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AIBU?

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BIL's new GF laughed at me and called me weird - AIBU

312 replies

comeandhaveteawithme · 17/04/2025 12:29

DH's brother got a new girlfriend around Christmas time. At the end of January, he brought her round to an evening gathering at our house.

At first it seemed to be going OK. The girl was really quiet and barely said a word at first which I put down to shyness.

During the evening, our DS (11) came downstairs from his room and said he was a bit scared because he'd heard a freaky noise outside. I said "oh, was it a screeching sound?" He said it was I said "it will be the foxes mating cry, don't worry about it, they always mate at the end of January" DS went back to bed, reassured.

The GF let out a high pitch screech of laughter and said "You KNOW exactly when foxes have sex! That's SO WIERD" with this continued high pitched laugh. Baring in mind she'd barely said a word all night and the first thing she says is that I'm weird, in my own house, I thought it was pretty rude of her.

But I just tried to be polite and said "oh..yeah..Well I'm interested in wildlife and I like foxes so I remember they mate in January and have their cubs in March" and then she sort of wrinkled her nose and gave a side eye so I felt awkward and carried blethering on and said "I quite like hearing them because it reminds me spring is coming". And she laughed again and said "you like hearing foxes have sex, so weird" then the subject changed.

Now BIL has suggested we all go out together for an evening at a pub.

AIBU to not really fancy it? First impressions of the GF really weren't great. She was rude and made me uncomfortable while a guest in my house and pretty much the only thing she said all night was to make fun of me. She also came across extremely immature.

DH thinks I'm too sensitive and should give her another chance.

OP posts:
TorroFerney · 17/04/2025 13:04

viques · 17/04/2025 13:01

Why do you think that? Foxes mating calls are quite distinct, and can sound un nerving the first time you hear them, so knowing what they are, and also knowing that they only occur at a certain time of the year is just one of those facts of life that many people know. Like knowing the moon has phases, that tides ebb and flow, that you see lightning before hearing thunder because light travels faster than sound ……….

Yes it sounds like someone being attacked. Good parenting to explain it. Agree that it is more odd not to be aware and interested in nature and the world around you.

Hoppinggreen · 17/04/2025 13:04

She sounds a bit socially awkward and probably went over the top through nerves but I would also have found her annoying
Give her another chance

Smallsalt · 17/04/2025 13:03

There is socially awkward and then there is being a rude scathing bitch to their host and virtual stranger.
Why should you let it go?
Either don't go or do go and if she says a single untoward syllable, you verbally eviscerate her.

It depends how good you are confrontation and evisceration!
I decided long ago that life is too short too let the put down merchants get away with it. They do it because people are polite and don't shut them down.

I go for the throat every time now. I was pleasant /door matty for too many years. Not any more.

LeaderBee · 17/04/2025 13:03

"You know everyone's name on love island and how old they are?, how weird"

Anything that people dont enjoy or understand themselves tend to label weird, its frustrating, but yeah, id give her another chance, but its a shit immature first impression i agree.

godmum56 · 17/04/2025 13:02

I'd go but then I wouldn't have been in the least bothered about her comment. Either she was nervous or if that is just what she is like then it says more about her than it does about you.

TorroFerney · 17/04/2025 13:02

I must be into sheep sex then as I love it when the ram has his paint waistcoat on and is let into the field with the sheep, it means that it's not too long til Spring and all the lovely lambs.

viques · 17/04/2025 13:01

Bababear987 · 17/04/2025 12:38

Give her another chance, what are you going to do just never be around her again? She was probably just being weird cause she was nervous.

Although tbh I'd find it a little weird that you said it was a foxs mating cry. I dont know why and wouldnt say it to your face but I do think it's just an odd thing to be able to identify and be interested in when animals mate.

Why do you think that? Foxes mating calls are quite distinct, and can sound un nerving the first time you hear them, so knowing what they are, and also knowing that they only occur at a certain time of the year is just one of those facts of life that many people know. Like knowing the moon has phases, that tides ebb and flow, that you see lightning before hearing thunder because light travels faster than sound ……….

JHound · 17/04/2025 13:00

Bababear987 · 17/04/2025 12:46

Totally get what you're saying. I think it's just something I'd probably never say- like to be able to identify one animal over another's mating call. I'd probably just say it's a fox making noise/crying etc not a fox having mating/sex. People grow up in all sorts of environments and with different experiences, I would imagine most people wouldnt know about different animal sex noises or talk about it at dinner. I can see why she thought it was a bit weird or funny.

I totally know I'm immature but lifes more fun like that!

I think the key point is your last sentence.

Brefugee · 17/04/2025 12:59

I'd go because i love pubs. But if she was being weird again or boring I'd just scroll on my phone until DH wants to go home.

JustFeedMeCake · 17/04/2025 12:57

She was rude and silly. But , I’d see how it goes. If she does it again, don’t put up with it.

Overhaul54 · 17/04/2025 12:56

Bababear987 · 17/04/2025 12:48

That's fine I think people talking about animal sex noises over dinner weird. Maybe she's just not from an area where that's done.

It's not an animal.porno FFS They are mating to reproduce.
I think the girlfriend is on the back foot as she's in your home. She sounds like she was awkward or uncomfortable and you talking about shagging foxes sent her over the edge.

SamDeanCas · 17/04/2025 12:56

Chances are she’s probably mortified at what she said and has been so embarrassed by her behaviour.

Give her another chance, of she’s the same this time round you know it’s her and cut your losses

JHound · 17/04/2025 12:56

CustardySergeant · 17/04/2025 12:54

Is she very young?

I was going to add this. I was going to ask OP if her BIL is dating a 16/17 year old (or younger.)

AnotherHappyCamper · 17/04/2025 12:56

YADNBU to think she was/is a bit odd.

But meh, meeting up at the pub? I'd do it. Couple of hours being polite isn't a big deal, and it's not as if she'll be in your home.

Daisyvodka · 17/04/2025 12:55

I'm going to give her the benefit of the doubt and say she might have just been very nervous! So your should go along to find out whether that is the case or if she's just quite sheltered and dim, because thats how I'd feel about a grown adult reacting like that to what you said 😆 she reminds me of someone i used to work with... you know the kind of person that thinks boys playing with dolls makes them 'gay' and that sushi is 'fucking weird and gross' (direct quotes)
But, absolutely could just be nerves, so worth going along and finding out! You might find she even apologises.

CustardySergeant · 17/04/2025 12:54

Is she very young?

Codlingmoths · 17/04/2025 12:54

It sounds like she was really nervous, not bitchy and unkind. I’d be gracious and try again.

noidea69 · 17/04/2025 12:53

i think to completely write a person off after meeting them once is a little harsh.

Also people use the word weird a lot differently now and not the insult it was when i was young.

GoodCharl · 17/04/2025 12:53

One more try again. Youre not weird op. Its interesting to most people. She sounds really shy/quiet

JHound · 17/04/2025 12:52

Overtheatlantic · 17/04/2025 12:37

I wouldn’t bother, but I’m menopausal. Seriously though why do you have to make her awkwardness and rudeness okay?

I’m not menopausal but equally would not bother. I think mocking somebody in their own home on first meeting is rude and I cannot be arsed with rude people. I would prefer not to meet again unless among a big group of people.

EveryKneeShallBow · 17/04/2025 12:52

McQueensMuse · 17/04/2025 12:46

She was incredibly rude and free time is far too precious to be spent with rude people!
I would decline the invitation.

Agreed.

Nanny0gg · 17/04/2025 12:51

Deebee90 · 17/04/2025 12:49

I don’t think she was rude. Id have made similar comments over what you said. You liking hearing animals mate is a bit weird I’m not surprised she said it.

That's not what @comeandhaveteawithme said

It's what the GF inferred

So she's not weird at all.

Deebee90 · 17/04/2025 12:49

I don’t think she was rude. Id have made similar comments over what you said. You liking hearing animals mate is a bit weird I’m not surprised she said it.

JHound · 17/04/2025 12:48

She sounds rude and like a weirdo and I would not be attending anything with her.

And I know what you mean about the foxes mating shrieks. I did not actually know what it was the first time I heard and was worried it was a woman screaming. Google was my friend however. The sound scared me half to death.

Bababear987 · 17/04/2025 12:48

Espressosummer · 17/04/2025 12:43

Anyone who lives near foxes will know the sound. They make a bloody racket. The OP was able to quickly reassure her child about the noise because she is not ignorant of the world around her. I think you and the new gf are the weird ones here, not the OP.

That's fine I think people talking about animal sex noises over dinner weird. Maybe she's just not from an area where that's done.