To speak to my neighbour's about her disabled child?

My point is no matter what is causing the disturbance, whether it’s intentional, avoidable or deliberate (or not) - the effect on the OP is the same. If it can’t be resolved then maybe eviction of the neighbour is the only solution

What do you suggest the solution is ?an all night rave is deliberate and the person/s holding it are fully aware of their actions ,invountry noise caused by a disabled child isnt im not saying its acceptable but there are no easy solutions.

Surely excessive levels of noise (whether caused by disabled children or all night raves) are unacceptable and should be challenged? A disabled child will always be an emotive subject but a disturbance is a disturbance and we shouldn’t be side-tracked by the reasoning being it.

<waits for @ButterCrackers to respond and to ask once again if that means that the OP should just suck it up>

Well yeah ,but it cant be magiced up out of thin air can it?

“Saying a solution must be found doesn’t really help anyone” It would help the OP fact.

Unfortunately you can’t always redirect. Particularly when non-verbal. And also especially once they are big.

OP have a talk to her. It may be that you can help her get a more suitable housing association property and a terraced house sound entirely unsuitable. Also LAs won’t pay for adaptations to privately rented houses but can if the tenancy is more secure (such a the ex council housing association).

I would start by saying you realise that she might not be able to do anything but just describe your problem. Offer to write a letter to the LA / housing detailing the issues and what has been tried. He may be fine in an end Terrace if the banging is contained to one wall (he may not, would need an assessment).

Where did i say i thought it was ok ?
We can go round and round in circles but the fact iis there is no easy solution

So you think it ok that the OP and family can’t sleep?

Out of interest what were you nightmare years, currently in the trenches with my almost 5 year old daughter waiting for some light at the end of the tunnel

Fact is, no one on here knows what remedies the mother of the autistic child has tried, or what help she has tried to access.

I have two adopted, autistic daughters who are now adults, both of whom attended separate schools and colleges, clubs etc and I know a huge number of autistic children and their parents.

And every family is different. Some parents go looking for as much help as possible while others are more likely to huddle down and deal with it themselves. Some see autism as society's problem to deal with, while others try to get the autistic person to conform to society's norms.

And so we don't know if the neighbour is trying everything or is more of a "yes, he's autistic, deal with it" sort of person.

I have two adopter friends whose teenage children's behaviour is extremely challenging and they are utterly unintimidated by it or by anyone who gets upset by it.

I was much more of the "how can I not disturb others" mentality, for better or worse.

But anyway, my point is that there might be things the mother hasn't tried yet. And maybe a chat might make her reconsider, contact services etc.

A lot of people on here are saying there are no services. But if you don't ask you definitely don't get. I was told over and over I wouldn't get x or y and did get it.

I could be that child's Mother (our nightmare years). My neighbour, went to our landlord rather than coming to me. I was aware my son was loud but with PDA I had little control. As soon as I was made aware my neighbour could hear him from the side furthest away from her house I used sound proofing sheets. I'd have appreciated her honesty if she'd come to me first. I guess I must be scary :)

Actually we had to ask the family of an elderly person with dementia to sort out noise all night long. It was from a house at a good distance as well. At night the tv was on full - perhaps some extra speaker system due to the noise level - with the windows open. In the day I couldn’t complain but for at night absolutely we could complain. The noise travelled something crazy. Eventually the family found a solution with headphones. It took calls and pressure because they didn’t care.

"No, we can't describe your teenager's autism "

Well that poster seemed to think they knew all about and how to manage behaviours of mine and every other autistic teenager.

No, we can't describe your teenager's autism or an elderly person's dementia or any other medical condition or disability that could lead to someone making antisocial noise at all hours of the day and night. The fact is though, there is an overriding right for all of us to be able to enjoy our home without putting up with unreasonable levels of nuisance noise irrespective of the cause. I have mentioned countless times that Councils will list what constitutes a statutory nuisance when it comes to noise and the ordinary day to day noises that would be exempt from this rule. A disabled person banging the wall continuously until the early hours of the morning is not an exemption. This is because fundamentally the emphasis is on the level of disruption and distress is causes people to live next to a noise nuisance rather than the cause of the nuisance.

Before people accuse me of being ableist, it is well known that lots of disabilities cause people to be highly sensitive to noise. The noise nusiance laws exist to protect disabled people too from noise that will cause a great deal of distress and harm to them. Just because Betty next door has dementia this doesn't mean a child with ASD should have to suffer her screaming at all hours of the night.

Same.

To move tbh as in reality its essier to tske herself and her children away from the situation than waiting a long time for solution ,s that might never be available.

Sometimes not even that. My son at 9 is now hopefully going get a named paediatric consultant, only because tics and seizures, his behaviour (distressed) at that app meant they have now got LD team snd play therapists in to help manage the procedures he needs, mri, lumbar puncture, eeg. But he has actually never been seen by nhs paediatric, his diagnosises asd, pda, complex snd profound sensory processing issues I had to put on a credit card as he has been waiting since he was 5. Initial referral at age 4 turned down because.. covid...

My experience and that of families I work with is not unusual, this is the reality.

I got a nice leaflet directing me to a few websites for support.. ie nothing at all from.the nhs. Early help cant help, social care won't help.

Even for complex and severe needs there are minimal services and it's a fight for everything.

What do you suggest for the op?

No but realistically its a difficult and complex situation that cant be solved easily ,saying a solution must be found doesnt really help anyone.

Your neice may be able to learn but not all can. This is a teenage boy, at a specialist schools its likely many strategies have already been tried. Yes the family need support, it may be adaptations to the home or a more suitable home, but as has been reiterated many times on this thread, none of this is easy to get. The services are underfunded slow, beaurocratuc, croteria are strict snd it's an exhausting fight. If the OP also pushes the council (ideally speaking with her neighbour about this too) this may help but is also still likely to be slow and may not result in much being done.

We all feel sympathetic for the Osp, it is not fair that this noise is disturbing them but there are no quick fixes, it's not her or her neighbours fault that there is so little support for families in this situation. No one shoukd have to fight this hard for support for their child but it is the reality for families with durability not just autism but all manner of disabilities and it continues on throughout life.

Even once you get support they constantly try to take it away. I know a family who now have an amazing term time place for their autistic, LD, PDA child BUT every year they have to fight to ensure it continues. It has been life changing for the child who was at risk of going into emergency care due to behaviours. He now has round clock support, 2:1 and is doing amazingly as all staff are PDA trained, he is in bespoke setting, with a team of staff. And with needs being met behaviours reduced, that then try to take it away 🙄 as soon as you reduce support it all falls apart. But every year they go through a rigmarole of sending the EHCP to different settings including msinstream (which would never be suitable child is 17 and has been in 3 specialist settings since age 6, it toon them until age 14 to find the one that works). The fight the family have had to get support and then to keep it in place. This is in a case where they were hurting parents, siblings ended up at a&e a real risk to life, it was that extreme due to overwhelm caused by being in the wrong school!

I do wonder how much people understand of the realities faced by families snd how hard it is to get any support, it really is not a case of needing to parent better and teach these children. It's about getting needs met, supports, adaptations. Even getting a decent sensory OT assessments is impossible in some areas of the country, I am in norfolk snd had to pay privately for one, even then I had to fight to get the county council to accept it and put the recommendations into child's EHCP.

I work in a complex needs school with children like the boy described, they fight daily to help families get support.

Check you with your reading comprehension statement.

Yes. I know. Causing suffering to others is not part of the condition though. The op shouldn’t be suffering.

I have answered this question so many times. Is there something wrong with your reading comprehension???

As a mum who has a 14 year old daughter who is non verbal and autistic, I would want my neighbour to come and speak to me about this.
My dd doesn’t bang walls and thankfully sleeps well the majority of the time. However when she has a meltdown in the day she can seriously stamp her feet, and when she does it upstairs it makes an awful sound throughout the house.

Neighbours next door must be able to hear it. I’ve spoken to them multiple times and have apologized, and also made them aware that we do try to stop it asap so that it doesn’t continue. Next door are amazing, and say they don’t hear her often and are very understanding.

Maybe your neighbour doesn’t realise it’s having such an impact on you & your family x