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Hotel barman came to hotel room door

184 replies

Goditsmemargaret · 17/04/2025 20:23

I'm a bit shaken up.

I'm on a city break with my DD 6. It's a European city, just the two of us. It's been a few days of activities, then we arrive back to the hotel and eat there in the quiet hotel bar.

There is a very friendly barman. He can't do enough for us. We've been chatting for around an hour in the evening. My DD chats but is mainly unwinding with her colouring. I've had one glass of wine every evening and then gone to bed early. He's been a bit flirty, nothing outrageous but I'm slightly wary given I'm a woman travelling alone with my daughter.

There was a group of loud men hanging around, some but not all had their wives with them. They didn't speak English but it was obvious one was making unpleasant remarks at me and they all laughed.

Tonight as usual we went up to bed before 8pm. She then proceeded to get sick all over the bathroom. I put her back to bed and cleaned it up using all the towels. I then phoned reception to apologise for leaving the towels outside the door on the corridor and asked for clean ones. They were having trouble hearing me so I emailed too (relevant as I emailed the info email).

Reception then appeared with fresh towels. I explained about the dirfy towels and we agreed I should take them back inside and leave them on the balcony. All was dealt with.

I heard some of the loud bar people come up and was cussing silently that they were on my floor.

Then another knock on the door and nothing else. I walked over and said hello. It was the barman. I asked him what he wanted. He asked could he help. I said no, she's asleep, goodnight. He then said if we need anything to come down. I said goodnight.

I don't know if I'm overreacting but I'm shaking now. I can't see any reason why he wouldn't just phone the room. I don't like the fact he came and knocked without saying who he was. I could have opened the door and then being manipulated into a conversation on an empty corridor.

Am I being paranoid? It felt very off.

OP posts:
HiddenInCubeOfCheese · 18/04/2025 21:50

Lot of victim blaming for someone who really just needed a handhold. Weird.

Goditsmemargaret · 18/04/2025 21:50

JudasTree · 18/04/2025 21:36

You said you ‘went over and said hello’ and that it was the barman. Are you saying you said this through your locked hotel room door? And then lay awake half the night shaking because of a complete non-event, involving a member of staff presumably told by a colleague that your daughter had been sick everywhere?

Maybe he felt sorry for you having to spend a full night with a load of vomit-covered towels (which I think was slightly poor show from the hotel, even if they were on your balcony?)

You are a complete weirdo. I've said multiple times I spoke to him through the door.

OP posts:
JudasTree · 18/04/2025 21:36

Goditsmemargaret · 18/04/2025 21:20

What are you talking about? I did not open the door to the barman. I asked the receptionist to come up and opened it to him.

You said you ‘went over and said hello’ and that it was the barman. Are you saying you said this through your locked hotel room door? And then lay awake half the night shaking because of a complete non-event, involving a member of staff presumably told by a colleague that your daughter had been sick everywhere?

Maybe he felt sorry for you having to spend a full night with a load of vomit-covered towels (which I think was slightly poor show from the hotel, even if they were on your balcony?)

Goditsmemargaret · 18/04/2025 21:21

croydon15 · 18/04/2025 20:17

What l don't understand is if you are anxious opening the door in your nightie, don't you have a dressing gown/bath robe to put on before you open the door to a stranger. It seems a little early to be in a nightie.

No, I was on a city break with a 10kg luggage allowance. I didn't have a robe or dressing gown with me. I had gone upstairs and got undressed to get into bed with my daughter. She then got up and got sick.

OP posts:
ShockedandStunnedRepeatedly · 18/04/2025 21:20

croydon15 · 18/04/2025 20:17

What l don't understand is if you are anxious opening the door in your nightie, don't you have a dressing gown/bath robe to put on before you open the door to a stranger. It seems a little early to be in a nightie.

Have you never seen Ryanair’s baggage allowances?!

Goditsmemargaret · 18/04/2025 21:20

JudasTree · 18/04/2025 20:40

Caution, sure, but your ‘caution’ didn’t stop you opening the door. There’s no point at all to doing something then lying awake hyperventilating about it afterwards — it’s no protection to you or your child.

What are you talking about? I did not open the door to the barman. I asked the receptionist to come up and opened it to him.

OP posts:
JudasTree · 18/04/2025 20:40

Goditsmemargaret · 18/04/2025 19:12

Thank you and also - the receptionist was a man and I was happy to see him at my door as I was expecting him. It was the unexpected follow-up which threw me.

Anyway I got lots of support on this thread which I needed as I was lying awake feeling panicked. It was reassuring to hear that I was almost definitely worrying about nothing but that my reaction was normal and still better safe than sorry.

I'm still a bit agog at the very few posters who were so quick to point the finger about paranoia. What's wrong with being on the alert for danger as a woman not just traveling alone but with a child to look after her. Isn't paranoia or at least caution then warranted?

Caution, sure, but your ‘caution’ didn’t stop you opening the door. There’s no point at all to doing something then lying awake hyperventilating about it afterwards — it’s no protection to you or your child.

croydon15 · 18/04/2025 20:17

What l don't understand is if you are anxious opening the door in your nightie, don't you have a dressing gown/bath robe to put on before you open the door to a stranger. It seems a little early to be in a nightie.

ShockedandStunnedRepeatedly · 18/04/2025 19:49

OP - don’t feel bad. Forget it now. As pp wisely said, you never know, but unfortunately that is just part of being a woman. As MOST of us well know!!

Emonade · 18/04/2025 19:30

Goditsmemargaret · 17/04/2025 21:11

I did ask who it was. I never opened the door to him at all.

Reception knocked and said who they were at the same time.

Anyway the replies have reassured me. I am definitely feeling anxious due to my child being sick and we are away from her dad.

I feel bad now because, as I said, he couldn't do enough for us throughout the holiday. And I see the sense now of a gentle knock on the door. I also think the email probably got opened by him and he may not have even known reception arrived already with towels.

It’s totally inappropriate and I would be shaken up to

Calabasas · 18/04/2025 19:25

@Goditsmemargaret absolutely. If you’d opened your door & god forbid something awful did happen you’d be blamed for not taking enough precautions with someone who has clearly been flirting with you earlier.,AKA victim blaming. Can’t win. Glad you’re ok though & DD hopefully a bit better!

Goditsmemargaret · 18/04/2025 19:12

Calabasas · 18/04/2025 18:52

Don't be ridiculous you know that’s not the point the OP is making. The Night Reception Manager came & knocked on your door. Not the Chef, or the Barman? If one of those turned up & knocked without stating who they were would that not throw you a little? Esp if you’d been talking at length to one of them in the bar?? And ok maybe they were short staffed, maybe he doubles up on nights god only knows, but there are codes of conduct that are used profrssionally to ensure guests’ comfort & safety. I wld’nt like it if the barman who (may have been flirting with me) turned up at my door at night to answer my laundry query. If they at least knocked & adopted the professional formality to say who they were & why they were knocking then ok yes it would be more reassuring. But he according to OP did neither. Of course he cld also be a serial predatory rapist & use glib professional formalities to manipulate & charm his way into our confidence. Who would say flirting was consensual & you invited him into your home. We’ll never know. That’s the problem with being a woman isn’t it? 🙄

Thank you and also - the receptionist was a man and I was happy to see him at my door as I was expecting him. It was the unexpected follow-up which threw me.

Anyway I got lots of support on this thread which I needed as I was lying awake feeling panicked. It was reassuring to hear that I was almost definitely worrying about nothing but that my reaction was normal and still better safe than sorry.

I'm still a bit agog at the very few posters who were so quick to point the finger about paranoia. What's wrong with being on the alert for danger as a woman not just traveling alone but with a child to look after her. Isn't paranoia or at least caution then warranted?

OP posts:
Calabasas · 18/04/2025 18:53

Room not home

Calabasas · 18/04/2025 18:52

TheHerboriste · 18/04/2025 09:55

🙄

What if the housekeeper or reception manager were a man? Would that be sinister, too?

I was in London last week and sent out some laundry. The night reception manager brought it up to the room about 9pm. Should I have been paranoid he was after my body?

Don't be ridiculous you know that’s not the point the OP is making. The Night Reception Manager came & knocked on your door. Not the Chef, or the Barman? If one of those turned up & knocked without stating who they were would that not throw you a little? Esp if you’d been talking at length to one of them in the bar?? And ok maybe they were short staffed, maybe he doubles up on nights god only knows, but there are codes of conduct that are used profrssionally to ensure guests’ comfort & safety. I wld’nt like it if the barman who (may have been flirting with me) turned up at my door at night to answer my laundry query. If they at least knocked & adopted the professional formality to say who they were & why they were knocking then ok yes it would be more reassuring. But he according to OP did neither. Of course he cld also be a serial predatory rapist & use glib professional formalities to manipulate & charm his way into our confidence. Who would say flirting was consensual & you invited him into your home. We’ll never know. That’s the problem with being a woman isn’t it? 🙄

Mumofyellows · 18/04/2025 18:46

I can see you would feel a bit uncomfortable but honestly I'm sure he was just being nice, he may well have a taken a shine to you but if he was respectful and accepted you saying all is ok and he left then I would not over think it.
It's always daunting travelling alone with a child so natural to feel a bit on edge, especially with the toilet other guests and your DD being poorly.

Hmm1234 · 18/04/2025 18:35

I think he probably got misguided signals? Found you attractive? Etc it is uncalled for but I’m sure plenty of hotel staff both female and male have a reputation for being forward with guests. He could have also been fishing for tips? It’s how the hospitality industry is in many places. Keep your guard up and report to his senior if he tries again with any inappropriate advances.

Goditsmemargaret · 18/04/2025 12:32

BigAnne · 18/04/2025 11:40

@Goditsmemargaret what's your husband got to say about all this?

"I'm sure it's fine, keep the door locked. I hope you get a decent night sleep. See you soon, love you."

OP posts:
Hoppinggreen · 18/04/2025 11:49

Maybe he is creepy and maybe he is a nice man who wanted to help, its always good to be cautious but it sounds like you are both safe anyway.
I do think that you were maybe on high alert already due to the male groups behaviour and your DD being poorly but we have instincts for a reason
I hope your DD recovers well and you can enjoy the rest of the holiday

BigAnne · 18/04/2025 11:40

@Goditsmemargaret what's your husband got to say about all this?

Goditsmemargaret · 18/04/2025 11:38

Tootiredtowhat · 18/04/2025 11:32

He's been a bit flirty, nothing outrageous.

your opening post said he was being flirty. I wasn’t saying it’s wrong, or you should live like in the “handmaids tale”. But if a man is being flirty and that is received positively with you going back and chatting again and again, he wouldn’t be unreasonable to see if there was further interest. 🤷🏻‍♀️

I said "He's been a bit flirty, nothing outrageous but I'm slightly wary given I'm a woman travelling alone with my daughter."

I think we have different interpretations of flirty; he was friendly, funny and flattering. He wasn't telling me I was a very attractive woman and asking for my number.

OP posts:
Tootiredtowhat · 18/04/2025 11:32

Goditsmemargaret · 18/04/2025 11:26

To clear up a few things -

The receptionist WAS a man. This didn't bother me which is why I did not mention it. I'd contacted them for help and expected it to arrive. Nothing weird about that.

I'd phoned to see if they could remove the towels so they weren't left in the corridor. I was waiting inside the door for footsteps. I had rinsed the dirty towels and put them inside a clean one. The room was tiny and hot. I didn't want it to stink of vomit. The receptionist said the laundry room wasn't open but one of the rooms on my corridor was booked for later. After a little discussion I took them inside and put them on the balcony instead.

People saying I seem paranoid because I thought the (very) drunk men were laughing at me in the bar must have very poor instincts about potential trouble. They were leering at me, one had approached me earlier. They were then speaking about me (yes I know this for a fact) not in English - which is how they spoke (fairly rudely) to the barman - but in Danish then laughing. It was unpleasant, not terrifying, but enough to know I shouldn't be hanging around.

As for the poster saying I hadn't shut down the flirting. I'm a married woman travelling with my daughter, having a meal in a quiet bar chatting to the barman. I didn't realise I was living in The Handmaid's Tale. I wasn't flirting with him. I'm not sure if had actually taken a shine to me or he was just very charming. Everyone greeted him like a friend when they returned from a day out. It's still fine to be a little wary.

I don't think it's weird for me to have gotten a fright when there was an additional knock on the door, for me not to have opened it, further secured it and looked for some independent opinions on whether this seemed off.

He's been a bit flirty, nothing outrageous.

your opening post said he was being flirty. I wasn’t saying it’s wrong, or you should live like in the “handmaids tale”. But if a man is being flirty and that is received positively with you going back and chatting again and again, he wouldn’t be unreasonable to see if there was further interest. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Goditsmemargaret · 18/04/2025 11:28

TheHerboriste · 18/04/2025 09:55

🙄

What if the housekeeper or reception manager were a man? Would that be sinister, too?

I was in London last week and sent out some laundry. The night reception manager brought it up to the room about 9pm. Should I have been paranoid he was after my body?

Read my posts. Did I say anything about the (yes male) receptionist who dropped the towels up?

OP posts:
Goditsmemargaret · 18/04/2025 11:26

To clear up a few things -

The receptionist WAS a man. This didn't bother me which is why I did not mention it. I'd contacted them for help and expected it to arrive. Nothing weird about that.

I'd phoned to see if they could remove the towels so they weren't left in the corridor. I was waiting inside the door for footsteps. I had rinsed the dirty towels and put them inside a clean one. The room was tiny and hot. I didn't want it to stink of vomit. The receptionist said the laundry room wasn't open but one of the rooms on my corridor was booked for later. After a little discussion I took them inside and put them on the balcony instead.

People saying I seem paranoid because I thought the (very) drunk men were laughing at me in the bar must have very poor instincts about potential trouble. They were leering at me, one had approached me earlier. They were then speaking about me (yes I know this for a fact) not in English - which is how they spoke (fairly rudely) to the barman - but in Danish then laughing. It was unpleasant, not terrifying, but enough to know I shouldn't be hanging around.

As for the poster saying I hadn't shut down the flirting. I'm a married woman travelling with my daughter, having a meal in a quiet bar chatting to the barman. I didn't realise I was living in The Handmaid's Tale. I wasn't flirting with him. I'm not sure if had actually taken a shine to me or he was just very charming. Everyone greeted him like a friend when they returned from a day out. It's still fine to be a little wary.

I don't think it's weird for me to have gotten a fright when there was an additional knock on the door, for me not to have opened it, further secured it and looked for some independent opinions on whether this seemed off.

OP posts:
LittlerCharlotte · 18/04/2025 10:24

Glad you had a peaceful night. Safe journey home!

Tootiredtowhat · 18/04/2025 10:12

I think you were probably right in thinking he was trying something on. He’s been flirting with you all week, you haven’t shut it down and gone back night after night. He knew it was your last night, found an excuse and came up to see if he could seal the deal. You shut it down, so no harm done.

Leaving sick covered towels in the hallway is boke. Even if you wanted the staff to clear them away you should’ve kept them inside until they were ready to collect. It’s not fair on the other people using the hotel.

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