BIL's new GF laughed at me and called me weird - AIBU

I wouldn't be wasting my time with this thick bitch. No siree.

if you do not want to spend time with her do not go

I;d have said 'It's the foxes' not "it will be the foxes mating cry, don't worry about it, they always mate at the end of January" "oh..yeah..Well I'm interested in wildlife and I like foxes so I remember they mate in January and have their cubs in March" "I quite like hearing them because it reminds me spring is coming".

Firstly, why should the OP be coy about it? If their family talk about things like this then it was a perfectly reasonable (and factually accurate) thing to say. The son would have learned something from it.

Secondly the OP only went on to say about January and March, and spring coming, was because she was called weird and was effectively defending herself. If the gf hadn't called her weird and done the eye roll, the issue would have been over after the OP's initial explanation to her son.

She sounds immature and dragged up.
For the sake of your husband give her one more chance.
If it is a repeat performance I wouldn't entertain her again, tell your husband that.
She was very rude.
Its likely who she is.

I'd let it go and meet again for your DH's sake, but be ready to politely bounce any rudeness back at her, eg "I wouldn't say it's weird, more common knowledge. Are you not interested in wildlife?"

YANBU. Socially awkward people tend not to call people weird.

I would tell DH that you’ll sit this out and he can get to know his new SIL. You can frame it as you saw she was nervous and she might be more comfortable if it was just DH there for now.

You are not anyone’s caretaker.

I'd be inclined to give her another go. Because she might be around for a long time! If she's still rude, then I wouldn't bother anymore.

You told a virtual stranger you like hearing foxes have sex and you reckon she is wrong??

This!

I’d go, but I’d be prepared to leave early citing an emergency or something. Then make it clear to your DH and his brother that any further attempts at socialising weren’t going to be repeated.

I understand ‘but faaamily’ but I also understand ‘feckin weird and rude’.

Could it be that she’s just not very bright? I would give it another go but swerve any other interaction if she is awkward again.

This.

I am old. I have discovered in my old age that first impressions are very often accurate ones. I've realised people I thought were dicks when I first met them are indeed just dicks. Just that over 20 or 30 years, I've been able to tolerate their dickishness to the point where I am immune to it.

I get how you felt offended, definitely. I’d give her another chance though and try to go without any preconceptions, as if it’s the first time you’ve met.
If she offends you again then you’d be right to want to avoid her in future where possible - obviously if she does end up as part of the family in the long term then you’ll have to try and get on as best you can.

It sounds like she was awkward in her response and then you were awkward in your response. Let it go and try again in a more neutral setting.

But when someone says something you find a bit odd, it's nice to have the most basic manners not to laugh in their face and mock them as weird. Twice. In their own home.

It's very weird to be stewing over this 4 months later.....

Yes, but you wouldn't necessarily say that'll be foxes having sex, to an 11yo or to a guest you barely know.

Nothing wrong with saying it, but I can see why someone might find it odd if that's not what they're used to.

Go to the pub - but give her the benefit of the doubt about the fox comments.
If her comment came out the wrong way, then she will be mortified.

If not ... remember the saying 'when someone shows you what they're like the first time - believe them'.

I would imagine most people in this country must know what foxes sound like when they're mating. Foxes are commonplace everywhere in Britain - you don't need to be rural to hear them. I live in London and the screeching is a regular feature of nighttime life!

So in reality she's the weird one for not knowing what a fox sounds like when it's mating.

To be honest, she sounds very young and very stupid and I wouldn't be interested in wasting an evening of my life making small talk with someone who doesn't have much of a brain or an ability to carry out a polite conversation. She was rude - being nervous doesn't make you repeatedly rude and insulting! - and frankly, ignorant. She sounds like a silly teenage girl, and if she's not a silly teenage girl, then she needs to grow up, pronto.

Your husband can go along to hang out with his brother if he wants, but if I were you, I'd unfortunately be busy spending time with people who can actually hold a conversation instead. If your BIL were engaged to her and it looked like she were going to become a permanent family fixture, I'd be more inclined to make an effort - but for a short term girlfriend who'd already been rude to me in my house, then no, I wouldn't be interested in spending an evening together. And I'd be telling my BIL why, too!

She sounds silly and bad mannered, but she is the new one to the group so why should you now start missing out on things? Just go for the meal and feel bad for her when she embarrasses herself again.

Bill Oddie, Clare Balding, David Attenborough. Who cares? Get over it.

When somebody shows you what they're like... Believe them

She made a scene in your house, at you while you were trying to comfort your child. I wouldn't be spending money on nights out with her until the relationship becomes serious & you've seen another side of her

(Also I would assume if you have foxes in the area you would know when they mate as you hear it every year)

@AlisounOfBath , he gives me the creeps.

Did it upset you that deeply to have it implied you are “weird”, by someone you yourself find weird? I quite like encountering wacky secondary characters in life, especially with DP. We can then have a good chat and giggle about it after.

It’s your BIL’s girlfriend, everyone’s life is going to be a lot easier if you just get on with it. I doubt she was looking to offend.