To speak to my neighbour's about her disabled child?

Have you been round, @RootsBeforeTheFruits? Please let us know how it goes and remember, you’re not in the wrong for politely raising the issue! You’re just advocating for your own children.

This reminds of a thread that happened when the first lockdown started. A similar situation, a child with additional needs was making it hard for the poster to enjoy her garden by day, and the house by night. I had expected this poster would receive support from other posters, but she got trashed. So we never got to know if it was resolved.

So OP, I'm glad to see you have received some helpful responses. YANBU, and as other people have said, raise it with her first, but if nothing changes, then you need to contact the council. Your children matter too.

Speak to her, but not in the way I think you mean. Ask her how she is coping, see if there’s anything you can do to help. Invite her over for a cuppa, make sure she knows she and her son are welcome. Make friends and be supportive. I guarantee you she is already doing absolutely everything she can to keep him quiet, she will be exhausted too. Help her to access services, perhaps even offer her some respite if you can so she can have a quiet 30 mins to herself. Buy some earplugs, get additional insulation. These are the things you can do to make a difference.

OP didn’t say her home was rented, she said next door was rented

I think you should definately talk to her, let her know it's keeping your kids up, but present her with possible solutions eg he moves to another room on the other side of the house, she try the padding a PP referred to, or a punch bag.

I'm sure she's aware, as PPs have said, but she may not have looked into any mitigation measures.

Don't feel guilty about raising the issue with her, your kids - and you - need a peaceful home.

As you're renting, you could leave if no improvement happens, and tell your landlord why, so they can look into soundproofing.

But that doesn’t remove OP’s legal rights to ‘peaceful enjoyment’ of her home.

If it's harming your own children you need to say something

Just because he has a disability & it isn't deliberate doesn't mean it's not hell & doesn't mean you & your children need to suffer.

Speak to her first & see if she can come up with a solution - there may be benefits eg DLA she could apply for to help with costs of equipment, soundproofing etc. Stress to her that you understand it's not deliberate but that it does need to be addressed.

If she does nothing you need to escalate via the council. Constant noise overnight that can be heard within your home & that is harming your child is something that would be a priority to address.

Keep a daily record of everything & keep recordings of the noise, vibration etc.

It is only fair to you and your children to tell her how much it disrupts your life. It is probable that she will be able to use this to get re-housed to somewhere more suitable. Or that there is an organisation that will soundproof things or change the setup in the house that she lives in.

I agree with asking her if everything is ok. Also good plan to mention council grants and occupational therapy funding for padding for the walls.

If it is rented, I would just move once the contract is up

Oh god I was a probably a neighbour like this, had to live in a terrace with disabled DS and felt so so bad for the neighbours. I did my best.

we were fortunate enough to move into a detached after a year and I can breathe now. It’s such a tricky situation for everyone.

Of course you must mention it. She may not realise how much it is harming your children.

Sounds like hell to be honest, just because it's not her nor her child's fault doesn't make it any easier for you. I'd speak sensitively about it, your children are rightfully your priority.

However, the op children need to sleep, as does the op who I’m sure works and needs to sleep.

it’s hardly transient, and as many other poster have mentioned sleep deprivation is awful.

I absolutely sympathise with the neighbour, but you are very dismissive of the the effect on the op.

oops my images are under review..bare with.

Is it an end terrace. If not is the property on the otherside having the same problem. I have an autistic son - he sometimes shouts but he doesn't bang walls (but he is not non verbal). Your neighbour needs sympathy, rest and cake (not grumbling). I cannot understand how it impacts on a victoriana 3 story terrace - all the way up and down - new build maybe. As I said my son can be a bit noisy so we make sure his bedroom is not on the joining wall. I suspect he needs to bang the walls - but not all the walls on every floor. Talk to your neighbour - show some kindness.

I dont know your relationship with her and if she would take the suggestion but just in case you get a chance to talk about the issue and she hasnt any idea of what to do...here are some examples.
One is a cheaper diy option and the other is theproffesional type...she would need to apply for a grant for that.

I think she needs to find a way to make it less disruptive to her neighbour. Padded mats or foam tiles to the walls would be a cheap fix.

They can change the bedroom configuration can't they?

Well but she might not. No harm in asking.

Just tell her the issue and suggest she looks for a disability grant to get some thick padding for his walls.

I know you shouldnt have to but if you could change the layout of the affected room a wardrobe or something on that wall may absorb a bit of sound..I've actually got cheap foam soundproofing tiles behind furniture on my shared wall and it helps.

Also, definitely talk to the neighbour first before going to the council/ landlord etc. Basically give her a chance to actually acknowledge and deal with the problem before doing something which might cause legal / housing issues for her as well as completely sour your relationship

Ahh so tough this one. I probably wouldn’t say anything, because I don’t know what the mum can do to resolve the problem. I’d maybe invest in decent and comfortable ear plugs for the night times.

The council.are not going to.kick a disabled child out for behaviour he can't control .

She probably is aware he is doing it but might not realise the impact it is having on you (ie if you are a relatively quiet family, she might not appreciate how much noise / vibrations travel, especially not enough to wake you). Talking to her calmly whilst being understanding that it's a difficult situation for her too might spur her on to look into other ways to deal with it.