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AIBU?

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Original poster

BIL's new GF laughed at me and called me weird - AIBU

312 replies

comeandhaveteawithme · 17/04/2025 12:29

DH's brother got a new girlfriend around Christmas time. At the end of January, he brought her round to an evening gathering at our house.

At first it seemed to be going OK. The girl was really quiet and barely said a word at first which I put down to shyness.

During the evening, our DS (11) came downstairs from his room and said he was a bit scared because he'd heard a freaky noise outside. I said "oh, was it a screeching sound?" He said it was I said "it will be the foxes mating cry, don't worry about it, they always mate at the end of January" DS went back to bed, reassured.

The GF let out a high pitch screech of laughter and said "You KNOW exactly when foxes have sex! That's SO WIERD" with this continued high pitched laugh. Baring in mind she'd barely said a word all night and the first thing she says is that I'm weird, in my own house, I thought it was pretty rude of her.

But I just tried to be polite and said "oh..yeah..Well I'm interested in wildlife and I like foxes so I remember they mate in January and have their cubs in March" and then she sort of wrinkled her nose and gave a side eye so I felt awkward and carried blethering on and said "I quite like hearing them because it reminds me spring is coming". And she laughed again and said "you like hearing foxes have sex, so weird" then the subject changed.

Now BIL has suggested we all go out together for an evening at a pub.

AIBU to not really fancy it? First impressions of the GF really weren't great. She was rude and made me uncomfortable while a guest in my house and pretty much the only thing she said all night was to make fun of me. She also came across extremely immature.

DH thinks I'm too sensitive and should give her another chance.

OP posts:
Whynotaxthisyear · 19/04/2025 09:04

She’d never met anyone so aware of wildlife and didn’t have the social skill to be politely interested. Try to find out what she’s interested in.
FWIW I also know that sound, it is very distinctive and alarming if you don’t know what it is. She can’t have lived anywhere near foxes because you have to find out what it is or live in terror. The first time it woke me I thought someone was being murdered in the garden.

Drummergirl1971 · 19/04/2025 08:58

You’re not being weird & she was being rude. I think most people wouldn’t have given such a detailed explanation on all counts, but it was an honest & factual one. If anything, I think her reaction is weirder. I can understand why you don’t want to go, but I think you should. I think DH should be more supportive & talk to his brother about it, so he can mention it to the GF. If he won’t, you should, explaining it’s making you reluctant to meet up again. The other posters that are cool with being insulted in their own house are weird too imo. They wouldn’t take it from her, so I don’t know why they’re expecting you to.

Bert2025 · 19/04/2025 08:51

From what I have understood from the OP, I think it’s because a social event like a coming up with the brother and girlfriend.

Summerbay23 · 19/04/2025 08:36

She may have been slightly rude but it is a bit strange still be thinking about this 3 months later?

NattyTurtle59 · 19/04/2025 08:02

faerietales · 17/04/2025 12:47

It sounds like she was nervous and her nerves just bubbled over. I think it can be pretty normal to laugh inappropriately or say stupid things when you're anxious.

I've been nervous many times but wouldn't dream of calling someone, especially someone who was hosting me, weird - and not once, but twice. She sounds rude and immature.

Hungrycaterpillarsmummy · 19/04/2025 07:50

He old is she?

I'd probaby go but it's be a one last chance kinda thing.

Bert2025 · 19/04/2025 07:49

It isn’t ‘weird’, it’s nature. I think you sound like a great mum, op and new girlfriend is either a bit immature or narrow minded/ a bit ignorant (in the sense of not knowing things, maybe she has led a very restricted life). I would hazard a guess that she may be hard work but would give her the benefit of the doubt this time, would meet again at the pub for the sake of my brother and go from there. Any more ‘you’re weird’ type comments, I would probably just say something like, ‘sorry, I didn’t quite catch that, what did you say?’ In a really neutral tone. To see if she has the brass neck to say it again. That will tell you quite a bit about her mindset. People either explain themselves more fully or dial it back after being called out. If she doesn’t but just continues, then say nothing more but mental note to self to only make minimal effort going forward.

Retiredfromearlyyears · 19/04/2025 07:43

nessiesnotreal · 17/04/2025 12:36

I have said some proper bonkers shit when I have felt socially awkward 😂😂 I think you are overthinking this and taken it too personally.

Draw a line under it and let it go.

Maybe she will be more relaxed in a neutral setting. I would accept the arrangement to meet outside. See how it goes. If it doesn't go well, avoid any similar 'meet ups in future.

Fimofriend · 19/04/2025 07:19

Bababear987 · 17/04/2025 12:38

Give her another chance, what are you going to do just never be around her again? She was probably just being weird cause she was nervous.

Although tbh I'd find it a little weird that you said it was a foxs mating cry. I dont know why and wouldnt say it to your face but I do think it's just an odd thing to be able to identify and be interested in when animals mate.

They are very noisy during mating season just like cats so everyone interested in wildlife wild wonder why they are suddenly extra noisy.
People ask why, get the answer. End of discussion. It is not like people dwell on it.
To me it seems very neurotic and immature to be weird about the answer and it seems extremely neurotic and immature to cast aspersions on the one giving the answer.

I wouldn't be interested in spending an evening with someone who was as rude as the new GF.

Braygirlnow · 19/04/2025 07:04

Overtheatlantic · 17/04/2025 12:37

I wouldn’t bother, but I’m menopausal. Seriously though why do you have to make her awkwardness and rudeness okay?

I'm guessing you don't have many friends.

Ilovecleaning · 19/04/2025 03:56

Definitely socially awkward. And, as an adult, she should know that you don’t say ““You are weird” to anybody. For your brother’s sake, go for the meal, be well-mannered, sociable and show her how people should behave.

neilyoungismyhero · 19/04/2025 01:00

She sounds like a complete drip tbh.
We used to hear hedgehogs screaming in our garden together with the mating foxes and even now often hear the little muntjacks grunting at night in the back copse. It's not weird it's the natural world.

LoobyLott · 19/04/2025 00:49

I think you've chosen to take offense. You could well have laughed along with her and diffused the situation. It is your house so be a good hostess.

Get over it, meet them again and maybe ask her a question to find out more about her. Or is it all about you?

JohnTheRevelator · 19/04/2025 00:22

She sounds like a right weirdo.

DeedsNotDiddums · 19/04/2025 00:19

Doingtheboxerbeat · 18/04/2025 23:06

I agree with you OP.
Being called weird is my line in the sand and I can't bear it - especially in polite company. I know it's just a word, but it screams of ignorance, lack of imagination and intelligence.
I would be weary spending time around someone like this because I love random facts and despise rude people who cover their lack of knowledge by making fun of you.

Being socially awkward is bs too, why did she not make fun of herself, I wonder 🤔???

Absolutely!! I detest people who call other people weird. I love random facts too and it makes me seethe when someone is so conventional as to think that everyone just share their own narrow understanding of the world.

Noperope · 19/04/2025 00:19

I'd give her another chance, but I am painfully socially awkward. I once asked one of dds friends if she had made her dad a Father's Day card at school. She said no and explained that she had two mums, while both mums were standing right there. I got flustered and started babbling and somehow ended up talking about the Stonewall riots. I hate myself sometimes.

JudasTree · 18/04/2025 23:57

She sounds a bit dense and socially ill-adapted, but tbh, it’s odder that you’re considering turning down an invitation where she’ll be present several months after a single remark that shows her as not exactly David Attenborough, and which she’s possibly now mortified by. For all we know she’d been interpreting foxes’ sex-screaming as supernatural beings wandering the countryside or something. I mean, there are people on here who think wallabies are imaginary.

TheEveningSun · 18/04/2025 23:48

Espressosummer · 17/04/2025 12:43

Anyone who lives near foxes will know the sound. They make a bloody racket. The OP was able to quickly reassure her child about the noise because she is not ignorant of the world around her. I think you and the new gf are the weird ones here, not the OP.

Show quote history

Exaxtly this! My old house was by the woods so I heard it a lot. It did freak me out at the start. I don’t know which month it was though 😀

Grammarnut · 18/04/2025 23:21

She sounds weird as well as rude. What is peculiar about being interested in wild life and watching and noting the patterns of mating and rearing young? A bit shallow by the sounds of it. But I would give her another chance.

ChocolateAddictAlways · 18/04/2025 23:20

I agree with many responses above. She sounds incredibly socially awkward and people can mess up and when they’re nervous. In addition you’ve taken it to heart (although I do understand why you’re displeased, telling you you’re weird in your honesty when you’re hosting her is rude)

Give her another chance. If she’s just as rude the next time then I think you’re perfectly entitled to avoid her in future.

ShockedandStunnedRepeatedly · 18/04/2025 23:15

What is this now - nasty folk are just “socially awkward” ? Come on.

Buffs · 18/04/2025 23:14

Get over yourself, she’s socially awkward.

Doingtheboxerbeat · 18/04/2025 23:06

I agree with you OP.
Being called weird is my line in the sand and I can't bear it - especially in polite company. I know it's just a word, but it screams of ignorance, lack of imagination and intelligence.
I would be weary spending time around someone like this because I love random facts and despise rude people who cover their lack of knowledge by making fun of you.

Being socially awkward is bs too, why did she not make fun of herself, I wonder 🤔???

BecauseThatsHowYouGetAnts · 18/04/2025 22:36

She said "that's so weird" and "so weird". Not "you're so weird" which to me is massively different. And in a way, I guess to someone who has no idea about these things it is weird. Don't take things so personally.

AIBU5 · 18/04/2025 21:44

comeandhaveteawithme · 17/04/2025 12:29

DH's brother got a new girlfriend around Christmas time. At the end of January, he brought her round to an evening gathering at our house.

At first it seemed to be going OK. The girl was really quiet and barely said a word at first which I put down to shyness.

During the evening, our DS (11) came downstairs from his room and said he was a bit scared because he'd heard a freaky noise outside. I said "oh, was it a screeching sound?" He said it was I said "it will be the foxes mating cry, don't worry about it, they always mate at the end of January" DS went back to bed, reassured.

The GF let out a high pitch screech of laughter and said "You KNOW exactly when foxes have sex! That's SO WIERD" with this continued high pitched laugh. Baring in mind she'd barely said a word all night and the first thing she says is that I'm weird, in my own house, I thought it was pretty rude of her.

But I just tried to be polite and said "oh..yeah..Well I'm interested in wildlife and I like foxes so I remember they mate in January and have their cubs in March" and then she sort of wrinkled her nose and gave a side eye so I felt awkward and carried blethering on and said "I quite like hearing them because it reminds me spring is coming". And she laughed again and said "you like hearing foxes have sex, so weird" then the subject changed.

Now BIL has suggested we all go out together for an evening at a pub.

AIBU to not really fancy it? First impressions of the GF really weren't great. She was rude and made me uncomfortable while a guest in my house and pretty much the only thing she said all night was to make fun of me. She also came across extremely immature.

DH thinks I'm too sensitive and should give her another chance.

She said "that's weird" not "you're weird". It's quite a difference. Let it go