To speak to my neighbour's about her disabled child?

Maybe just have a conversation about it and then when she says about maybe not knowing what to do or what they've already tried say to her oh I read about some sensory things that might help I know it's a long shot but you never know
Sensory Alternatives:
Provide safe and calming sensory activities like a stress ball, weighted blanket, or fidget toys to help the child regulate their senses without resorting to banging.

My son is autistic and non verbal and my neighbour recently came round to tell us the noise he made was getting her down. We were not offended at all, just upset that it was distressing her. Please tell her and let her know you understand and you're not having a go.

I’d definitely have a chat with her but keep it super super nice. Like ask if there’s anything that can be done or if he can move to a different room but you 100-% know it’s not intentional

If you do decide to approach them about it, please be kind they’re probably at breaking point as it is from experience

Your neighbour knows. I can promise you.
They too will be exhausted, and depressed to the deepest level of their psyche as they will have had years of it.

If it’s going on during the day the neighbour is unlikely to be getting adequate support or respite.
It’s a shit show all round. Am very sorry for you too though. (I am similarly sorry for my own neighbours as we also live in a Victorian Terrace with our similar child, who has autism and severe learning difficulties and extreme behaviour).

Can I beg that you be as kind as you can find it possible to be to your neighbour and direct them to this website:
https://www.gov.uk/disabled-facilities-grants/what-youll-get

There are actually loads of things that can be done to the housing to assist with soundproofing if the child is under 18 and eligible and we had this done via this grant.

We had an OT assigned who came around and helped with all things including soundproofing. They are able to order a specialist bed for example that will surround the child’s bed with soundproofing. They can put some sort of specialist glass in the window which cuts down on noise escaping too.

It may be that your telling her about this, and being lovely and supportive, (not least because being anything else cannot help anyone) could help her with the disabled facilities grant, as she can cite you as a witness. Maybe you could offer to write a letter to social services which might increase the speed of their allocating support.

Really sorry for you OP and you sound kind, just desperate. But if you can extend a hand a friendship in this way, ultimately you might help to get this sorted and make life a bit better for both you and your neighbour.

This

What a crazy post! Trying to guilt trip OP for even talking to her neighbour. We have absolutely no idea if the neighbour is doing all they can to make the noise stop. OP is absolutely within her rights to complain to the authorities about this noise and have it treated in the same way as other statutory noise.

Op,
I am/have been living this same experience, minus that the child next door to me (terraced) has full time carers that live with him on rotating shifts rather than family.

The noise is horrendous, it can start anywhere between 6-10 pm and goes on until 4 am at times. The child next to me is older - teens and physically throws the furniture around the house, I'm talking throwing wardrobes against the floor and walls
on repeat for hours.

I spoke to them at first, they were very understanding, promised change
etc it never happened. I tried to be understanding but after a week solid of such disrupted sleep I was physically being sick, my partner couldn't drive as he didn't feel safe - he had to take sick leave as he was a delivery driver at the time, but so sleep deprived he couldn't stay awake at the wheel, no exaggeration. I called social services and the council and put in a noise complaint, I didn't want to, I felt awful but I felt I had no choice, we couldn't live that way. The child is now medicated, and it is better, but we still
have times when they are up all night. I would say try to talk to the neighbour, yes she knows it happens but may not be aware of just how much you can hear, but you may have no choice than to put in a complaint, unless you choose to move. It's not a nice situation to be in and I have a lot of empathy for you and for them. I hope it gets sorted out for you, other things you can try in your house for your kids is white noise/ classical music / Yoto players - I find leaving them playing low level all night helps them sleep better.

What do you hope to gain by talking to here about it ,she can't stop him believe if she could she would ,all you will achieve is make her feel judged and add another layer of pressure without solving the issue . This comment doesn't mean I don't sympathise with you. My try ear plugs ?

I can't speak for the PPs situation but space and safety are usually the reasons. Access to the kitchen/other hazards, not being on the same floor to monitor behaviour etc.

That sounds rough.

I wonder why they don’t create a bedroom downstairs for her. It would seem an obvious solution.

We have the same, my neighbours child is autistic and screams, bangs the walls, windows and everything outside like the gates etc. I have an illness that makes me hypersensitive to noise too so we all have to wear ear plugs at night, not basic foam but the noise cancelling ones, not ideal and quite expensive but it's the only way we can get any sleep. They are such a lovely family and my heart goes out to them, unfortunately my partner got fed up and shouted through the wall a few times but I told him to stop. They take her downstairs sometimes in the night if it gets really bad and she won't settle. Have a chat and see if you can come to a solution before you end up arguing, lack of sleep can cause all sorts of serious health problems.

It's a difficult one but you and your family can't go on like that indefinitely.
I'd call round and have a chat explain what's happening and how its affecting your family going to school.
Be understanding..but firm that something needs to be done .

You clearly have very little understanding of a severely autistic child who is non verbal with limited to no understanding if you think it's a learnt behaviour.

Speak to her about it and see if that resolves the matter. If not, contact your Community Safety Team at the local council i dealt with this type of problem quite often when I was managing a team in my local area. They and other agencies can reach out to see what support is needed and why he's doing this.

Yes she did say hers was rented also which is why she can’t add soundproofing

Speak to her, but work with her. You probably don’t even have the slightest idea what it’s like to be a parent of such a child.

Exactly @Bluebell865 - nice bit of casual ableism, “it’s learnt behaviour”. (Newsflash: it isn’t).

She will know ..and probably be at the end of her tether 😢
If I were you I’d let her know and see what the resolution could be .
Maybe he can have melatonin to help him sleep ?
Or he can move bedroom?
This will be difficult as autistic people mostly don’t deal well with any change at all .
It could potentially be possible if she can replicate his room layout exactly in another bedroom.
You and your children can’t repeatedly have your sleep disturbed

Tell me you know nothing about low functioning without saying so explicitly!

As I explained, we’ve already been assessed, DS’ needs meet the criteria for respite, but (3 years later) there is still none available. It’s the same for most parents at DS’ school who live in our LA. So yes, it really is that hard in many parts of the UK, and I can assure you that plenty of children are not even getting their legal entitlements in the EHCP, much less any parental support.

It is not acceptable though. Its awful but there is seldom nothing that can be done. Its a learnt behaviour. Your children's development can't suffer for his needs sadly.

"It isn't at all difficult if you have a huge level of need and evidence. I would assume that there is an ehc plan in place ( England), or should be, unless mum pulled him out of school.
I did say the mum might not want to but things seem out of her control. At some point someone will have to act."

Even if social care agree that a child meets the criteria it is not easy to find a placement. There are far more wanting placements than there are placements.

Also social care are never going to try to force a placement for a child for just wall banging.

My son would be considered "more disabled" than Harvey, and my worst nightmare is him having to go into a residential home. He is my son, I adore him, and I want him to stay with me for as long as he needs. It isn't the norm for children like mine to go to residential care these days. We accept that life will not be as we thought and we do what we can to give them a good life.