To speak to my neighbour's about her disabled child?

I do get respite now but its taken year ,s to get it
My son atrends a special needs holiday scheme for 1/2 days a week in the school holidayz ,and the same club every other saturday
We also get two overnights a month but hes 15 next month and this has been happening about a year
Is your son not entitled to direct payments*
I know respite is very limited and very variable from area to area .

Ditto. But I’m pretty sure it isn’t, because the staff are enormously knowledgeable and empathetic. Not to mention their incredible expertise in autism.

I wouldn't know. I don't know they're cognitive ability, their resources, the set up of their home, the family dynamics or the ability of the parents.

Again, not relevant to the post though because it's not for OP to think of the how.

No....because that's not OPs job.
The OP is not the parent or guardian of the young person. She has neither the means or resources to stop the issue herself so she has been correctly advised of what avenues she can take to push for the issue to be resolved on her end.

I mentioned Katie Price's son in a previous post. He went to residential school Monday to Friday I think. It can be better for the yp to get appropriate support and for the parent - and neighbours - to get respite.

I suspect high-profile cases like Harvey Price give people a misleading impression of how readily available this type of support is. I think HP no longer attends that placement anyway.

DH and I had no sleep for 6 years - had to tag team with DS to make sure he didn’t injure himself overnight. I also had to sew him into onesies to stop him smearing. We have been told we are “eligible” for respite but it’s not available because no trained staff. We also get middle-rate DLA, £300 a month, which would pay for <4 hours of the trained care DS needs.

Parent of child who is the child banging. Talk to her. She should have approached you about it anyway.

So how would you get the teen to stop then?

A good SEN school would encourage the parents to go to services themselves for help and avoid advising people to complain about parents of SEN children. A good teacher would have advised the OP to talk to the parents with some useful information, offer help.

So either you are misinformed, a shit advocate or lying.

That's the incredible thing about anonymous forums. You'll never know.

And that's why the bottom line remains that the needs to issues of the neighbour are not the OPs problem

This is not an inclusion issue, it's not their home. It's not a tolerance issue as in no universe should the OP and her children have to tolerate this disturbance.

It is an advocacy issue as those the OP reports to absolutly should advocate for their rights to quite enjoyment and also the rights to their health.

To many people on MN try to silence others when SEN is mentioned and force those to tolerate more.

The SEN is not the OPs problem. The noise is.

I hope it's not my son's.

Its best to hit every avenue hard.
And It's the best way to ensure the disability social workers are active and pursuing the issues raised.

You'll fucking love this mate.
I teach at a SEN school.

Its incredibly difficult to secure a residential school placement ,not to mention eye wateringly expensive
And its not something all parents of severly dissabled kids want to consider anyway.

Christ alive. How is it a social services issue? The child is disabled, not being abused. I bet the LA love you. You need your very own employee there by the sounds of it.

And again. This isn't about the neighbour and her lived experience. That's not OPs problem

The noise needs to stop for the OPs children.

Again. The Why's aren't the issues.

Also, everyone is quick to hammer home that the mother will be more than aware of what is happening due to her inevitable own suffering. And yet she's never reached out to neighbours to check on them? How is that any good for neighbour relations?

The OP doesn't need to consider the neighbour anymore than she has given consideration.

She cab follow the usual paths. As has been discussed. The path for neighbour and LA may be different but effectively OP just needs to be a dog with a bone.

LA, landlord, SS, if her own children are young HV and GPs.

@Snoopdoggydog123

This isn't people having drugged up parties though where they can control their behaviour. The usual avenues might not work in this instance.

One of my friends is being harassed and intimidated constantly by a neighbour but they are not being dealt with as they are vulnerable due to MH. I can see both sides. In this instance though the child is lacking capacity, so probably different.

I just don't think it's helpful for either party for the OP to just complain. It probably won't get anywhere and will actually alienate her from the neighbour when they could try to find a solution together.

That is why SEND boards are helpful, because you get lived experience rather than opinion.

This is nonsense. Noise issues are dealt with by the LA. The LA would not treat a noise complaint relating to (say) nightly drill music at midnight in the same way as it treats (say) a crying baby or involuntary sounds made by a disabled person. It’s in the OP’s interests to understand this, and (as with any neighbour dispute) concilliation will be much more effective than the strategic geniuses on here who want to tell the neighbour to “sort it” is going to make a blind bit of difference to anything.

The family in question are in a private rental, not LA property so why would people be salivating.
Furthermore
As another up thread has mentioned an end of terrace would be more suitable

If designed as most terraces are not all bedrooms will be joined to the party wall.

There are long term solutions for someone who has a child that could disturb neighbours at night and I’m sure this child hasn’t just started doing this. That is on the neighbours to have had some foresight before moving in.

( on the assumption of course that this behaviour hasn’t just suddenly started )

Given his level of disability, I am surprised he is not in residential care. I mentioned Katie Price's son in a previous post. He went to residential school Monday to Friday I think. It can be better for the yp to get appropriate support and for the parent - and neighbours - to get respite.

The mother may not want this of course. But with this level of challenging behaviour I would think he would qualify.

Trouble is OP can't make it happen. But maybe getting to know mum might help - she might be able to use the neighbours' concerns to put pressure on the LA to come up with support, or she may realise herself that things can't continue.

I have two disabled children (not hugely disruptive but I have had my share of angry adults). Your neighbour may genuinely benefit from you expressing concern, if done sensitively x

The bottom line is if the neighbour posted then it's a SEN issue.

But she didn't. OP did. So it's just a noise issue. OP doesn't have to care about the who's wants or whys. She is just needing it to stop.

That's for others to concern themselves with.

So OP has been advised correctly on tha paths to follow to have the noise issue dealt with.

@Bumpitybumper I meant the mother of the disabled child speaks to the LA. Appreciate I didn't write that clear enough. The LA need to hear from the parents.

What solution did you suggest again?

I don't think the neighbour should put up with this either. She just needs to work something out with the neighbour. I'm not sure saying "don't put up with it" is particularly helpful to the OP. Might make you feel better in voicing your opinion, but this thread isn't about you experiencing this issue as a neighbour, or living with a disabled child with this behaviour.

This is why these threads need to get moved out of AIBU @MNHQ because you get a load of opinionated, inexperienced people not being really helpful and then people in the know about these situations justifying their solutions which might actually solve the problem, as they are misinterpretted the wrong way. (which aren't just suck up the noise if you read without confirmation bias).

I'm sick of trying to help people on here only for it to be trampled on by ignorant people trying to debate this dualistic arguement of whether a non SEN child's needs are more important than a SEN child's needs. Anyone with a SEN child doesn't think this at all and it's not a situation that can be solved by removing one persons needs over the other. All the children need a decent solution in this situation. Compromise, getting the right information and pursuing help achieves this, not a dualistic debate.

Can any SEN parents please speak to MNHQ about moving these threads somewhere a bit more productive? Lots of people don't even know there are SEND boards on here. I know people like traffic, but think quality of responses are better than quantity for the OP.

Did you mean to quote me?

Meanwhile no one has actually said this.

No one is delighted, but OP’s children are being adversely affected. They have rights and needs too.

Becsuse other posters seem delighted at the prospect of kicking out a disabled chid from their home.