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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that if his family doesn’t like you, it’s time to walk away?

56 replies

TheWildMintBear · 17/04/2025 10:59

I’ve always felt that if a partner’s family isn’t supportive, it can be a huge red flag. If things were to go wrong, I’m not sure how much help they’d be. Anyone else think family dynamics should be a big consideration in a relationship?

OP posts:
user2848502016 · 17/04/2025 11:20

It depends how the partner feels really, if he also sees issues with his family and isn’t siding with them over everything then I don’t see that as a red flag. If they’re refusing to acknowledge problems or stand up for you then yes 🚩

Shoxfordian · 17/04/2025 11:20

It depends how close they are with their family

Dotjones · 17/04/2025 11:18

Depends on the person. It's not their fault their family are how they are. Some people are happy to introduce a partner to their family but have no intention of involving them in their future lives other than the basic minimum expected like sending a Christmas card.

If they're close to their family, and the family don't like you, that's a big🇨🇳because either they will expect you to have lots of contact with them in future or they will resent the fact you don't.

Original poster
TheWildMintBear · 17/04/2025 11:18

Lanzarotelady · 17/04/2025 11:09

If things were to go wrong, I’m not sure how much help they’d be - in what respect OP, if you split up, if you need help with child care - what are you wanting from them?

I don’t mean I’d expect their family to step in and fix problems but more that it matters whether they’re supportive or neutral vs. cold or dismissive. For example, if you’re going through a rough patch or there’s a disagreement, it’s hard knowing their family is silently rooting for the relationship to fail or wouldn’t have your back in any way. Even emotionally. I’m not expecting childcare/financial support - just that a partner’s family being warm (or at least respectful) makes a difference in how secure and included you feel in the long term.

OP posts:
Lanzarotelady · 17/04/2025 11:09

If things were to go wrong, I’m not sure how much help they’d be - in what respect OP, if you split up, if you need help with child care - what are you wanting from them?

Moveoverdarlin · 17/04/2025 11:03

I thought my in-laws were odd the first time I met them. Cold, hard to make chit-chat with, I wouldn’t say they ever said they didn’t like me, but they were never kind or loving or even nice to me. 20 years later they are exactly the same. I don’t give a shit anymore. We do pleasantries but I don’t ever ask them for help. They say hello to their grandchildren but don’t hug them, kiss them. We have a totally different relationship with my family and that’s what matters.