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AIBU?

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Original poster

to put a positive spin on going to the male toilets if I must

86 replies

Definitelynamechanged123 · 17/04/2025 19:25

So there's probably an upside

There are rarely any queues for the gents.

I can't use the urinals seeing as I no longer have a penis so I'll be using the cubicles and there's normally no queue for those.

Blokes tend to stare in front of them.

Blokes don't tend to spend a long time at the sinks.

But good God, there can be a smell.

OP posts:
RedHelenB · 17/04/2025 20:36

As long as there's a cubicle to use then you surely will.be ok? Maybe you could start campaigning to have male toilets changed so that they feel more comfortable for you? There are plenty of men who are supportive of teams wonen.

OopsyDaisie · 17/04/2025 20:34

The6thQueen · 17/04/2025 20:28

There is no answer that works for everyone in this decision.
I do believe it was the correct choice legally, but the ramifications for the trans community will be huge. I truly hope we can now work towards making spaces for them, that don’t involve the loss of women’s right to safety and spaces that are theirs.
Thank you for trying to put a positive spin on this OP. I can appreciate this must be difficult for you for many reasons, but I am grateful to you for trying to retain your humour and for respecting the decision.

This sums up how I feel about ir! I wish everyone could put it so eloquently.

IHeartHalloumi · 17/04/2025 20:32

The OP is male, and is highly likely to be correctly identified as a male by the other males in the facility. That assumes they bother to look at him- I don't tend to stare at people in the loos myself. If the OP objects to the state of the toilets they should report that to the shop/bar/council/owner (delete as appropriate).

Annascaul · 17/04/2025 20:32

Yetanothernewname101 · 17/04/2025 20:21

There are times when I don't feel safe in public toilets. It's nothing to do with other women who may or may not have the same equipment under their kilt as me. It's everything to do with women who have a similar hairstyle to my dearly departed abusive mother, and it's a trauma response. Or a woman who sounds like her.
We need gender-neutral spaces as well as single-sex spaces. Everyone deserves to feel safe, and to be able to use the toilets where they feel comfortable.

That doesn’t remotely sound like a toilet specific issue.

The6thQueen · 17/04/2025 20:28

There is no answer that works for everyone in this decision.
I do believe it was the correct choice legally, but the ramifications for the trans community will be huge. I truly hope we can now work towards making spaces for them, that don’t involve the loss of women’s right to safety and spaces that are theirs.
Thank you for trying to put a positive spin on this OP. I can appreciate this must be difficult for you for many reasons, but I am grateful to you for trying to retain your humour and for respecting the decision.

hazelnutvanillalatte · 17/04/2025 20:27

That nervousness is why women need women-only spaces

Original poster
Definitelynamechanged123 · 17/04/2025 20:27

MyUmberSeal · 17/04/2025 20:25

Because he chose to have it lopped off.

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Actually I think it was inverted inside me. I'm a bit unclear on the technicalities of the surgery.

OP posts:
MyUmberSeal · 17/04/2025 20:25

JLou08 · 17/04/2025 20:23

A 'male bodied' person has a penis. OP doesn't.

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Because he chose to have it lopped off.

MarlyMet · 17/04/2025 20:24

JLou08 · 17/04/2025 20:23

A 'male bodied' person has a penis. OP doesn't.

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What if a man has lost his penis due to injury or cancer or similar? Is he no longer a male bodied person? Should he not use the male toilets?

JLou08 · 17/04/2025 20:23

Annascaul · 17/04/2025 19:38

What’s horrendous about male bodied people no longer being allowed in women only spaces?

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A 'male bodied' person has a penis. OP doesn't.

Yetanothernewname101 · 17/04/2025 20:21

There are times when I don't feel safe in public toilets. It's nothing to do with other women who may or may not have the same equipment under their kilt as me. It's everything to do with women who have a similar hairstyle to my dearly departed abusive mother, and it's a trauma response. Or a woman who sounds like her.
We need gender-neutral spaces as well as single-sex spaces. Everyone deserves to feel safe, and to be able to use the toilets where they feel comfortable.

Annascaul · 17/04/2025 20:20

Definitelynamechanged123 · 17/04/2025 20:12

To be honest, I will be very nervous about using them. But that's my issue.

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Yes, it is.

Original poster
Definitelynamechanged123 · 17/04/2025 20:12

FeministUnderTheCatriarchy · 17/04/2025 20:09

If that is the case then I apologise. I have misunderstood the tone of your OP which is something I can do with being ND.

I don't think you should have ever been using the women's toilets, but if you are stopping doing so with a good attitude then I can respect that.

Show quote history

To be honest, I will be very nervous about using them. But that's my issue.

OP posts:
FeministUnderTheCatriarchy · 17/04/2025 20:09

Definitelynamechanged123 · 17/04/2025 20:08

It's a thread about putting a positive spin on going to the male toilets.

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If that is the case then I apologise. I have misunderstood the tone of your OP which is something I can do with being ND.

I don't think you should have ever been using the women's toilets, but if you are stopping doing so with a good attitude then I can respect that.

Original poster
Definitelynamechanged123 · 17/04/2025 20:08

FeministUnderTheCatriarchy · 17/04/2025 20:07

Now, now.
Let's not be obtuse.
We are presumably all adults here so we know how forums work.

You write an OP about a contentious topic. I respond with my opinions about your opinions.

Show quote history

It's a thread about putting a positive spin on going to the male toilets.

OP posts:
FeministUnderTheCatriarchy · 17/04/2025 20:07

Definitelynamechanged123 · 17/04/2025 20:04

This is a thread about using the male toilets.

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Now, now.
Let's not be obtuse.
We are presumably all adults here so we know how forums work.

You write an OP about a contentious topic. I respond with my opinions about your opinions.

Original poster
Definitelynamechanged123 · 17/04/2025 20:04

FeministUnderTheCatriarchy · 17/04/2025 20:00

The fact that you are taking the piss out of, well, taking a piss... Shows that you will now be using the facilities most appropriate for you.

Only someone who hasn't experienced girlhood and womanhood in this misogynistic, unsafe, patriarchal society would be so cavalier about the safety of women.

You can't be a woman because you aren't one. But also because you have absolutely no understanding of the daily impact that it has on our very existence.

You had an opportunity to prove a lot of us wrong about the attitudes of people who identify the way you do. You could have posted a respectful, mature message, empathising with how we feel.

It isn't a surprise that wasn't your instinct.

This is a thread about using the male toilets.

OP posts:
Sunshineandgrapefruit · 17/04/2025 20:03

Now the decision has been made I think the time has come to be understanding. Thank you for setting a good example op and I hope everyone can be supportive now and move forwards.

FeministUnderTheCatriarchy · 17/04/2025 20:00

The fact that you are taking the piss out of, well, taking a piss... Shows that you will now be using the facilities most appropriate for you.

Only someone who hasn't experienced girlhood and womanhood in this misogynistic, unsafe, patriarchal society would be so cavalier about the safety of women.

You can't be a woman because you aren't one. But also because you have absolutely no understanding of the daily impact that it has on our very existence.

You had an opportunity to prove a lot of us wrong about the attitudes of people who identify the way you do. You could have posted a respectful, mature message, empathising with how we feel.

It isn't a surprise that wasn't your instinct.

Original poster
Definitelynamechanged123 · 17/04/2025 19:58

lnks · 17/04/2025 19:41

What your OP demonstrates, is that despite the whole ‘need to use the women’s loos because I’m not safe in the men’s’, there’s absolutely no safety issue at all.

There's only one way to find out, isn't there...

OP posts:
SquashedSquid · 17/04/2025 19:56

RareMaker · 17/04/2025 19:36

Doesn't matter. That's what I would do. You can order online.

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What the actual fuck? Playing dress up isn't a disability. Stay out of our spaces.

Raquelos · 17/04/2025 19:53

Create a running commentary in your head in the voice of David Attenborough, note how different the behaviours of the inmates are from your own. Then go about your day knowing that you have done a good deed by respecting women's boundaries.

Big sympathy on the smell though.

Annascaul · 17/04/2025 19:46

lnks · 17/04/2025 19:41

What your OP demonstrates, is that despite the whole ‘need to use the women’s loos because I’m not safe in the men’s’, there’s absolutely no safety issue at all.

Exactly.

lnks · 17/04/2025 19:41

What your OP demonstrates, is that despite the whole ‘need to use the women’s loos because I’m not safe in the men’s’, there’s absolutely no safety issue at all.

MyUmberSeal · 17/04/2025 19:41

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