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AIBU?

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Original poster

BIL's new GF laughed at me and called me weird - AIBU

312 replies

comeandhaveteawithme · 17/04/2025 12:29

DH's brother got a new girlfriend around Christmas time. At the end of January, he brought her round to an evening gathering at our house.

At first it seemed to be going OK. The girl was really quiet and barely said a word at first which I put down to shyness.

During the evening, our DS (11) came downstairs from his room and said he was a bit scared because he'd heard a freaky noise outside. I said "oh, was it a screeching sound?" He said it was I said "it will be the foxes mating cry, don't worry about it, they always mate at the end of January" DS went back to bed, reassured.

The GF let out a high pitch screech of laughter and said "You KNOW exactly when foxes have sex! That's SO WIERD" with this continued high pitched laugh. Baring in mind she'd barely said a word all night and the first thing she says is that I'm weird, in my own house, I thought it was pretty rude of her.

But I just tried to be polite and said "oh..yeah..Well I'm interested in wildlife and I like foxes so I remember they mate in January and have their cubs in March" and then she sort of wrinkled her nose and gave a side eye so I felt awkward and carried blethering on and said "I quite like hearing them because it reminds me spring is coming". And she laughed again and said "you like hearing foxes have sex, so weird" then the subject changed.

Now BIL has suggested we all go out together for an evening at a pub.

AIBU to not really fancy it? First impressions of the GF really weren't great. She was rude and made me uncomfortable while a guest in my house and pretty much the only thing she said all night was to make fun of me. She also came across extremely immature.

DH thinks I'm too sensitive and should give her another chance.

OP posts:
afig · 17/04/2025 15:15

I'd give her another chance in case she's just a bit awkward or was trying to make a joke that didn't land well. Some people think nothing of calling one another 'weird', though probably not the first time they meet! If this ends up being a serious relationship for your BIL, you'll probably be seeing her from time to time, so it would be good if you all got along well. If you still don't like her afterwards, at least you'll given her a fair chance.

Mumof2amazingasdkiddos · 17/04/2025 15:09

I get where you were coming from @comeandhaveteawithme and whilst I think you were likely a bit flustered and stumbled your words (liking hearing foxes have sex is weird without it being part of a much wider conversation than it sounds like you had) I'd give her the benefit of the doubt that she was nervous and flustered and stumbled over her words too. I'd go to the pub and give her another chance and see if it just was a very awkward first meeting

YehThoughtSo · 17/04/2025 15:08

She's probably just a very different person to you - give her a second chance and go to the pub, she might have just been nervous - but if she carries on making you feel shit, you are not obliged to spend time with her.

ItGhoul · 17/04/2025 15:07

Bababear987 · 17/04/2025 12:48

That's fine I think people talking about animal sex noises over dinner weird. Maybe she's just not from an area where that's done.

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Blimey, some people have a low threshold for what they consider 'weird'. Get a grip. There's nothing remotely 'weird' about it and thinking a mention of foxes mating is somehow too rude for dinner is a new level of prudery.

OP, I suspect she was just socially awkward and I wouldn't really worry about it.

Talipesmum · 17/04/2025 15:06

You should give her another chance. I don’t think you said anything weird re the foxes, so you’re not BU for that. But it would be unreasonable not to go and meet her in a pub when invited. She’s not a total random who you have no call to socialise with - she’s your DH’s brother’s girlfriend and so there’s always a chance she might be around for some time. Even immature people can grow up. As the “mature” one you should go out with them.

RagzRebooted · 17/04/2025 15:02

Tigerlilian · 17/04/2025 12:34

I would give her another go. I can be an idiot when nervous 🤣

This. I made a terrible first impression on my SIL and her husband. I kept going on about how their dog was a wierd shape and looked like a snake.
I was an awkward 20 year old.
They love me now I'm nearly 40, lol.

harriethoyle · 17/04/2025 15:02

Oh I'm not saying your reasoning for saying it is wrong @comeandhaveteawithme - it just made me laugh when I read it and think "yeah that is a bit weird" 😂

MomGran · 17/04/2025 15:00

It is possible that she replayed the conversation in her head since then and was mortified by what she said... take the high road, forgive her the faux pas and see if the next night is better. In time to come you both may become best friends and laugh about it.. Give her another chance.😊

latetothefisting · 17/04/2025 14:59

People will pick on anything here to start an argument

Your first explaination was completely normal -going on it then say you liked hearing them was a little odd but even if you'd said "yeah I know all about animal mating because I'm a massive furry and my fursona is a white Arctic fox called Boris" it would STILL have been rude of her to call you weird in your own house the first time she met you!

I would give her one more chance (because whats the alternative, refuse to soend any time with bil until they break up) in the hope shes more relaxed in a neutral area and not the first time youre meeting, but if she's rude again feel free to pull her up on it (not in a "kick off" way just a "that's a rude thing to say," way).

BaldMouse · 17/04/2025 14:58

AlisounOfBath · 17/04/2025 13:26

Bill Oddie, Clare Balding, David Attenborough. Who cares? Get over it.

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You get over yourself.

BlueTitShark · 17/04/2025 14:53

Enrichetta · 17/04/2025 14:50

I think you should go and be open minded. She may have been nervous rather than rude.

To be honest I'd find you going on about foxes' mating habits much more awkward.

To be honest I'd find you going on about foxes' mating habits much more awkward.

You’ve never watch a nature documentary then? Or talked about it?

Original poster
comeandhaveteawithme · 17/04/2025 14:52

CaptainMyCaptain · 17/04/2025 14:23

That's a strange twist on what happened.
As I said above I can hear foxes mating at night too and I like knowing there are foxes in the woods. Geese make a lot of noise too in the mating season. That doesn't mean I have an unnatural interest in animal sex.

Edited
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Yeah, exactly, I don't hide in the woods with a pair of binoculars hoping to spy them then go home and watch my secret videos alone in my bedroom 😄

I just hear a nature noise and think "yay, it's fucking freezing and depressing right now but it will soon be spring!"

OP posts:
BlueTitShark · 17/04/2025 14:51

I’m 😵‍💫😵‍💫😂😂 at the fact people are shocked that you can talk about ‘animals having sex’.

I mean how dare anyone mentions animals are matting in spring. I mean that will be news to everyone AND a totally inappropriate subject of discussion of course 😂
Youd think the OP was talking about the sex habits of her NDN.

Enrichetta · 17/04/2025 14:50

I think you should go and be open minded. She may have been nervous rather than rude.

To be honest I'd find you going on about foxes' mating habits much more awkward.

Original poster
comeandhaveteawithme · 17/04/2025 14:50

harriethoyle · 17/04/2025 14:44

I do find it weird that foxes mating reminds you spring is coming - sorry @comeandhaveteawithme 😂Sounds like she was nervous and fumbled it. Give her another chance.

It's literally why they are doing it though. Because spring is coming 😆

OP posts:
Original poster
comeandhaveteawithme · 17/04/2025 14:48

Eggsboxedandmelting · 17/04/2025 13:37

You told a virtual stranger you like hearing foxes have sex and you reckon she is wrong??

Well yes, but in context. I didn't just say "Hi, I'm soandso and I like fox sex"

I wasn't talking to her, I was talking to my child, briefly, before sending him back upstairs. She inserted herself into the conversation and called me weird before I'd even said I like it.
And I only said I like hearing it because it means spring is on the way. I like seeing the first bird fly over with a twig in its mouth too, or the first snowdops, or the daffodils sprouting, or the lighter mornings or the first time I smell a BBQ. Don't most people?

OP posts:
TwoRobins · 17/04/2025 14:48

I can understand why you're annoyed but it was probably a combination of nerves and immaturity. I would give her another chance.

nomas · 17/04/2025 14:47

harriethoyle · 17/04/2025 14:44

I do find it weird that foxes mating reminds you spring is coming - sorry @comeandhaveteawithme 😂Sounds like she was nervous and fumbled it. Give her another chance.

She was probably making conversation in the face of awkward silence from others.

I’d rather be talking to OP than BIL’s GF, that’s for sure.

nomas · 17/04/2025 14:46

.

BlueTitShark · 17/04/2025 14:46

I’m surprised at how many people dismiss her reaction as ‘just being awkward’.

There must be a lot of people feeling uncomfortable in new social situation ….

Id say
She was rude. Her comment, fir me, just shows a reflection on how she sees the world (even if she hasn’t said anything iyswim) which I’m not keen on either.

By any means, yes I’d meet up with her/them again. Not the least because she is your BIL girlfriend, therefore a potential new family member. But I’d keep to meet up outside your house until you have a better idea of who she is

harriethoyle · 17/04/2025 14:44

I do find it weird that foxes mating reminds you spring is coming - sorry @comeandhaveteawithme 😂Sounds like she was nervous and fumbled it. Give her another chance.

dogsandcatsandhorses · 17/04/2025 14:44

Is she very young? It sounds like something a teenager might find amusing or “weird”. Or maybe she’s never heard foxes before, maybe didn’t even realise they lived near houses?
I’d give her another chance.

Original poster
comeandhaveteawithme · 17/04/2025 14:43

Lapbowl · 17/04/2025 13:27

It's very weird to be stewing over this 4 months later.....

I'm not stewing over it and randomly bringing it up because I haven't stopped thinking about it for three months. We've been invited out to the pub this weekend and I'm considering whether or not to go.

OP posts:
grumpygrape · 17/04/2025 14:42

OP, you don’t need to engage in conversation much with her do you ? You and your husband can be there for his brother and only need answer direct approaches from her after careful consideration….!

I spent 40 years doing this with my brother’s wife. I also managed to ignore/not engage with her on her views on politics, Princess Diana, Royalty, other family members, climate change, recycling, immigration, etc. etc.

TonTonMacoute · 17/04/2025 14:40

LePetitMaman · 17/04/2025 12:38

I'm with you OP. I don't see what she said as nervous clumsy conversation. If she'd said it once perhaps, but she repeatedly said things and pulled faces to mock you, in your own home. I think she sounds like a bit of a prat... But there is a small chance it was nerves.

On that basis I would go out with them, because you'll know for sure by the end of the meal if it was the former or the latter.

This.

Either it was a one off down to nerves, or you will have a crap evening, but one which will provide you with a reason never to go again.