Hotel barman came to hotel room door

I think the Liam Payne situation situation may have made some hotel staff more anxious about misadventure of drunk guests and where their responsibility begins and ends.

This.

I’ve stayed in hundreds of hotels. Staff don’t shout out there identity when they come to guests’ doors; that would be noisy and disruptive.

🙄

What if the housekeeper or reception manager were a man? Would that be sinister, too?

I was in London last week and sent out some laundry. The night reception manager brought it up to the room about 9pm. Should I have been paranoid he was after my body?

There’s nothing wrong with seeking assurance but you do seem over anxious. I think it’s odd that you assumed the drunk men were talking and laughing about you. You called and sent an email about your child being ill and needing help. So it’s perfectly understandable that you had a response to the call and the email. Anyway.. you feel the way you feel. None of what happened would have bothered me but I’m not you. Safe journey home.

Maybe the hotel aim to give personal service rather than just call?

I’ve seen hotel training documents from time to time. Many of them encourage employees to learn names, personal details, likes/dislikes etc and go out of their way to be helpful. Totally seems in line with that.

Also- you’re in another country. I don’t know where but norms around phone vs in person are different country to country.

So if a man shows concern that is an issue, if something happened the issue would be 'can't he see there is woman on her own! How could he not see she needs help men need to step up, you need to have his job, report him!!!'
Whatever he did would be wrong

I’m shocked at how many are saying he’s just being concerned & looking out for you!! Even if he just fancies OP he’s crossing a major professional boundary turning up at her door & without warning. I’d feel v uncomfortable too OP. He cld’ve telephoned or asked housekeeping/reception to check you were ok needed anything. I’m sure you’ll be fine & are safe enough though. Even if he thinks he’s being gallant I don’t like the assumption from him that he thinks it’s ok. It’s suggesting that he think OP may invite him in for a bit more. And that’s not cool.

Oh don’t go!

You called on the phone and they couldn't hear you and the barman then knocked on the door to check you were OK. Might not have been the same person or team that got the email and your call so I would not be alarmed by the second visit. Is it just good customer service? Leaving sicky towels in the corridor does sounds a bit disgusting though.

I think as none of us were there, we will never be able to offer a completely fair independent view of was it OK or not.

However, it seems that you were in a time of heightened anxiety, travelling alone with a young sick child, and having had an unpleasant experience with some other guests.

It is not unreasonable of you to have felt nervous or anxious of someone at the door checking you were OK.

But it might not be unreasonable for the barman who might have seen you seem in distress to have felt that it would be a kind thing to do to check in on you, especially if you had had several fairly long conversations.

It might be an instance of not right or wrong but just something that wasn't right for you at that point in time (but could be potentially reassuring for someone else in a similar siutation)

Women know, they always know

Trust your gut!

He sounds like a nice guy. Don’t worry.

You are not overreacting. Ignore these idiots that say you are.

So you are in a hotel, there are some men there that have been unpleasant to you already and are staying on your floor, that you are unhappy about. On top of this your DD is sick.

The barman is someone you have spoken with every night, he has heard your daughter is sick and probably realises that the other men are on your floor that you might not like.

He asked if you needed anything and told you to come down and let him know if you did. He did not ask to enter your room or for you to go anywhere with him.

I would sleep soundly tonight and in the back of my mind be grateful that he was trying to do the right thing. If your DD had been really sick, or if the other men on the floor were being a problem, you might have been really grateful for someone showing interest who speaks the local language and knows who to call in an emergency.

I can’t believe people are being so mean on this post. This woman is travelling alone with a child. She’d be stupid not to be on her guard. Then three things have happened which are not ordinary. 1. Some men have made leery comments 2. Her child is vomiting ( this alone is enough to send me into a flap) 3. A relative stranger is knocking on her door.
She’s bound to feel anxious. Anxiety is actually a very natural protective response to perceived danger. Some level of anxiety is perfectly healthy and normal.

YANBU

In customer service terms this is clearly incorrect IMO.

if you called the bar and ordered a drink and he asked if he should bring it up and you agreed -then ok.

But it is possible as you chatted to him for some time that he misread your warmth for something else. Not justifying that - just it sounds probable.

I can imagine that it was uncomfortable for you.

my experience of service industries is that no company except the highest luxury levels, wants to pay what it costs to retain really good people managers; consequently staff sometimes behave in bizarre and feral ways.
people are too expensive and good managers train staff well.
but what business can afford good managers in the service sector? 🤷‍♀️

but 'reception' could have been a man as well, a completely strange man even, that you didn't know at all?

I really think that it's hard for most men to put themselves in a woman's POV and see themselves as potential dangers. In his own mind, he knew that he wasn't intending anything to you, saw you as a friend and just wanted to see if he could help, so it probably didn't even occur to him that you might potentially see him in a different way.

Imagine, for example, that you were out with your dd and you saw another child on their own nearly run into traffic, so shout 'watch out' and then run over to see if they are okay - but the child is terrified of you because they've been told not to talk to strangers. You know you are only approaching out of good intentions but the child doesn't - to them you are a scary stranger who is much bigger than them and has just shouted at them. It's hard for adults to put themselves into children's shoes and see the world they do because it's been so long since we were children - and men have never been women so, with the best will and most empathy in the world they'll never really get it.

He probably doesn't think any differently of knocking on your door as he would on the door of a male guest.

Better to be safe than sorry so your right to be cautious but I do think this I'd a case of genuine concern being shown.
The behaviour of the group.towards you I the bar probably didn't go unnoticed by him, if he has been speaking to you every evening and he give night time staff are quite skeletal he would've heard about the sick kid and maybe thought he's pop up to ask if your OK genuinely. But you were right not to open the door to him.