To speak to my neighbour's about her disabled child?

This surely?

Id go over and offer to write supporting letters to whoever for grants for a solution/contact council if it would help - his hands must be a mess. What a sad situation for everyone.

Perhaps find somewhere more appropriate to live. A terrace with walls that vibrate and are poorly insulated clearly isn’t.

Yes but what to you expect the mum to do?? Do you not already think if she could stop it she would?!?!?

OP moving just means whoever moves in after will have the same problem.
It sounds like the neighbour needs to not be attached to others.
Its the neighbours responsibility to deal with nuisance behaviour not OPs to have to move out .

Ok, her son must be getting sensory feedback from throwing himself against/hitting the walls and she needs to look into other ways for this need to be met. Has she heard of sensory integration therapy?
In the meantime, could you offer to write a letter of support to her OT team/social work dept/family fund to see if she can get a padded mattress she could put up against the wall to lessen the noise for you (and safer for him)?

My friend had this with her son, he used his head so was provided with a helmet. The noise was very loud.

You can talk to her but like my friend I'm sure she will be aware. It's hellish for all.

I don't agree with this. It's affecting the OP's children. Their quality of sleep is being disturbed which will affect school work etc.

OP I would definitely bring this up with your neighbour. It is a sensitive area but it does need addressing.

What do you suggest the neighbour could do about it? The child sounds rather low functioning. What is your parental experience of caring for a child with complex needs and challenging behaviours?

If it is a rental, I would probably move if I were the OP but I am living the parental hell of it and know that sometimes, for some children, nothing can be done. It's incredibly difficult for all involved. I just don't understand the posts which say OP shouldn't have to put up with it. What do people think can be done???

So OP has to just put up with it forevermore? That's not reasonable nor fair.

So OP should just resign herself to years of sleep disruption and non enjoyment of her home?

In her shoes I’d contact the council and the landlord.

Of course you have to speak to her.
The noise at night is affecting your enjoyment of your home.
Thats the bar when the council consider it as a nuisance so yes, you need to speak to her to give her a chance to sort it out.

If it continues then I’m not sure whether the council would take the matter further but depending on how loud it is and the level of vibrations the matter could be escalated to environmental health at the Council.
I would say if nothing improves then you could talk to the landlord, perhaps a terrace isn’t suitable for the family and the landlord has other, more appropriate, accommodation.

Its a really difficult one given the sons condition but ultimately your childrens welfare is your first priority.

Not sure what you expect her to do? I have 2 disabled children and I wish there was an off button. If you find it hard, imagine how difficult it must be for her. I wouldn't say anything as there is nothing that can be done.

She is probably feeling plenty on edge in her own home already.

I think you should mention it in the sense of it's keeping the children up, is there anything we can do between us to minimise the impact. Can anyone move bedrooms, could she put some furniture against the adjoining wall so it's less accessible (or move the son's bed away from that wall if he's hitting it in bed). Perhaps any wardrobes (yours or hers) could go up against the adjoining wall as a sound barrier as well as a physical impediment (assuming he prefers to hit walls than wardrobes).

It's tricky as sound does carry through and along walls, but if it's actually shaking that does imply he is hitting the adjoining wall.

If there is any moving about of stuff that might help, does she need a hand shifting it?

And as the mother of a child with autism
You must surely be aware of how wide a spectrum it is?
You say you have taught her taught her to be considerate of others thats great
But not all kids with autism have the cognitive ability to understsnd how their behsviour impacts others
I thnk the Op should suggest the neighbour contscts occupationsl therapty and explain the situation they can asses the home for adaptionsto make everyones life a bit easier.

You need to speak to her to sort out a solution. Whether it’s padding on both sides of the wall, moving his bed or rearranging the furniture in both properties to mitigate the sound & vibrations

I remember a neighbour saying ‘tough night?’ one morning after ds had been banging all night (also non verbal). She looked very sympathetic. I apologised but appreciated how she had approached it. No blame, no accusations and no hate.
We soundproofed after that.

That must be unbearable, yes I would speak to her, perhaps she doesn’t realise you can hear it, and it’s waking up your kids. Sounds like the kid next door may benefit from a punchbag in his room. It can’t be easy for his mum either, very sad situation.

Agree with this.

You aren’t obliged to share her misfortune, sad as it is. She needs to find him an outlet that doesn’t disrupt others’ sleep and enjoyment of their home. Or find a detached dwelling.

I take it the boy’s father is not on the scene?

Actually you can’t guarantee that the neighbour is doing everything they can to make sure their child is quiet as possible. I have a disabled sibling and my mum definitely did nothing to ensure they didn’t bother the neighbours. She was totally oblivious and wouldnt have cared about the impact on the neighbours.

I would speak to her. Ask if she could move his bed or even his bedroom?

That is not up to the op to do

How’s this going to help OP’s children to sleep at night?

I am actually surprised so many PPs think OP should just ignore it.

It’s 100% not the child’s fault, but OP’s children also deserve to sleep at night and not be affected all the time.

There must be a middle ground - perhaps she can use foam protection on the walls? You won’t know until you speak with her.

You have my sympathy but I think this is unfortunately one of those situations that doesn't have a solution.

OP should not have to do any of this! The law states that regardless of neighbours’ situations, every household is entitled to ‘quiet enjoyment’ of their home. Yes, it’s true that noise is only considered noise nuisance after 11pm and before 7am, but before these times, reasonable quiet enjoyment is still a legal entitlement and this is being completely removed from OP’s children and the noise is negatively affecting her own children and affecting their schooling.

I have a child with autism myself who can be loud (though not to this extent) but thankfully I’m aware that this doesn’t mean that my DD is allowed to do whatever & make whatever noise she wants. I’ve taught her to be considerate of others and redirected her to other, less loud methods of stimming. Our neighbours always assure me they can’t hear anything from our side. It absolutely does not need to be this way, just because the poor boy has Autism. There can be solutions.