To speak to my neighbour's about her disabled child?

Why does this thread disgust you, when people are suggesting peaceful negotiations?

@Rockmehardplace I wouldn't bother responding to them. They bowed out of the thread after a while as I think they found it hard to justify what they were saying. 😂

Why is this child needs far more important then your own children needs this noise is having a negative effect on your children sleep and could stop them feeling safe in their own home but that ok as kid next door has special needs which is more important then Ur kids sleep n feelings of safety and comfort I need to decide what more important upsetting the noisy neighbours or looking after your kids emotional welfare

I thought the OP said she owned her half of the house.

My friend has a severely disabled son who is noisy, due to severe brain damage. She has been evicted 3 times, had fireworks through her letterbox,and eggs thrown at her windows. She has tried absolutely everything,and is at the end of her tether. This thread absolutely disgusts me.

Devaluing the house?! That sounds like an OP’s landlord problem to me. Not to mention the product of a rather vivid imagination. Are you going to hoik your bosom on behalf of everyone in OP’s neighborhood who may have heard an involuntary squeak from this disabled child, sorry, I mean untermensch? 🙄

"A severely disabled child cannot just be asked to stop, or re-directed. In likelihood the other family probably needs a detached home but we all know what the housing situation is like"

If the family were given a detached home there would be another thread about how unfair it is that a disabled person gets something better than other people.

As @Bluebell865 said, it’s not an easy solution to sort and taking a “burn the witch” approach with the neighbour is not going to magically stop the disabled child from disturbing them. It isn’t her fault, and based on the hundreds of SEN parents I know, she’s probably tried all the obvious stuff already and is at the end of her rope.

Yes, there are competing “rights” here, but the law protects more vulnerable members of society with protected characteristics (like being disabled), and quite rightly so. Although there are plenty of posters salivating at the idea of kicking an autistic child and his mother out on the street, in the real world, any LA is likely to exhaust every other strategy first. And either way, it won’t be quick, so the OP is going to need to buckle up for the long haul and find a mitigation strategy.

That isn’t an “entitled” view, it’s not an opinion at all really. It’s a summary based on my knowledge of equality laws and my experience of dealing with our LA in relation to my own similarly disabled DS.

Exactly. The OP needs the noise and disruption to stop. She isn’t the person responsible for figuring out how that gets done.

It’s devaluing her house, too.

The entitlement is expecting that one person's rights (i.e. the disabled child) should infringe on the rights of OP and her family and it is somehow OP's responsibility to mitigate against this.

nobody said that though. Posters have just pointed out ad nauseam that it isn't that easy to sort. A severely disabled child cannot just be asked to stop, or re-directed. In likelihood the other family probably needs a detached home but we all know what the housing situation is like. Local authority adaptations team can (or will) only do that and that much. it's a really difficult situation for all involved but it's not like someone is having a party all night and can just stop if after having a talking to. Sounds like the home is completely unsuitable for the other family but we also all know what a shit show social housing, social services support etc is. People always only think disability is something that only affected (or should affect) the disabled person and their immediate family but better support for those with complex needs should be everybody's concern....

Why on earth should OP have to speak to the LA about the adaptations? It isn't her child causing the nuisance noise and severely depriving the neighbours of an essential need i.e. sleep. She of course can try in the first instance to get her neighbour to make changes if there are any quick and easy adaptions that can be made to resolve the problem but it is absolutely entitled to suggest that OP and her children have to put up with chronic sleep deprivation caused by a disabled child from another family.

The entitlement is expecting that one person's rights (i.e. the disabled child) should infringe on the rights of OP and her family and it is somehow OP's responsibility to mitigate against this.

You've had a lot of terrible advice here from people who clearly have no understanding of the more severe aspects of autism.

My son is 10. His autism is severe and he has profound learning disabilities. There is no redirecting him, he solely follows his own agenda. I could put a punch bag in his room and he wouldn't take a blind bit of notice of it. In fact he has nothing in his room, save for his bed, because he throws everything out.

If I was to put up padding in his room, he would tear it down. I could tell him off or ask him not to, and it wouldn't make a blind bit of difference because his brain hasn't developed an understanding of this yet.

Luckily he doesn't bang on walls, but I have put him in a bedroom in our semi detached house which is not next to the neighbours. If I were to try and stop him banging, it would be me being thumped instead.

I wouldn't even consider living in a mid terraced house.

I once approached OT about sound proofing his room, and they said it was fairly pointless and isn't the magic solution everyone thinks it is. They wouldn't fund it and I certainly couldn't afford it.

That being said, if you were my neighbour, I would be more than happy if you were to come and speak to me to see if there's anything I can do. Don't go with the faux concern and offers of tea and cake though.
I'm always willing to answer most questions about my son's disabilities so people can understand him.

If I can do something to stop, or at least help, the issue, I will do it, because I want my neighbours to be happy in their own home. But there may be some times when it really is beyond my control, so I don't know what to suggest after that.

Maybe try the landlord or council, but they're unlikely to be of much help. They probably won't have any new solutions, and are keen not to be perceived as discriminating against a disabled person.

Speak to her. Maybe she can put up a sensory pad on a different wall (smyths do them, like square flat floor pads with coloured water and bubbles in them). It might help direct him to hit that instead.
Just be very kind when speaking as she's likely already feeling awful about not being able to stop him, so go about it in a solution based way rather than just "can you stop him".

Im a single parent with a non verbal child with a severe learning disability & autism. I work full time because I have to in order to keep a roof over our heads. I get £460 a month in DLA for my son. No carers allowance or supplements as I work. I'm £100 a week for 2csessions of speech therapy, £50 a week for sensory integration therapy to try to ward off meltdowns, £50 a month in dietary supplements because of his poor diet due to ARFID and £650 a WEEK for 1:1 care during school holidays as he can't access any play schemes. Not to mention the extra costs for nappies for an 8 year old day and night. So yes, all his DLA is more than taken up with the essentials of what he needs. The NHS discharged us after diagnosis with nothing.
Some of the comments on this thread have been frankly disgusting. There but for the grace of god and all that.

I haven't seen anything you could actually call entitlement. People are saying you can't stop a child like that, so you need to speak to LA about suitable adaptions to minimise the noise. Very strange to call people suggesting these things and actually offering a solution entitled. What do YOU suggest?

I haven’t read every page, but OP have you spoken to the neighbour on the other side?

Exactly Butter !
The entitlement on this thread is astonishing.

Other people also have rights. You can’t make noise all night that stops others from sleeping.

"It's not hard"?!!!

Think of Katie Price's son Harvey and see if you think a single mum could stop a young, fit teenager when he gets disregulated.

I adopted 2 girls from the care system and thought my excellent parenting skills would be enough, that they would learn etc etc. 24 years later they have no doors on the wardrobes in their rooms because they wrecked them and I had no strategies left.

Unless you have experience of turning round a case of severely challenging behaviour, you cannot glibly tell struggling parents what to do.

I haven't read all the replies.

Could you approach the Mum by asking if she is OK first? Must be hard on her. And go from there.

I too have a child with autism who doesn't sleep but luckily we live in a detached house. Many times I've been in tears with lack of sleep.

You are completely missing the point here.
We are thankful that a person was moved out of an unsuitable property.
Thankful for the neighbours sanity ( which others seem to think is irrelevant ) and thankful that the unsuitable household don’t have to go through endless complaints from neighbours.
Because with the best will in the world people need to sleep irrespective of who the neighbours are.

So yes
Celebrating that sanity has prevailed.

You are celebrating that a disabled child and their family was threatened with eviction. Bloody hell, mumsnet has a problem with ableism!

Agree.
Hopefully OP will feel encouraged to not ‘suck it up’ .

It’s irrelevant anyway

The next door neighbours landlord will have to pull his finger out and make the property suitable if the neighbour doesn’t
If he can’t then the property isn’t suitable.

The inner workings of the neighbours finance have nothing to do with OP or her issue.

That’s very encouraging - good to hear at least one case of this has been resolved