To speak to my neighbour's about her disabled child?

I'd class putting in measures to help mitigate the severe sleep deprivation being inflicted on a neighbour as an essential.

I'd hope not. It wouldn't completely surprise me these days though.

How do you keep someone who is disabled from hitting walls unless you restrain them constantly? Just wondering what tricks there might be that you are aware of. You sound like you have a lot of knowledge in this area.

That's assuming that DLA isn't already used for something else or that she is able to get a lone as a single parent with no income other than benefits.

There are hygiene issues with trying to get the carpet clean but there are health issues with sleep deprivation from such noise, especially if the slept deprivation is that bad that people are being consistently sleep deprived on a long term basis.

"I'd be taking out a loan to get soundproofing done and the DLA can take care of the monthly payments. Or using the DLA to rent a detached house."

You are assuming the DLA isn't already paying for essentials.

I think that's unfair, there are major hygiene issues with trying to get the carpet clean enough, and if it's a frequent enough event - as in multiple times a day - the time taken up cleaning is possibly going to impact on your ability to care for your child properly.

It was bad enough when we had a problem with an elderly cat that led to us pretty much having to shampoo the living room and hall carpets weekly and we seriously considered at least replacing the hall carpet with lino. If that had been DS and his bedroom carpet where he probably would have been playing on the floor, maybe lying on it, no I would not have left the carpet down. That's just disgusting.

What kindness would you suggest though? The OP isn't talking about going in all guns blazing. She just wants a safe, secure environment for her children to live in where they can have their basic needs of sleep met. To be able to stay awake to participate fully in their education. I'm not saying I have all the answers in this situation but kindness isn't really going to solve the problem of the OPs children being sleep deprived to the point its affecting their education.

the child is unlikely to made homeless due to their needs.

Record it for two weeks and then report her for antisocial behaviour

I have every sympathy for the OP, but there’s not a chance in hell the LA would evict a disabled child’s family over a noise complaint. I have an autistic boy who went through a wall/floor banging phase, and the mats, helmets and pads we put in place to prevent him injuring himself just caused him to look elsewhere for the sensory stimulus he wanted. Luckily we are detached, but it would have been unbearable for the neighbours if not.

A little kindness goes a long way in these situations.

Yes I know how much it is; I'm in receipt of it. It wouldn't pay for it all immediately however if my child was causing such distress and disturbance to neighbours then I'd be taking out a loan to get soundproofing done and the DLA can take care of the monthly payments. Or using the DLA to rent a detached house.

Do you know how much DLA is? It definitely isn't enough to afford soundproofing, especially when it will be likely swallowed up with other costs relating to his disability.

Are they failing at school due to lack of sleep?

Of course OP's children are important too but attempting to make another child homeless would be my very last resort. I'd see what I could do myself in an attempt to improve the quality of my children's sleep such as swap bedrooms as a starting point.

Thar must be really hard and exhausting for you to deal with but the changing from carpet to wooden flooring is prioritising your needs to not have to clean all the time over the neighbours needs of sleep and right to quiet enjoyment of their home, when they aren't the ones causing the issues. I would be insisting on some form of soundproofing if I were your neighbour.

I'd speak to her with empathy as it must be tough for her. However she does need to work towards minimising the disturbance as much as possible. I'm assuming she'll get DLA for him, this is what this is for, putting things in place to minimise the impact of disabilities. Soundproofing, perhaps a punch bag for him to hit instead etc.

Which is why I personally wouldn't escalate to environmental health. I'd feel like shit watching a disabled child become homeless because of me.

@SouthLondonMum22 I bet you'd feel equally shit if your children were failing at school due to lack of sleep? I know its a really emotive issue, but the OP's children are important too

I can understand if OP went in that direction but then I'd also expect the neighbour to fight for the rights of her child too and he has to live somewhere.

Social care can fund adaptations and she may well have asked for wall padding, sound prodding or a safe space (a room within a room) and been refused as council budgets have been decimated. I’ve known families wait years for similar help and not because they don’t know it’s a problem but because they are ignored. I would speak to her and ask if she has asked social care and say you would be willing to put in a letter of support if she wanted to push for adaptations. In some ways a complaint may make it more likely they get the help but it would be better for neighbourly relationships if you could do it in a supportive way.

My daughter is 4 and has additional needs. She jumps on her bed untill she crashes. I worry so much about our poor neighbours but trust me if I could stop her doing it I would, she won’t sleep until she’s worn out I have literally tried everything. It’s worse no me she has wooden flooring, but we had to change from carpet because she kept defecating on it, you win one battle and another begins. You could speak to her about it but she will probably get very upset it’s overwhelming to deal with xx

I'm not saying a solution will happen overnight but if I was OP I would be doing absolutely all I could do to stop this from happening. Obviously OP moving would be the most obvious solution but if this isn't possible then I definitely would be involving Environmental Health and any other authorities that I could including the landlord. OP and her children have the right to enjoy their home without such disruptive noise that is adversely impacting all of their sleep.

The tolerance around babies crying is because people know that it will be relatively short lived. Neighbours would respond similarly negatively to a baby crying if it went on for the length of time that this head banging is likely to persist. Compassion and understanding only stretch so far when this starts to impact your family's fundamental needs. Sleep is essential and not a nice to have.

You have my sympathy OP. I have a disabled sister who used to bang on walls in the night and we lived in a terraced property too.

Fortunately for the neighbours (not my sister though!), she wasn't able to walk, so simply moving her bed against an internal wall, instead of the neighbour's wall, resolved the situation! I think my parents added some padding to the wall where she could reach, and put the wardrobe on the adjoining wall so the clothes absorbed some of the sound also. I don't believe the neighbours ever complained.

On the plus side, I can sleep through absolutely anything thanks to the training given to me by my sister, because the internal wall she used to bang on was my bedroom wall also!

In your case, presumably the child is mobile, so moving beds wouldn't help. They could, potentially rearrange furniture so that he doesn't have as much access to the wall?

I would say speak to them though and say "I know there's no easy solution to this and I hate to bring it up, but I wanted you to know that your son's banging on the wall can be heard in our house and can be very disruptive to my DC when it happens in the night, as his bedroom is on the other side of the wall. I don't know if there's an easy solution to it, but wanted to mention it, just in case there is something you can think of."

Speak to her. Offer kindness but also support to try and find a solution.

Your noise “complaint” (kindly delivered) might well give her additional ammunition to get extra support for her son.

You have to advocate for your children too, and it’s important they know you recognise a problem and raise it.

Even if solving the problem is going to be very difficult it’s your duty as a parent not to shy away from it.

We have 3 with additional needs, all of them stim in some way 1 is a wall kicker. I would absolutely want to be told but with understanding and kindness

She may not realise the sound carries
She maybe able to invest in some aids Or re arrange rooms ect

That poor woman.
She knows her son is doing this, but I bet there is nothing she can do to stop it.
A catch 22 situation...
Maybe ask her if there is anything you can do to help him stop banging. As she can't just drug her child.