To speak to my neighbour's about her disabled child?

I understand he has a disability, but it doesn’t mean everyone else has to put up with no sleep because of it. I say this as someone who has a number of disabled children in their wider family.

normal every day noise is fine, but constant excessive banging throughout the night is not fine imo.

you have to be tolerant to him in some ways though.

i used to do supported living with adults with disabilities and the neighbours used to complain about them all the time and we were under constant pressure to keep them quiet when they were doing every day things like….

• sitting on the bench in the front garden saying morning to everyone that passed. Neighbours complained to the owner of the company and we were told he couldn’t sit outside
• singing in the shower - neighbours complained again and we always had to ensure the bathroom window was closed when he went in.
• singing in the garden with his headphone on (he loved bobbing round the garden with his headphones on singing) but we had to stop him doing that 🙄.

Those sort of things I don’t agree with moaning about but in your situation you shouldn’t be made to just put up with it.

Speak to the neighbour. She needs to professionally pad the walls with mattresses. My friend's parents had to do this once for her disabled sister.

It can be done and it makes life for all much more bearable.
If the neighbour can not afford to install padded walls, help her set up a Go-Fund-Me page. Any money generated will help with some padding.

Of course not but they are in rented accommodation. If there is no resolution with optimal suppprt as I have suggested, the mother and her son could be rehoused or the op could move.

The neighbour is not the OPs concern.
Of course manners and the delivery of the message needs to be thought of.
But the bottom line isn't "is the neigh our OK?"

It's "my children need to be able to sleep, how are you going to help that?"

It would be cruel to mince that or muddy the water with fake concern and could delay the needed resolution.

It's hardly a transient issue, if it's affecting them every night in their own home, is it? Do they just put up with it for years?

Speak to the council and log every incident so that there is a picture of when this behaviour happens. Try to find out who her landlord is too, you can find the owner by searching property records. It's likely they will not be too happy to hear that someone is hammering on their walls all the time and potentially causing damage.

It's not the child's fault they are disabled and not the parent's fault either. But the council and the landlord have a duty of care to you as the neighbour. It may simply be the case that this property is not suitable for these people.

A lot of posters seem to think you should put up with it because the neighbours are not to blame for the behaviour. That's not the case. Just because it's not their fault the child is disabled doesn't mean that you're not entitled to live in a normal, peaceful environment. You being right doesn't make them wrong.

Yes, by all means speak to her. "I just wanted to check that you are OK. We hear yiur son throughout the night and hope you are getting all the support you need and if there's anything we can do to help to suppprt you to make sure it's optimal."

Meanwhile invest in some earplugs and than God every day that your children do not have the same disabilities. For your family the issue is transient, for your neighbour, she will contend with it for the rest of her life.

You do need to speak to her and yes she may not be receptive but if it's affecting your own children's health maybe there are things that can be done.

For example soft sensory padding on certain walls if he has certain areas he bangs against. It may be that she can redirect him to an area of the house where it's less likely to wake you children (she may not be able to but perhaps could try). It may be that you can help her in seeking support for him.

Just say to her that you understand she must be tired too but wanted to see if there is anything that could be tried that may ease your kids tiredness and/or that might help her too.

You can’t possibly know she’s done everything she could. She’s probably just in survival mode and lets him do whatever keeps him occupied. She might not have even considered the neighbours one jot.

I very much doubt that there's anything she can do to stop it, if he's both non verbal autistic but also of an age to be bigger and stronger than her. I suspect she's living a nightmare.

This. Posters saying you and your children just have to accept having your walls banged through the night are insane.

your children are your only responsibility, they need to sleep.

I think it may be worth speaking to her about it for her sake - because she is almost certainly incredibly stressed about it, and knowing that you are sympathetic will reduce some of that.

You shouldn't have to live with that but it's hard to know what can actually be done - if there was something your neighbour could do, I expect she would have.

I’d speak to her. You never know, she might be able to move bedrooms around or something to reduce the impact on you at least. Telling her does not mean you’re being unkind or showing a lack of understanding

I was going to say, if he was a toddler, she'd be able to move him away but as I suspected, he's older and could already be bigger and stronger than her.

She won't be oblivious, she will be living in her own despair, trust me. We got some medication called 'Melatonin' this would help him settle but he would still spring up around 3am. Yes, a fidget toy/s or punch bag may help or changing rooms for.the boy to other side of house, if possible.

Be gentle when you raise this because it seems likely that she is fully aware because his banging also keeps her awake.

As you know, tiredness is soul-destroying, so bear in mind that she may already be at the end of her tether because of his banging.

How old is he roughly?

I'm sure she might've already thought about that.

Her job is to advocate for her child.

Your job is to advocate for yours.
If you sit here hand wringing over her and her child who's looking out for yours?
They matter just as much. They have just as many needs and rights.

No chance should you need to think about paying to soundproof anything! Even if you owned your home, it’s ludicrous to suggest that you shell out for this issue.

She needs to find something else for him to punch.