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AIBU?

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Original poster

BIL's new GF laughed at me and called me weird - AIBU

312 replies

comeandhaveteawithme · 17/04/2025 12:29

DH's brother got a new girlfriend around Christmas time. At the end of January, he brought her round to an evening gathering at our house.

At first it seemed to be going OK. The girl was really quiet and barely said a word at first which I put down to shyness.

During the evening, our DS (11) came downstairs from his room and said he was a bit scared because he'd heard a freaky noise outside. I said "oh, was it a screeching sound?" He said it was I said "it will be the foxes mating cry, don't worry about it, they always mate at the end of January" DS went back to bed, reassured.

The GF let out a high pitch screech of laughter and said "You KNOW exactly when foxes have sex! That's SO WIERD" with this continued high pitched laugh. Baring in mind she'd barely said a word all night and the first thing she says is that I'm weird, in my own house, I thought it was pretty rude of her.

But I just tried to be polite and said "oh..yeah..Well I'm interested in wildlife and I like foxes so I remember they mate in January and have their cubs in March" and then she sort of wrinkled her nose and gave a side eye so I felt awkward and carried blethering on and said "I quite like hearing them because it reminds me spring is coming". And she laughed again and said "you like hearing foxes have sex, so weird" then the subject changed.

Now BIL has suggested we all go out together for an evening at a pub.

AIBU to not really fancy it? First impressions of the GF really weren't great. She was rude and made me uncomfortable while a guest in my house and pretty much the only thing she said all night was to make fun of me. She also came across extremely immature.

DH thinks I'm too sensitive and should give her another chance.

OP posts:
TheOneandOnlyPrincessFiona84 · 18/04/2025 21:16

I'd give her another chance but with a low threshold.
she only came out of her shell to deliberately laugh at you. How brave of her. Sounds like a bullying personality. I can't imagine she will
get better but let's see.

DeedsNotDiddums · 18/04/2025 21:16

She was very rude!! You have the measure of her now, and next time I'd retort. But I wouldn't let this stop me from attending whichever gathering.

KhakiOrca · 18/04/2025 21:06

comeandhaveteawithme · 17/04/2025 14:52

Yeah, exactly, I don't hide in the woods with a pair of binoculars hoping to spy them then go home and watch my secret videos alone in my bedroom 😄

I just hear a nature noise and think "yay, it's fucking freezing and depressing right now but it will soon be spring!"

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🤣🤣🤣

TheHerboriste · 18/04/2025 20:58

Valeriekat · 18/04/2025 20:21

Most people would find it fascinating!

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Agree.

I will never understand people who have no interest in the world around them.

restingbitchface30 · 18/04/2025 20:43

Weird yes, but I’d give her the benefit of the doubt after the first meeting. I didn’t get a good first impression when I met my BIL now fiancée and honestly, I was right! But I gave her the benefit of the doubt for a good while.

SnugMintFawn · 18/04/2025 20:27

Sounds like she was nervous and trying to join in/make a joke. Give her a chance!

Middlemarch123 · 18/04/2025 20:27

Oh, you must go to the pub OP, but only if you dress up as Basil Brush, you know, little waistcoat, pocket watch. Laugh exaggeratedly at every thing she says, and throw in a lot of “Boom Booms” for good measure. Then go all coy and snuggle on her shoulder if she looks offended.

HAB75 · 18/04/2025 20:25

Some OPs on here just don't know how to manipulate! Definitely give her a second chance, and maybe a third, and then just wait for your DH to start talking about finding her strange. Only then can you do a "Do you think so? Well, I you may be right" and sound unconvinced. A this point he will be straining to convince you!! Mine is an avowed contrarian - it should be in his bloody passport - so I've learned to withhold my judgement until he is ready to make his. Unfortunately I forgot my own rule with a particularly obnoxious neighbour - there was so much material to cover! - so I'm stuck with her... I must use more self control next time!!!

ThisAzureBear · 18/04/2025 20:23

Talipesmum · 17/04/2025 12:40

Nothing weird about it if you’ve ever heard one, thought “what the hell was that ungodly sound?”, researched and figured out what it is. If you live somewhere where you can hear it, you grow to know when to expect it. Knowing when birds build their nests is the same.

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Not weird at all. The OP was trying to put her sons mind at rest by explaining the facts. Some folk are interested in natures life cycle and the sights and sounds of that cycle. Think its called having a 'special interest' as opposed to weird. It would wash over me quite frankly and give her another chance at least to relax around new folk .

Valeriekat · 18/04/2025 20:21

Bababear987 · 17/04/2025 12:38

Give her another chance, what are you going to do just never be around her again? She was probably just being weird cause she was nervous.

Although tbh I'd find it a little weird that you said it was a foxs mating cry. I dont know why and wouldnt say it to your face but I do think it's just an odd thing to be able to identify and be interested in when animals mate.

Most people would find it fascinating!

pipkinsatlunchtime · 18/04/2025 20:14

Bababear987 · 17/04/2025 12:38

Give her another chance, what are you going to do just never be around her again? She was probably just being weird cause she was nervous.

Although tbh I'd find it a little weird that you said it was a foxs mating cry. I dont know why and wouldnt say it to your face but I do think it's just an odd thing to be able to identify and be interested in when animals mate.

If you live where there are foxes, their mating cry is a well-known sound. It’s not odd at all.

anon666 · 18/04/2025 20:08

Yeah, hard though it is, the relationship with her is worth the investment of a bit more time.

I made the mistake of reacting to hostile behaviour from my SIL 30 years ago. It caused a rift that has left a schism in the family ever since.

It's just worth it. If I could go back I'd be less hotheaded and not react. I was young and foolish and I played into her hands by becoming the bad guy.

BaldMouse · 18/04/2025 19:59

DBFT - Don't Breed From This.
The new LTB?

ShockedandStunnedRepeatedly · 18/04/2025 19:54

MaddestGranny · 18/04/2025 19:53

The sound of foxes mating is very, er, noticeable. The first time I heard it was in the middle of The Forest of Dean, it was the middle of the night and it sounded like someone screaming while being raped. I was a bit scared. But our friend/host explained what it was.
Now, decades later, that sound, in my part of inner London, is commonplace.
The GF finding you weird because you know a bit about foxes is, in my view,
not very bright and/or to be avoided. She sounds like someone I would go lengths to avoid.

And, to be really outrageous, I'd counsel your brother "DBFT",
i.e. Don't Breed From This.

That’s brilliant.

MaddestGranny · 18/04/2025 19:53

The sound of foxes mating is very, er, noticeable. The first time I heard it was in the middle of The Forest of Dean, it was the middle of the night and it sounded like someone screaming while being raped. I was a bit scared. But our friend/host explained what it was.
Now, decades later, that sound, in my part of inner London, is commonplace.
The GF finding you weird because you know a bit about foxes is, in my view,
not very bright and/or to be avoided. She sounds like someone I would go lengths to avoid.

And, to be really outrageous, I'd counsel your brother "DBFT",
i.e. Don't Breed From This.

SummerDaysOnTheWay · 18/04/2025 19:51

How old is she op? Sounds very immature.

ShockedandStunnedRepeatedly · 18/04/2025 19:48

pollyglot · 18/04/2025 19:44

Come on, everyone, that was bloody rude. No excuses, she should apologise. .

This is what I think and I really don’t get why people are saying it wasn’t rude. And it definitely doesn’t sound like awkwardness - quite the opposite!

pollyglot · 18/04/2025 19:44

Come on, everyone, that was bloody rude. No excuses, she should apologise. .

exaltedwombat · 18/04/2025 19:20

Yes, she responded a bit weirdly! But hardly a hanging offence. And, still around after 3 months, she might be a potential future family member. So I wouldn’t pick a fight with her over one inept remark.

Flowerpower456 · 18/04/2025 19:07

Deebee90 · 17/04/2025 12:49

I don’t think she was rude. Id have made similar comments over what you said. You liking hearing animals mate is a bit weird I’m not surprised she said it.

At what point did OP say she liked it? Deliberately antagonising reply ..

Nikki75 · 18/04/2025 18:56

She sounds immature.. go to the night out see how it goes to may not last anyway.

Roxietrees · 18/04/2025 18:35

How old is she? That sounds like something a 15-year-old would say (hopefully she’s not actually 15!) but clearly immature. I don’t think it’s weird at all that you know about foxes mating patterns, it’s great to have an interest in wildlife. She may have been trying to gently take the piss out of you as a way to try and bond, although her behaviour around it doesn’t sound like that - sounds more like rudeness, immaturity and social awkwardness. I’d give her another chance but if she says anything that makes you uncomfortable again that’d be it for me. But only you were there and know how she made you feel, if it really pissed you off you’re under no obligation to hang out with her again

Noononoo · 18/04/2025 18:24

I think you are right. I have turned a blind eye so many times I just wish I hadn’t wasted so much of my time on people who from the start were rude and don’t improve by being tolerated. But what can you do if it’s family. I wish you well. If I had any advice and what I had wished I had done, would be to give them as little energy that you can.

pineapplesundae · 18/04/2025 18:23

I wouldn't want to spend time with her. Who laughs at people and call them weird, especially someone you just met? She was the ignorant one. Proceed with caution.

Puncturedcouch · 18/04/2025 18:02

Yes. definitely give her another chance, what have you got to lose? If she seems to be rude again then don't see her again, but you might end up getting along, having a great night and she might be family one day, so worth the effort.
It's possible that she was just trying to have a laugh, its tbe way that some people relax when they are nervous. Maybe she's not super intelligent, that doesn't make her unworthy of your time.
BIL obviously rates her as she's still around and he's involving her in family, so, yes, it's worth another shot...at least.
First impressions are definitely not always the one's to go by.