To speak to my neighbour's about her disabled child?

This.

With situation I shared in my previous post, the verbal noises the child made (he would often shout and yelp) were not considered as part of the noise complaints. The banging and scraping were.

At no point was there any suggestion made of 'making the child stop'; simply that their property was not fit for purpose.

I would ask the people crying ableism: How long would you tolerate your children having to sleep in a tent in your garden or at a relative's house before you did something about it?

It's not ableist to want to live a regular, peaceful life.

No, but if the neighbours are complaining, it is more evidence if the mum does want it to put pressure on the LA.

I know parents sometimes have to persevere, but there is a huge spectrum of child's needs and support. And if there is a high level of need, the LA should be involved.

Tbh, if I was the OP I would call social services and make a report. This would definitely get services involved if they are not already involved, from a child in need, not child at risk, point of view.

No but they are often met in a day school ,my son goes to such a school it caters to kid ,s with severe ,and profound and multiple learning disabillities.

Thar doesnt mean she has to send her child away!
I have a severley disabled chiild who is in a special ,school ( not residential) he also hss very challeging behaviour ,residential hss never been discussed with us and irs not something we wish to pursue
I have a friend who has a son in resdential school ,it took untill things reached crisis point before the LA ageeed to fund it, took another year before a resdential school waa found that agreed it could meet my friends sons needs and its a six hour drive away ,its far from an easy option.

Sorry, I meant to say he went to specialist day school Monday to Friday and then to residential school

He has aged out and is in full time residential now I think.

It really isn't that hard to get this type of provision if a child has that level of need. I agree it's hard at the lower end of the sen scale. But I used to work on supporting parents with ehc plans and if there is huge need for support, the LA usually acts.

I actually visited Harvey's school. The children there had severe and multiple disabilities. No way would a LA leave those kids with no support.

It isn't at all difficult if you have a huge level of need and evidence. I would assume that there is an ehc plan in place ( England), or should be, unless mum pulled him out of school.

I did say the mum might not want to but things seem out of her control. At some point someone will have to act.

Perhaps a username like
Charlieboy would be more appropriate 😁

or did Camilla take that one 🤣

No, stop giving terrible advice.

The test for what constitutes a statutory nuisance when it comes to noise is available on most council's websites alongside what they would usually consider outside the scope of this. Crying babies and children playing are often explicitly mentioned as something that is outside of the scope. Involuntary noise made by a disabled person (child or not) is not explicitly excluded. This means that it is very much at the discretion of each LA whether they consider it is noise as that has occured as a result of a 'normal' activity. Someone banging their head against the wall for hours on end into the early hours of the morning absolutely could be considered unusual and unreasonable, irrespective of whether the noise is made involuntarily or by a child. OP may well find that the LA side with her if the noise is as bad as she says and impacting her family massively. As we discussed before, it's all about what is considered proportionate.

I don't know why you want to push conciliation so heavily when the neighbour may not be up for making adaptions or in a position to implement them. Conciliation is one option available but there are also other ones that may be more effective.

Well that's fine then. Sorry for getting into a debate about this. I just don't think it was good advice and I'm surprised a SEN teacher would suggest this. If you think my advice, (or all the other parents dealing with children with SEN on here) are wrong, we are better off agreeing to disagree. Nobody has said anyone's needs trump the others, just that it is a difficult situation and speaking direct first instead of complaining etc, is a bit more compassionate and probably better in the long run. Just seems logical to me, but ultimately it is up to the person with the issue what advice they take.

"Given his level of disability, I am surprised he is not in residential care. I mentioned Katie Price's son in a previous post. He went to residential school Monday to Friday I think. It can be better for the yp to get appropriate support and for the parent - and neighbours - to get respite."

Most children with those needs aren't in residential care or go to residential school. Katie Price's son went to residential college at 18 or 19.

Believe me, don't.
I honestly couldn't care less..

That doesn't make anything I've said less true.

I don't need to.
I have this crazy thing called real life.

That's hilarious, because posters were admonished for even thinking that the neighbour wasn't painfully aware.

If you are a SEN teacher (or a good one) then I am King Charles 😂

What pitchfork?
Again everyone has said to show kindness and compassion but also determination to prioritise her own children.

The neighbours lack of sleep is not the OPs concern. This is very much a stay in lane issue.

Then that's also not the OPs issue. The oP can't be criticised for not doing something that the neighbour herself hasn't done when it is her home that is the issue.

Nobody is shouting odds...detailed and thorough factual reports is what has been advised.

We are just going around in circles. I really would advise you to read what the parents with experience of SEN say on here, because ultimately they are the parents of the children you teach and care for. It is likely with your approach that you are missing something. The children and families you are working for should be at the centre of what you do, and we are telling you what the best approach is in a scenario like this. All your apparent expertise doesn't count for much if you think that trumps the experience of people living with special needs.

The first attempt to deal with this situation is to find out if the neighbour is even aware of the impact and if rooms can be moved. The OP has been given information here which she can use. She came here to find it, so wants to approach this in the best way and we've advised her how to do this.

Everyone, literally everyone who has posted has expressed sympathy with the OP and her children. I have it in spades. Some of us happen to also think that going around to the neighbour with a pitchfork or just locking horns without the courtesy of a conversation first, is at best counterproductive and at worst, downright cruel. It is vanishingly unlikely that the neighbour is not aware and I am pretty sure she’d appreciate a decent night’s sleep herself!

I suspect the neighbour has not approached OP because she knows it’s a problem, she has no solution, is sleep-deprived and lacking support. There are no baddies here, it’s not a fucking Spielberg movie, and it’s in everyone’s interests to escalate this to a satisfactory solution. It is very unlikely that simply shouting the odds to the LA or landlord will solve anything quickly. It will certainly remove any motivation on the part of the neighbour to help OP.

I could easily say the same for you.

You don't get it do you?

Why should she care if it alienates her from.her neighbour?
She has no relationship and the neighbour offers her no support.
By the sounds of it she hasn't even approved her to apologise for the noise.

I don't think that even needs to be a concern.

Where's the compassion for OP? Why has the neighbour not approached her already?

Very cowardly.

It worries me the lack of insight that some have about the impact this is having on OPs children.

DS is only 9, but there are no suitable clubs (and I’m not sure he’d cope anyway tbh!) We have a specialist nanny for the holidays, but it’s eye-wateringly expensive. (Worth it on the basis that I’d go completely crackers if I didn’t work!) I don’t know any parents in our area who have actually received any respite care. As you say, it’s really variable.

I must admit I haven’t looked into direct payments. Tbh after the epic battle to get DS into a suitable specialist school (which took 5 years) I took a bit of a breather from the old “autism admin”. I probably need to get back on the case now. 👍🏻

I’m always happy to hear when someone is getting the correct respite from their LA - although it also sounds like you had an epic wait!!

Exactly !

Well yes it is an option, but as I mentioned before, it is just going to alienate her from the neighbour. It's better to try the more compassionate way of talking to the neighbour first surely? They haven't even had a conversation yet. Just seems more sensible to try this first than put the parents of the child through complaints, SS, etc. To be honest if a neighbour did this to me without even trying to speak to me I would have less respect for them. If someone spoke to me and we both had an understanding of the situation and the impact I think it is likely to be more effective and not put a strain on the relationship.

I wouldn't mind a neighbour complaining about my son as we are in an unsuitable property and this would help us, but I'd feel differently about this if I wasn't approached first so I could try do to something to minimise the disruption. It's a bit cowardly to not speak to someone and just complain, especially in this situation where there are severe disabilities.

Sorry but I just think your advice isn't helpful in the first instance, maybe later down the line possibly. It worries me that you are a SEN teacher and give that advice to be honest.

Agree.
Of course OP should make everyone aware of what her family are going through due to the noise and vibrations at night.

This is detrimental to the health of her children and herself. If she was to get into a car and drive after a night ( or many ) of no sleep she is putting her family in danger. How can OP carry on with life after no sleep.

OP should not be sitting back and sucking this up. She needs to make everyone aware, including her own landlord and the neighbours.

She needs to keep a diary of how often this nuisance occurs and report it.

Its on the neighbour, her landlord and whoever else to solve the issue.

I also have incredible expertise, I am also compassionate and empathic.

Or did you only mean to one set of people?

I have never ending sympathy for what OP and her children are enduring and have strived through this post to focus on their needs to find a resolution That honours their needs and rights.