Stop wrapping things up!! (please!)

I know what you mean! I am German and live and work in the UK. Sometimes there is so much fluff that I can’t filter out the actual message. I usually just ask for clarification - you want the report to be longer?
I am trying to fluff up my bluntness a little, but there are limits to my ability to embellish simple requests.
I especially hate when coworkers ask for help, I offer to help and then they start a whole song and dance about how I should only help if it really is ok. It is exhausting.

It shows you are listening and aware of the social dynamics.. this is why people use tact. It can be cloying and OTT. A question of balance.

Why rush? Some moments deserve to be stretched—like sinking into a recliner after a long day.
Or just lounging on the recliner sofa, letting time slow down.
Not everything needs to be wrapped up so fast—comfort takes its own sweet time.

I'm with you OP. You made me smile, at a family gathering recently we all had to describe each other with one word. The winning word to describe me was .. blunt.

You could just rephrase it back to them ' so are you saying you want me to write a onger report?' 'no problem' etc everytime they will get tge idea and be more direct.

Think you could take your own advice, OP. A thread title along the lines of "be more blunt" would have made sense, rather than the vague wishy washy "stop wrapping things up" that led me to believe it was going to be a rant about wrapping paper..or maybe overpackaging, lol. I've never heard of "wrapping" being used metaphorically about people speaking indirectly.

In my last role i had two in my team who were so incapable of being clear that important info and requests were missed a lot. They drove me INSANE. And when I asked them to be clear about what they needed one started communicating like a dictator. Total overcorrection. Funny in hindsight but maddening.

I think the shit sandwich is a useful way to deliver bad news. Most people aren’t as welcoming of brutal truth as you and even you might get a little weary of it if you got it every day.

But it seems the problem is with the person who you wrote the report for. They wanted the report to be longer not more detailed. They clearly like a lot of verbiage so you are never going to get a concise direct conversation from them

And now we see why NL and Germany are such successful economies ! The way people pussyfoot around at work in the UK is embarrassing. People are paid to do a job and should absolutely be called out for taking the piss, as many do.

So true. my German husband goes through life thinking everyone thinks he’s fab and then if they spell it out he does the puzzled ‘well why didn’t you just say so?’ Because he’s not offended by the bluntness either!

Ahh the Dutch! So blunt, so rude.

The hilarity is watching Dutch people try and decode British savagery disguised as politely neutral feedback.

I would suggest moving to the Netherlands or Germany.

I am married to a German and have worked with a lot of Dutch people and they are much more direct. No shit sandwich - happy to just deliver the shit!

I have been known to say you're fishing for something and I don't know what, so could you please spit it out?

It’s quite an effort to get a top washed and dried overnight! It’s really not normal behaviour. Hence I assume it could only be linked to eg smell or that the top was particularly distinctive, eg colour or pattern?

But it makes no sense to me that anyone would comment on it because I have multiples of the same top that I wore like a uniform and never once did anyone notice or if they did, I doubt they cared. But it was just a black knitted top under a black suit jacket so it wasn’t very noticeable. But this was a very serious environment and clothes were not really the focus.

I agree OP, and I always think this when people on MN offer suggestions for what to say to someone who has annoyed them,or whatever. The suggestions are always full of passive agressive ‘wrappings’ 🙄

I'm a hypocrite because I'm far from blunt myself! But I hate all this wrapping up people do. I don't know where I stand! Sometimes it's hard work to figure out what people actually mean or are actually getting at! Just say it as it is. If you want something, ask. If you don't like something I did, tell me. If you want to know why I do something weird, ask..

• you lost me when you said you're far from blunt but you expect it from others!
• there is a balance and a middle line between being blunt aka bloody rude and being overly wordy and fluffy. It involved a steady gaze (not a stare) and "Please can you give a bit more detail in your report?", opening yo the opportunity for some dialogue. Rather than "this report is pointless without more detail" or the fluffy round about way you've described in your OP, neither of which are very useful approaches,

As someone who has to wade through lengthy, waffly reports written by psychologists, I feel despair that anyone would tell you to make them lengthier. I wish they were more concise and to the point.

Or, also

You could stop telling people what to do.

Why are posters assuming that OP didn’t wash her top between wears?

Well they were either being nosy wankers or, as is more likely, were probably concerned for your mental state. Not bothering about hygiene/your physical appearance or health is a classic sign of depression. They were possibly trying to look out for you without risking upsetting or challenging you. That’s surely a good thing?

You probably have more of an idea which is true by how they carry on and interact with others at work.

Also you expecting bluntness while admitting you’re not like that yourself - 🤷‍♀️ do you expect them to be mind readers?

It's not missing the point at all - it is a very, very odd thing to say to anyone almost as odd as wearing the same thing to work every day.

As for "wrapping things up", it's very much a judgement call, based on the dynamics of a situation and how well you know the person you are dealing with.

Also the usefulness of the statement has to be considered too. Take the OP's second example which reads:

Instead of: ' 'can you make the reports longer please', I get something like 'I love the way you write. It's so eloquent. I'd love to see a bit more of it and for your reports to be longer. I just love how you end with thought through conclusions (the shit sandwich).

In this instance, whilst the first part is more blunt and straight to the point (the 'can you make the reports longer please'), it is no more useful than anything else that is said in lieu of same, as it lacks any indication as to what exactly is required, other than more of it.

Thus, in that situation I'd be just as hacked-off with being asked if I could make a report longer as I would if it were "wrapped up", if it was that the request for a longer report did not come with instructions as to what exactly needs to be put in to make it "longer"...I expect this is because whilst I appreciate being straight to the point, I value outcomes even more...there's no point being blunt if the information given is lacking usefulness and outcome.

Wrapping it up is a perfectly normal way of expressing what the OP is saying, whether or not every single person in the world is familiar with the expression.

Also, has no one on here ever heard of washing machines? Just because you wear the same thing several times doesn't mean you haven't washed it or that you smell.

OP - YANBU. But maybe try to find a job where you don't work with psychologists!

YABU - sorry.

I suspect most people think they want to hear it straight and receive direct feedback or instructions.

But when it comes down to it, and do actually hear it straight, they don't like it and think their interlocutor is rude, think they are being bullied.

I'm totally with you. I've always been very direct but tend to find others so 'woolly'. Just say what you mean, and mean what you say Goddamit!!

I'm a bossy cunt and not worried. I can't imagine talking around things the way that OP has described in her examples, I would feel like I'm not actually asking anything to be done/ they aren't requests or questions.

"Your reports are great. I'd like to see more detail about x and ideally you should reach a minimum word count of y, because ..."

Thankfully I work with a bunch of Dutch and German men and they respond well to that, so...