally find that European men are lovely. Sometimes friendlier than the Brits. British are cynical and can't figure out why someone might just be pleasant and kind. It's a bit sad.

Night.

I have also travelled extensively. I've had lots of nice random encounters with men; most platonic, some romantic. I've also been raped twenty five years ago.

Your attitude is weird AF.

OP posts:
SuperTrooper14 · 17/04/2025 22:51

BoundaryGirl3939 · 17/04/2025 22:45

How do you know they were making unpleasant remarks about you if you couldn't understand them?

And they would do this in front of a 6 year old child? Doesnt add up. Sorry op but considering you thought the barman was out to get you also, I think you're paranoid.

You are clearly a man if you think it’s impossible to tell when men are sleazing in another language. It’s not what they say but how they say it.

Goditsmemargaret · 17/04/2025 22:50

BoundaryGirl3939 · 17/04/2025 22:45

How do you know they were making unpleasant remarks about you if you couldn't understand them?

And they would do this in front of a 6 year old child? Doesnt add up. Sorry op but considering you thought the barman was out to get you also, I think you're paranoid.

They were very drunk and clearly sleazy. I've enough experience of sleazy men to recognise it. Apart from the three wives of their friends, there were no other women around. They did actually speak English too but instead opted to shout up at me in Danish. One had approached me earlier.

I'm not sure what point you're trying to make. I hate men or I think all men want to shag me? Neither is true.

OP posts:
BoundaryGirl3939 · 17/04/2025 22:50

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Nope, a female who has travelled extensively. I generally find that European men are lovely. Sometimes friendlier than the Brits. British are cynical and can't figure out why someone might just be pleasant and kind. It's a bit sad.

Night.

Summertimeblahness · 17/04/2025 22:48

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

My thoughts too. Do you think that yesterday’s news is angering the woMEN?

ToKittyornottoKitty · 17/04/2025 22:46

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

BoundaryGirl3939 · 17/04/2025 22:45

Goditsmemargaret · 17/04/2025 22:40

I'm sorry but are you seriously telling me you need to hear English words to know when a man is being sleazy towards you?

How do you know they were making unpleasant remarks about you if you couldn't understand them?

And they would do this in front of a 6 year old child? Doesnt add up. Sorry op but considering you thought the barman was out to get you also, I think you're paranoid.

pimplebum · 17/04/2025 22:45

I doubt he wanted a shag with a vomity child in the room but men have been known to do all sorts!

men don’t think sometimes how their actions cause us stress, a man ran past me yesterday passing by so close i could feel his breath , totally freaked me out as it was so unnecessary as the path was 2 metres wide !! , I kept thinking why ? How did he not realise that would freak me out and unsettle my walk for the next hour I was in higher alert than I needed to be watching out for him in case he came back

on balance I think he was being kind so try and relax

ToKittyornottoKitty · 17/04/2025 22:44

gannett · 17/04/2025 22:37

I've stayed in hundreds of hotels and it's more usual that staff don't call out who they when they knock on your door. I don't actually recall it happening for years - when I read in books about hearing a bright call of "Room service!" it seems rather anachronistic. I assume that's because if staff went around calling out every time they knocked on a guest's door that'd be very disturbing to other guests.

So I don't think "staying silent" (or anything else about this situation) is indicative of anything dodgy at all.

Neither do I, I was explaining something to another poster.

LittlerCharlotte · 17/04/2025 22:44

I'm glad you're feeling a bit reassured and I hope your little girl isn't sick again!

Goditsmemargaret · 17/04/2025 22:43

Purplepostit · 17/04/2025 22:40

he didn’t even know your daughter was sick though right? It happened when you got back to your room, and you called reception, not the bar. Is it a small hotel? Without that info he was just randomly seeing if you wanted anything and had memorised your hotel room? That would all freak me out too. Travelling alone and with a young child you’ll be on high alert. I think you’ll be safe tonight but would chain and put suitcase up at door to keep anyone out/make a noise to wake you up if stumble in.

No he did know. I'm confident now he was being helpful and I was anxious.

I'm still keeping the door blocked but I had been doing that anyway.

OP posts:
Goditsmemargaret · 17/04/2025 22:40

BoundaryGirl3939 · 17/04/2025 22:38

So you don't actually know what they said?

I'm sorry but are you seriously telling me you need to hear English words to know when a man is being sleazy towards you?

OP posts:
GiroJim100 · 17/04/2025 22:40

BoundaryGirl3939 · 17/04/2025 22:38

So you don't actually know what they said?

Oh come on, they were those horrible foreign types so they speak the international language of sleaze.

Purplepostit · 17/04/2025 22:40

he didn’t even know your daughter was sick though right? It happened when you got back to your room, and you called reception, not the bar. Is it a small hotel? Without that info he was just randomly seeing if you wanted anything and had memorised your hotel room? That would all freak me out too. Travelling alone and with a young child you’ll be on high alert. I think you’ll be safe tonight but would chain and put suitcase up at door to keep anyone out/make a noise to wake you up if stumble in.

GiroJim100 · 17/04/2025 22:39

It seems the moral of the story is don’t bother being kind and helpful to other people as you’ll just get accused of allsorts.

BoundaryGirl3939 · 17/04/2025 22:38

Goditsmemargaret · 17/04/2025 22:33

You are unbelievably ridiculous if (assuming you've been through puberty) you haven't got a radar for a letchy man, especially an inebriated one. There were two within the group. One had approached me alone earlier babbling shit and making grotesque noises, the moment he walked in the front door. I'd moved away from him fast and he vanished off towards the bedrooms.

He was back into the bar a little while later with his crowd, they all sat down and seemed in high spirits. He was on the side of the table that was all men, the other side had three couples. Himself and one other pig kept watching me and talking in my direction.

We left and they were still looking at me talking, then he yelled some stuff up the stairs towards me finished with 'please' and they laughed. I was concentrating on getting my daughter to bed without her noticing that I was slightly rattled.

There is nothing paranoid about it. Its called general cop on.

So you don't actually know what they said?

altmember · 17/04/2025 22:38

He probably came to the door rather than telephoning a) because it was less likely to wake your daughter, and b) to check the drunkards had gone back to their rooms rather than loitering in the corridor rowdily. Suspect you might also be being a bit paranoid about the unpleasant remarks too.

gannett · 17/04/2025 22:37

ToKittyornottoKitty · 17/04/2025 22:07

She explained what she meant, reception knocked on the door and said ‘it’s reception’ he knocked on the door and stayed silent and it unnerved her.

I've stayed in hundreds of hotels and it's more usual that staff don't call out who they when they knock on your door. I don't actually recall it happening for years - when I read in books about hearing a bright call of "Room service!" it seems rather anachronistic. I assume that's because if staff went around calling out every time they knocked on a guest's door that'd be very disturbing to other guests.

So I don't think "staying silent" (or anything else about this situation) is indicative of anything dodgy at all.

Goditsmemargaret · 17/04/2025 22:37

viques · 17/04/2025 22:26

I think his concern might have been with the rowdy men if he knew which floor they were on.

Yes probably! As I was paying I'd said "they are going to keep you busy" and he replied something slightly negative about them and was clearly wary.

OP posts:
Toddlerteaplease · 17/04/2025 22:36

He might have thought that you wouldn’t want to leave your daughter. He sounds genuinely concerned.

Zippityjumpingbean · 17/04/2025 22:35

Travelling alone with a young child is scary op, especially when something goes wrong and it’s all on you to fix it.
it sounds as if it’s been a crap evening.
in all probability the bar man felt that you had made friends, was concerned that you were having issues and came to see if he could help…probably!
but trust your instincts, make sure the door is secure tonight so you will sleep better.

Goditsmemargaret · 17/04/2025 22:35

ConnieSlow · 17/04/2025 22:26

Can’t imagine being so shaken up and first thing I think of is to write a long post on MN! Genuinely! I would either call reception or tell someone instead of a bunch of randoms who can’t help?
also what do you think he was hoping to do in your room knowing your child was there in with you?

Call reception and say what? This is AIBU, I was asking if this sounds normal. Pretty much everyone has said yes, it sounds fine, don't worry but keep the door locked.

OP posts:
JudasTree · 17/04/2025 22:33

MrsTerryPratchett · 17/04/2025 20:31

Schrödinger’s predator. Probably completely fine. But there’s never zero risk. Flirty + in person visit would trouble me.

Yeah, because he really thought he was going to get lucky with a puking six year old in a hotel room.

Goditsmemargaret · 17/04/2025 22:33

BoundaryGirl3939 · 17/04/2025 22:20

This post is ridiculous. Unbelievably ridiculous.

You are unbelievably ridiculous if (assuming you've been through puberty) you haven't got a radar for a letchy man, especially an inebriated one. There were two within the group. One had approached me alone earlier babbling shit and making grotesque noises, the moment he walked in the front door. I'd moved away from him fast and he vanished off towards the bedrooms.

He was back into the bar a little while later with his crowd, they all sat down and seemed in high spirits. He was on the side of the table that was all men, the other side had three couples. Himself and one other pig kept watching me and talking in my direction.

We left and they were still looking at me talking, then he yelled some stuff up the stairs towards me finished with 'please' and they laughed. I was concentrating on getting my daughter to bed without her noticing that I was slightly rattled.

There is nothing paranoid about it. Its called general cop on.

OP posts:
Swipe left for the next trending thread