Don't know how to explain how I feel about the SC decision

Hi,

Sorry if this is the millionth post on this. I am struggling with articulating my feelings about yesterday's verdict, and I'm struggling to discuss it with friends. I am pro womens rights but also pro trans rights, and I can't see how to articulate how I feel succinctly.

To put it very briefly I think anyone should be comfortable in being who they want to be, but not at the expense of someone else's fear/discomfort around who they are. I have been sexually abused and support women's single spaces. I have also been negatively affected by working in male dominated spaces. I feel very clearly that my life would have been far easier and happier had I been born a man.

I can't explain how I feel in that being a woman is about growing up as a woman, millions of little decision I make and have made is influenced by the fact that I am and have always been a woman. That is around fear, discrimination, complexity of emotions, different biological experiences (like periods, strength, body shape) etc etc. I feel that these are mine because I'm a woman, and they can never belong or be properly understood to someone who has grown up as a man.

I don't know why this is so important to me. I feel like I have and want to validate this, to defend it, to be allowed to have my experiences and feel the fear, sadness and pain that has been - and still will be in my future - associated with being a woman.

At the same time I often work within the trans community and they are also completely valid in their experiences and probably feel the same - Not included, disadvantaged, looked down upon. For not the same reasons, but with the same effect on them.

Please, does anyone have any advice as to how to articulate this to friends, family and peers? I really struggle with my words sometimes and have a lot of social anxiety. I am terrified of having any conversations around this.

I feel like I have to pick a side. I don't want to pick a side. I want everyone to be supported in the best way and I don't know how to do that.

Pay attention, if you're not familiar with Annex B you can Google it. What are called single sex wards are actually single 'gender' wards, except no one asked the patients. Patient info in my local hospital says 'you willl be cared for in a single sex bay' but actually the policy is as I stated above.

The hospital is under the impression that it is the law that transpeople have to be cared for in a ward they aligns with heir gender identity - I know because they put that in writing when I complained about it. They have been told this by Stonewall and other organisations.

Now, thanks to the Supreme Court ruling, the law is clear that sex means biological sex and providers who are offering services based on the single sex exemptions in the Equality Act need to offer that based on biological sex. Transpeople do not have the right to use single sex services provided for people of the biological sex they are not. They never had that right, and now that is clear.

Edited to add- a transwoman (ie a man) put on a women's ward would not be reported as a breach of the single sex regs. But the same man put on a women's ward bit not saying the magic words would.That's part of the problem.

I've come across some mental health wards that are 'mixed sex' on occasion but generally they have separate sleeping areas and corridors. It's only allowed "where it is in the overall best interest of the patient" - it's not standard.

I don’t have any advice im similar to you. I’m relieved women are protected and have the right to women only spaces . But I feel for trans women who also have a right to safety. There needs to be more done to recognise and protect trans peoples place in society but not at the expense of anyone else.

There are no mixed sex hospitals wards. It has to be reported if it happens. What do you mean?

I would love to know how it can ever be in the best interests of acutely mentally unwell, extremely vulnerable women to be detained on a small unit with men. I have to say, if you really believe decisions are made in the best interests of patients rather than the best interests of the budget of the local NHS trust, you're incredibly naive

I've come across some mental health wards that are 'mixed sex' on occasion but generally they have separate sleeping areas and corridors. It's only allowed "where it is in the overall best interest of the patient" - it's not standard.

Here's a screenshot of a local ward, taken from the relevant NHS website. Along with your claim about countries that have never had single sex toilets, I'm really not sure where you are getting your information from.

I think this is true. My true honest opinion is that I don't want to share. I don't want a man to 'become' a woman. Because being a woman is so much more than a man could ever understand or ever be. And I don't want to use unisex toilets if I'm on my period, or get changed in front of a man.

If I am being honest, I hate the aggression and assumption of hate that comes with the defence of trans rights over women's rights. As someone who was bullied for their looks and had an eating disorder for nearly 2 decades as a result, I hate how the physical appearance of women is the main way they are defined, and therefore someone can be a woman if they simply look like one. I am a scientist and also cannot and do not want to ignore science.

I feel though if I say these things I am transphobic. I really hate it. I hate how my friends are putting pride flags on socials media and saying that everyone is welcome and it's a sad day. I don't understand how it can get so twisted into black and white and I am so afraid of being labeled as a transphobic person of having my own quite simple sex based needs.

Ughhhh

It would have been reported as a breach. They aren't a thing in themselves.

Honestly, I have never given the tiniest shit about having female toilets. I don't care who I wash my hands with. Other countries have always had mixed toilets. It's a weird British thing.

Also all of these responses assume my friends are transwomen. I work with transmen, all of whom pass as men. The idea that they are now going to using women's toilets is crazy.

It would have been reported as a breach. They aren't a thing in themselves.

Honestly, I have never given the tiniest shit about having female toilets. I don't care who I wash my hands with. Other countries have always had mixed toilets. It's a weird British thing.

Also all of these responses assume my friends are transwomen. I work with transmen, all of whom pass as men. The idea that they are now going to using women's toilets is crazy.

What do you mean, there are no mixed sex hospital wards? I was a patient on one recently!

There are no mixed sex hospitals wards. It has to be reported if it happens. What do you mean?

Women's struggles and transwomen's struggles are both completely different types of struggle. One cannot possibly understand the other, going both ways.

Trans rights shouldn't be at the expense of womens rights, trans people should be supported and accepted but should have their own set of rights, not step into ours.

There are no mixed sex hospitals wards. It has to be reported if it happens. What do you mean?

And yesterday there was nothing to stop him walking into any women's toilet and claiming to be a trans woman, which would have been impossible to disprove because a trans woman is just a male person who says they are a woman.

Funnily enough this didn't seem to bother you.

Honestly, I have never given the tiniest shit about having female toilets. I don't care who I wash my hands with. Other countries have always had mixed toilets. It's a weird British thing.

Also all of these responses assume my friends are transwomen. I work with transmen, all of whom pass as men. The idea that they are now going to using women's toilets is crazy.

I have to agree about the deliberate manipulation of discussion to areas where it is easier to argue a case for mixed sex facilities. And I am planning on trying to arrange a meeting to speak to my MP about the issue of the potential dangers of mixed sex hospital wards.

I have said this elsewhere and will repeat here - toilets is not where you should focus. Unisex toilets are everywhere

unisex hospital wards or changing rooms or sport are much simpler areas to discuss - don’t let people with none honourable intentions steer you to the weak part of your arguments