To speak to my neighbour's about her disabled child?

A solution isn't going to magically happen overnight. I think it needs to be realistic, it costs money and it can be difficult to fund in some areas if she's unable to afford any changes herself. If it's rented, her landlord may also not be keen to make any changes which is also out of her control.

It's comparable to a crying baby because it can't be helped and usually, some understanding is given because it isn't intentional and it is often a difficult situation. Unfortunately, this parent never got to experience their child outgrowing it.

you recon the mum isn't aware and needs help to understand what is happening? Jesus.

I would speak with her and perhaps ask her to call round when it's happening so she can understand the issue.

@RootsBeforeTheFruits im sorry. I can see how hard it can be for you to live like that.
As other posters said, it’s likely that the mum can’t do much about it. And is dreading the day you’re going to see her to complain.

Neither of you are in an easy situation and I’m not sure Theres a solution 😢

🫂🫂🫂 all around

Possible injury to the child as well.
Look into moving even though you don’t want to. You’ll find somewhere else. Your landlord will find it difficult to rent the house with the noise problems.

😂😂😂
You truly believe that the mother who lives in the house is unaware of the banging that wakes the NDN up?!?

I mean I’m all for looking for reasons as to why this happens but this is so far from anything possible, that it’s not even clutching at straw anymore.

Noise complaints can help fast track getting what they need.

I've been in this situation as well although he was 16 so bigger and stronger. The banging and slamming was horrendous. Environmental health will not touch it if it's kids noise or from someone disabled. Retro fitting sound proofing does not help impact noises unless you build a room within a room, big money and big upheaval, it's not practical. Unfortunately I had to move. It nearly broke me.

You must speak to her. It sounds an awful situation for everyone involved and you can engage with her with sympathy and understanding.

Who knows her situation, but if she is relying on funding for accommodation It may even help her to upgrade to a more suitable home, where she doesn't need to worry about disturbing the neighbours.

This is really hard and some posters have a very naive view if they think there is lots help out there for this boy and his mum.

It is almost impossible to get a disability social worker even for complex needs children. Same re OT assessments and adjustments to property to help ie soundproofing and making rooms safe. There just isn't the funding or availability.

That being said I would try and talk compassionately to mum, say that you know she is trying her best and it can't be helped but it may be that you could help with a referral for support by documenting the impact on your family. Would your children's school do a letter that could be sent to relevant teams re impact?

Your best bet is to support so that they can perhaps get adjustments made to the home but it won't be a quick process.

For context I have children with additional needs, my youngest when very distressed will head banging, fortunately it's not too often and at 9 years old I can just about hold him and stop it, get a pillow in-between his head and the wall etc. I also work in a complex needs school with ie, adult man teenage boys and believe me even with trained staff it's impossible at times. At school we have equipment, padded qalls, lots of sensory supports to meet needs but patents at home often do not. We have students who are 2 or even 3 to one when distressed and yet at home their oatents, even single parents are just expected to get on with it, no support.

In my county as well as disability social workers, OT we have teams called Starfish and Starfish plus which can offer support to families they will go into home and school to observe and see what can be suggested for behaviours like these. But waiting lists are long, there is very strict criteria for referral wtc.

Honestly this mum is probably exhausted herself and trying her best to keep her child safe, so be compassionate.

I thin you should definitely say something to her and encourage her to contact the council and so they can adapt the property. It is true that the mother may not be able to control what is happening, however, health and social care have a legal to make reasonable adjustment/adaptation and possibly find more suitable accommodation

The health impact is the same though, if the noise is intentional or not. Sleep deprivation isn't something to be taken lightly, especially when it comes to children that are still developing. How long is OP reasonably meant to wait for a solution to be put in place? What if the solution isn't good enough? I wouldn't take the chance. She is effectively sacrificing her own children and family's health and it is unfair to ask her to do this.

A baby crying is not comparable to a disabled child banging their head against a wall for hours on end each night. A baby will quite quickly grow out of crying for long periods at night. My babies were terrible sleepers for a long time but they didn't scream and cry enough to cause our neighbours major issues.

It’s not for the OP to sort out soundproofing solutions, plus she has already said it ‘s a rented house.

A helmet might protect from head injury. One of my kids wore one.

I'd hope to reach some kind of compromise and be prepared that things may take time due to cost and accept that not everything may be possible due to cost.

I wouldn't be rushing to make a disabled child homeless. He has to live somewhere.

Of course sleep is important but I also think it's important to acknowledge the difference between actual nuisance behavior and noise that isn't intentional such as babies crying and a child with special needs who has limited to no understanding.

a disabled child is a 'misfortune' now? nice one.

That's lovely that your daughter understands you and can be redirected. Many high needs autistic people can't be so easily redirected. They have limited understanding for the world outside of their head, and have a monotropic view in regards to behaviours and interests. You simply can't make them understand others need for calm and quiet because it's beyond their capacity.

I don't actually know what the OP can do, but I also have a high needs autistic child and he can't be stopped once he starts stimming. He barely sleeps. He won't be redirected, it causes further distress which is louder and can go on for hours.

We live with family who own their property though and our neighbours are profoundly deaf. I'm not in OPs situation at all.

If I were OP and in rented accommodation I would just move.

Simplistic lol - Selfish applies to you though. HTH

As someone said earlier - as sad as this is, the OP should not be forced to share her misfortune.

OP must advocate for her own children. Sleep is extremely important for a child's health and development. It's not just a little bit inconvenient or something that she can easily make allowances for. It's is having a tangible impact on their life as a family.

I've been where you've been OP. My whole house used to rock from early in the morning with all the stamping around. As unfortunate as it was for the boy and his family, it is a nightmare to live next to, and I did feel a bit helpless as what can you really say? It's easy to be a stranger on the internet saying "Of course you need to say something", but it's a lot bloody harder to do that IRL, especially if the parents already seem at the end of their tether. I was lucky in the end that they moved out after a few months.

I also used to live in a flat below 2 poor kids whose mother was a total wreck. They used to throw balls in the flat at 6am on the weekends, right above my bedroom. Their mum was an aggressive alcoholic and not one for talking. I complained loads to the landlord, who was trying to evict her but it was almost impossible to do due to her circumstances.

I wish I had one. Short of putting a child in a cage which is obviously totally wrong or forcing a helmet on them there's nothing. Which was my point. I've been there.

My understanding is a bit more nuanced than your very simplistic thinking. I have also a answered this question up thread. HTH.

"Then perhaps the child should be housed in a detached property so the wall banging does not impact neighbours."

Which fantasy world do you live in.