To speak to my neighbour's about her disabled child?

Maybe it depends on the local authority. Ours were brilliant.

Why shoiuld i apologize for having a disabled child ?
He cant control his behavior howwever the area i live in is deprived and there is far more anti social behaviour than a disabled child being disabled.

What do you suggest? Sounds like this kid is at risk of injury.

My son was a wall banger. We ended up putting padding on his walls and then bought a specialist bed that he sleeps in. We had to pay for all of this and it was very expensive - bed cost £9000. It is very difficult to get things like this funded.

Yes in an ideal world but we dont live in an ideal world.

Keep him away from the bedroom wall...in his own bedroom...at night?

My son is like this. We are detached but the banging was disturbing his siblings. The council padded his walls which put a stop to it as he wasn’t getting the same sensation. We also looked at getting a Safespace which would have helped and can sometimes be funded by a grant from the council. Not your responsibility of course but just wanted to say that there are things that should help. You and your children shouldn’t be suffering because of this. Maybe your neighbour isn’t aware of people who can help. I wasn’t and only got help when I felt I couldn’t cope anymore.

But that's not true. A baby crying is noise but it can't be helped, neighbours just have to put up with it even though it's unpleasant and disturbs them. A disabled child falls into the same category.

Oh, I know.

They truly can't win. I really feel for them.

Which is why I personally wouldn't escalate to environmental health. I'd feel like shit watching a disabled child become homeless because of me.

Having been in this situation with a severely disabled child you simply cannot imagine how difficult it is and how limited you are to manage it. I was suicidal as my son didn't sleep and banged on his walls until 4am. I only had neighbours one side but the guy used to bang back and yell. There was nothing I could do. He had activities and punch bags in his room.

I have every sympathy for your own children, but it's an awful situation and and i'm not really sure how it can be resolved if the neighbours child is as severe as mine.

Regardless , your own DC are suffering. I couldn’t do this - my own DC (ASD) has epilepsy and lack of sleep would trigger hell.

it’s more about becoming a collective with the neighbour and trying to reach a resolution

In theory, but if his disability means that he can't help banging the walls then there may not be much his mum can do. Obviously you can't restrain a disabled child because his actions bother the neighbours.

OP, I would speak to her and ask if there's anything she can do (it's possible she doesn't realise the sound is travelling through the walls). But if it's unavoidable I think you need to consider how you can minimise the noise from your side.

Do you think that the op is being unreasonable? Do you think that she and family have to put up and shut up?

Utterly ridiculous. Autism isn't a get out of jail free card.

This absolutely is not OPs responsibility.

She needs to be polite & have an awareness that the behaviour is not deliberate but stopping the disturbance & noise is the priority.

It is up to the neighbour to find a solution. OP does not need to put up with it or provide the solution - she most definitely does not need to provide respite care for someone else's child!!

It doesn't matter where the noise is coming from or who is causing it. The banging is unacceptable and needs to stop.

It's not your job to stop it with sound proofing etc it's down to the neighbours who whilst understandably have difficulties with a child who can't moderate their behaviour, need to find a way to prevent the child from being a nuisance. How they do it is on them.

All I am saying is that it doesn't work like that. Severely disabled children do not have an off button. Nobody can change that. Not the carers either.

I have severely disabled children (they don't make noise, we have different issue) but I have a very good understanding how difficult things can be and some behaviours sadly cannot be changed. It's nothing to do with lack of respect. Sounds like the family needs a detached property but it doesn't work like that in the real work. Disability is a fact of life 🤷

I would move because I know there is next to no chance that the situation will improve. It's just a heavy portion of realism after caring for children with SN for almost 2 decades.

And if by some miracle HAs started housing these people in detached properties then a lot of these MNers would be furious 😅

It’s not relevant when it’s escalated to environmental health
A nuisance is a nuisance
Thats it

They will not tell OP she has to suck it up just because there is a disabled person causing it

That is not how it works.

The neighbour and her landlord will have to find a solution.

Additional costs of moving or renting another property is not OPs problem and nor is it Environmental healths

As this DC gets older he will get even stronger. I'd speak to your neighbour and tell her you have put up with a lot of noise. It doesn't bother you so much during the day time but during the night your DC are being woken up by the constant banging. You know her DC is autistic but she needs to look into getting a mattress to go up against her wall to muffle the sound. I'd tell her if it didn't stop during the night you would be contacting the council as bout it. She may be able to swap bedrooms with the DC. She could possibly manage better in an end of terrace where her DS was put in the bedroom not next to another house. That is the likely cause of action to solve the issue.

Have you addressed this with the neighbours, apologized, looked for soundproofing solutions?

How would covering the walls with mattresses help the boy with his needs? Presumably, if punching a mattress satisfied his stimming needs, he would already be punching the mattress on his bed?

It sounds like it's the feeling of banging a very hard surface and/or the noise it makes that works for his needs, so surely by thickly padding the walls, although it would deaden the noise a lot next door, it would likely thwart and frustrate him, wouldn’t it?

I'd also be a bit concerned about the integrity of the walls, if the house is shaking. Yes, brick is very strong, but I can't imagine being pounded for hours every day over potentially years is good for it long-term.

None of that is the OP’s problem.

The issue is the noise and disruption. The identity of the occupants creating the noise is irrelevant.

The noise is due to his disability. Of course it's relevant.

A detached property will cost more money, money someone who is probably not able to work and caring for disabled child is unlikely to have. Especially if she is also a single parent.