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Original poster

To speak to my neighbour's about her disabled child?

538 replies

RootsBeforeTheFruits · 16/04/2025 23:16

OK I've named changed....

I've recently moved house and have been at the new house about 9 months, for the first few months next door was empty and being renovated. Once it finished it was quickly rented out to my current neighbour's. She's a nice enough woman we have a gab in passing, she had a son with additional needs.

Here's the problem ....it's a terraced style house and he frequently bangs shit out of the walls, in the day I don't mind as much it's the day, but he bangs well into the night i don't mean the odd tapping it's actually shaking our walls. It frequently wakes my children up in the night and they've been extra tired in school.

Do I speak to her about it, i explain to the children that he has additional needs and more than likely can't help this behavior, I really don't know what to do

OP posts:
ButterCrackers · 19/04/2025 08:59

Sheeparelooseagain · 19/04/2025 08:58

"Options are available as stated through this thread."

By people who have never had a severely autistic teenager.

Are you saying that medication and respite care are lies? Do you cause your neighbours untenable noise ?

Sheeparelooseagain · 19/04/2025 08:58

"Options are available as stated through this thread."

By people who have never had a severely autistic teenager.

ButterCrackers · 19/04/2025 08:55

Bluebell865 · 19/04/2025 08:50

Because you know well there isn't much (or any) help in the current climate the family is likely to be able to get...

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You speak for yourself not me. Do you think that the op should put up with the noise?

Bluebell865 · 19/04/2025 08:50

ButterCrackers · 19/04/2025 08:47

I’m not your secretary - have a read through.

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Because you know well there isn't much (or any) help in the current climate the family is likely to be able to get...

ButterCrackers · 19/04/2025 08:47

Bluebell865 · 19/04/2025 08:45

"throughout the thread"? these are mainly non options. Can you list the actual options?

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I’m not your secretary - have a read through.

Whitste1 · 19/04/2025 08:45

Gosh, this resonates with a similar situation we found ourselves in when we moved house.

Neighbours son had additional needs and his mum sought respite in allowing him to game with his headset literally all night which echoed through our bedroom and beyond. He'd also jumped around in excitement and the house too would shake. She used to go to bed and put in her earplugs. However, we couldn't do this as our kids were small and sometimes needed us in the night so we needed to hear them.

After months of deliberating, we finally spoke to her about it with great sensitivity but she wasn't compassionate in the slightest and twisted it so that we were the ones with the issue. We ended up moving because we couldn't cope with it anymore.

Please do try and speak to her about it because you shouldn't have to put up with this and your're entitled to sleep. But also take into consideration she might not be receptive to you 'complaining' about her son.

Good luck OP.

Bluebell865 · 19/04/2025 08:45

ButterCrackers · 19/04/2025 08:43

I edited and answered your question before I saw it as such

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"throughout the thread"? these are mainly non options. Can you list the actual options?

ButterCrackers · 19/04/2025 08:43

Bluebell865 · 19/04/2025 08:40

I don't question the fact that OP has little control. I just wondered what all these options are which the neighbour has...

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I edited and answered your question before I saw it as such

Bluebell865 · 19/04/2025 08:40

ButterCrackers · 19/04/2025 08:36

How does the OP have more control then? Is she the legal guardian of the neighbours child? Does she own the house the neighbours live in? The parent of the child making noise has the responsibility here and there can act. Options are available as stated through this thread. The only thing that the op can do is advocate for her kids rights by complaining about environmental noise pollution.

Edited
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I don't question the fact that OP has little control. I just wondered what all these options are which the neighbour has...

ButterCrackers · 19/04/2025 08:36

Bluebell865 · 19/04/2025 08:35

The mother of the disabled child will have far more control over the situation than OP. She will have options. Maybe options she doesn't like or want to use but they will be available for her.

@Bumpitybumper what options???

How does the OP have more control then? Is she the legal guardian of the neighbours child? Does she own the house the neighbours live in? The parent of the child making noise has the responsibility here and there can act. Options are available as stated through this thread. The only thing that the op can do is advocate for her kids rights by complaining about environmental noise pollution.

Bluebell865 · 19/04/2025 08:35

The mother of the disabled child will have far more control over the situation than OP. She will have options. Maybe options she doesn't like or want to use but they will be available for her.

@Bumpitybumper what options???

ButterCrackers · 19/04/2025 08:33

Sheeparelooseagain · 19/04/2025 08:27

"She will have options. Maybe options she doesn't like or want to use but they will be available for her."

Which are ?

She can ask her doctor for ideas. She can ask the autism charity for ideas.

ButterCrackers · 19/04/2025 08:31

Bumpitybumper · 19/04/2025 08:09

No, absolutely don't be guilt tripped into doing this. How on earth is it a 'luxury' for OP to be forced to expend her own time, money and resources sound proofing her house from anti social and unreasonable noise coming for her neighbour's house? Sleep deprivation can kill people and is a basic human need.

The mother of the disabled child will have far more control over the situation than OP. She will have options. Maybe options she doesn't like or want to use but they will be available for her.

OP is completely within her rights to complain to the LA and to take formal action.

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Absolutely. The op must he shattered as are her kids and here she’s told to offer the neighbour respite care. Social services, environmental health reporting needs to be done instead of respite care.

Sheeparelooseagain · 19/04/2025 08:30

I assume you are excluding tie him up but may be you are not.

Sheeparelooseagain · 19/04/2025 08:27

"She will have options. Maybe options she doesn't like or want to use but they will be available for her."

Which are ?

Bumpitybumper · 19/04/2025 08:09

DetectiveDouche · 18/04/2025 22:10

Not half as shattered as the poor mum of this child. Been there.. lived that. The neighbours complaining is the last thing she needs.. her life is hard enough. OP, look for a solution that reduces the noise your side. You have that luxury

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No, absolutely don't be guilt tripped into doing this. How on earth is it a 'luxury' for OP to be forced to expend her own time, money and resources sound proofing her house from anti social and unreasonable noise coming for her neighbour's house? Sleep deprivation can kill people and is a basic human need.

The mother of the disabled child will have far more control over the situation than OP. She will have options. Maybe options she doesn't like or want to use but they will be available for her.

OP is completely within her rights to complain to the LA and to take formal action.

ButterCrackers · 19/04/2025 07:58

TumbledTussocks · 19/04/2025 07:46

I don’t think you’ve much experience of non verbal teenage lads.

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Do you think that the op has to put up with the noise?

TumbledTussocks · 19/04/2025 07:46

ButterCrackers · 17/04/2025 13:10

The son can be stopped from banging on the walls. It’s unacceptable to give you this noise. Report to the local council for noise.

I don’t think you’ve much experience of non verbal teenage lads.

DrPrunesqualer · 19/04/2025 01:21

DetectiveDouche · 18/04/2025 22:10

Not half as shattered as the poor mum of this child. Been there.. lived that. The neighbours complaining is the last thing she needs.. her life is hard enough. OP, look for a solution that reduces the noise your side. You have that luxury

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It’s not OPs responsibility
She must talk to the neighbour
Keep a record
Talk to landlords if nothing changes

OPs kids and her own health are her concern
She has rights too. A right to peaceful enjoyment of her home and a right to sleep.
The disruption and noise is affecting the health and well-being of OP and her children.
The neighbour needs to know and needs to find a solution.

NaiceEagle · 18/04/2025 23:00

Maybe ask her how things are going, seeing as she has shared with you about his additional needs, and ask what support she is getting. She may open up that support is lacking. Maybe school could help or the MP. My sister has had this situation from next door to her, from a lovely family.
My sister working ft too, was often at her wit's end by 3am. She contacted her local MP as the school could not cope either and the child was not in education. It will be distressing for both you and your neighbours. I feel for you all.

TheHerboriste · 18/04/2025 22:14

DetectiveDouche · 18/04/2025 22:10

Not half as shattered as the poor mum of this child. Been there.. lived that. The neighbours complaining is the last thing she needs.. her life is hard enough. OP, look for a solution that reduces the noise your side. You have that luxury

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The other person’s plight is not the OP’s problem. She has to think of her own family’s health.

SouthLondonMum22 · 18/04/2025 22:13

Sennelier1 · 18/04/2025 21:47

Could you possibly sit together with your neighbour for a mother-to-mother talk and try to find a solution? The boy is in his teens, so not a baby anymore. Maybe he could direct his activity to a dedicated place in the house or the garden? Would a punchbag help? Or maybe his parents/his mother could ask him to only punch a mattress put up against one wall, and make it clear to him that's the only place he's allowed to punch?

How do you make it clear to a non verbal severely autistic teen who may physically look like a teen but that's where the likeness ends?

DetectiveDouche · 18/04/2025 22:10

KarCat · 16/04/2025 23:18

Of course speak to her!
She may be unaware he’s doing it.
Your poor kids must be shattered.

Not half as shattered as the poor mum of this child. Been there.. lived that. The neighbours complaining is the last thing she needs.. her life is hard enough. OP, look for a solution that reduces the noise your side. You have that luxury

x2boys · 18/04/2025 21:51

Sennelier1 · 18/04/2025 21:47

Could you possibly sit together with your neighbour for a mother-to-mother talk and try to find a solution? The boy is in his teens, so not a baby anymore. Maybe he could direct his activity to a dedicated place in the house or the garden? Would a punchbag help? Or maybe his parents/his mother could ask him to only punch a mattress put up against one wall, and make it clear to him that's the only place he's allowed to punch?

I dont think you understand severe autism my so will be 15 next months and is cognitivly around 2/3

Sennelier1 · 18/04/2025 21:47

Could you possibly sit together with your neighbour for a mother-to-mother talk and try to find a solution? The boy is in his teens, so not a baby anymore. Maybe he could direct his activity to a dedicated place in the house or the garden? Would a punchbag help? Or maybe his parents/his mother could ask him to only punch a mattress put up against one wall, and make it clear to him that's the only place he's allowed to punch?

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