To speak to my neighbour's about her disabled child?

They absolutely can!

If there is nothing the neighbour is willing to do to mitigate the noise then yes they could be evicted.

The council would have a duty to house them elsewhere eg b&b etc until a suitable property could be found but that level of noise disturbance can't be ignored

What kind of blocks in front of the wall? Heavy furniture even anchored can be moved by a strong teenage boy. It may even be that this is more dangerous. Some of the teens I work with cannot have any furniture in their bedrooms for their own safety. Padding can work to a degree but is expensive and if it is a sensory seeking behaviour he may well just find another had surface to bang.

These situations are often very complex and most families have little or no support and certainly don't have the money for expensive adaptations. Most people really do try everything.

Soundproofing is expensive and it would take an age to get funding for it, that's if funding was even agreed in the first place.

Okay, so we can all agree that the OP’s children should be able to sleep soundly and not be tired at school. No argument here. 👍🏻

Has it changed the situation next door yet? 🙄

Yes this i have been told many times speak to your MP, your local councillor etc.. I have done ALL that and more. There is no help, the money isn't there. Even if the people you speak to in the system are lovely and helpful (not always) they generally have zero power to do anything.

My friend got a grant for a specialist toilet for her child after recommendation via OT it took years to get the grant and get it put in. And even right at the last minute the county council were trying to not do it, or suggested fitting it upstairs where the child couldn't access it! Just because that would be cheaper than installing it downstairs, where it was needed. Their child had been using a camping toilet in a utility cupboard for YEARS before getting the needed adaptations.

Yes, that's what people suggested we do when DS is having a meltdown. Get him to punch his pillow instead of us. He won't, he absolutely won't do it and trying to redirect him in that way just makes him even more wound up.

Redirection is not always possible. A punchbag or trampoline is not the same as hitting a wall, maybe it just doesn't fulfil whatever the neighbour's son is looking for in the way he wants it. Hopefully not, hopefully this is possible, but I suspect there's a high chance this has been suggested and hasn't worked.

(I admit I am assuming the mother has tried to prevent this on the grounds his behaviour must disturb her sleep. At the worst points with DS, before the melatonin, I'd have tried anything that wasn't actually harmful and wouldn't bankrupt us, and the latter I may not have stuck to.)

Put blocks in front of the walls? It's not hard. Heavy, anchored furniture. Plus soundproofing. The solution here isn't to just accept and tolerate this.

There seems to be a desire to demonize the poor woman next door on this thread.

Yes I’ve noticed this is always the case! People are always so so eager to blame the carers as being inadequate or lazy or selfish. They would be doing such a better job if they were in the same situation! Of course they have no experience but they just know they would never allow such a thing to happen.

It is the posters with an actual understanding of SEN and disabilities that actually offer the best practical advice.

Well thats my point. That poster clearly knows of some witchcraft that can help the situation. 😂

But to what end?

The only possible solution is adaptations and noise insulation. The local MP of any stripe is not going to be rushing gallantly to evict a vulnerable family, and I suspect you have a rather optimistic view of SS’s appetite or bandwidth to intervene when all the children in the scenario are “safe”. As I said, the LA may be willing to provide some support, but it won’t be easily given ime.

There seems to be a desire to demonize the poor woman next door on this thread. It’s a really unfortunate situation for the OP, but there is no obvious fault here by anyone. Sadly, some children - including my DS - will involuntarily do things that are highly disruptive to others. Restraint tends to exacerbate the problem, so the only option is to mitigate the impact on others.

Might have seen your posts!

DBAD

As predicted the dicks with very little understanding of SEN have arrived.

Here are some practical suggestions rather than judgement and unhelpful suggestions of getting expensive loans that you probably can't afford to do for something that legally should be covered by the LA. OP I would have a chat with your neighbour and suggest looking at the below and speaking to the LA. You won't get anything on AIBU other than arguing whether it is reasonable or not for a disabled child to make sounds that they can't help but make, which is no use to you. I don't know why MNHQ leave these threads here, it would have been better off posting on the SN Children board as people there can make suggestions. Hopefully this might point your neighbour in the right direction. LAs will always say no to help with this stuff as par for the course. You have to pester them.

https://www.gov.uk/disabled-facilities-grants

www.wellchild.org.uk/get-support/information-hub/grants-for-families/

Might be able to use this to create more soothing environment, help stop distress/banging.

https://www.familyfund.org.uk/grants/what-can-i-use-the-grant-for/

I bet it never occured to her! You're a genius.

I have done ALL this and more, it makes zero difference. Involved my MP, schools, services, put in formal complaints going via LGO etc. It's bloody exhausting battling like this as well as working, looking after other children with additional needs and supporting my child with the complex needs.

The OP can absolutely push herself for support for her neighbour but nothing will be done quickly if at all.

It's not "huffing and puffing", it's recognising that they have a right to sleep and an education. It's also not about "kindness", the OP isn't being unkind by being bothered about this and wanting a resolution. That was my point. "Kindness" has nothing to do with it. It's an issue which needs a resolution and the OP didn't say anything or imply that she was going to do anything which was unkind.

This.

It's not impossible with your input that it might help her get some form of help with this - in my experience, the more evidence given from as many different places as possible can be helpful. In our case it was a neighbour calling the police when DS was having a meltdown, it felt like such a low point but it added to the evidence that DS needed more support.

Many people have suggested moving bedrooms - what is the layout of the houses? Obviously on the neighbours side if she is able to swap bedrooms that just shifts the problem to a different neighbour so isn't a solution. But I'm not clear on if these are double fronted or single fronted houses? If single fronted there may not be much either OP or the neighbour can do.

Soundproofing/padding is an option, but if the neighbour can't afford it she can't afford it so if it can't be provided by a charity or social services that's that really (does crowdfunding really work for stuff like this if you don't have a large network of family, friends and acquaintances that will chip in?). We couldn't afford potentially thousands on soundproofing, and a loan wouldn't help as we wouldn't be eligible as we have no spare income to pay it back.

I agree you couldn't leave carpet down. If it a bedroom I wonder about some kind of rubber flooring that you can clean easily but would deaden sound, like you get for gyms, workout. But that is expensive and I doubt thet would get help with the cost.

Honestly most of us with children with heeds do try everything to minimise impact on others, it's exhausting. Do people realise how hard it is to get funding and social care support.

My 9 yr old has been in system since he was toddler, we are in process of arranging brain scans, lumbar puncture, genetic testing already diagnosed ASD, PDA, hugely complex sensory needs, but it's taken YEARS to get there. If one more person says do you get respite... I am going to tribunal re ehcp. Have numerous complaints in as he has not been getting any kind of education for over a year and was part time before that.

We currently have learning disability team, play therapists, Neurology involved and yet he doesn't even have a named paediatrician. We are not entitled to any social care support. The hilarious suggestion of looking at "early help" every time a new professional gets involved.. like we havent tried that.

I am actually very lucky learning disability team have agreed to take him on as technically he doesn't have a learning disability or diagnosis of one. He is actually very cognitively able in many ways, but has a very spiky profile. Actually what happens is people assume because he is verbal it's 'just behaviour" and we need to teach him.. oddly enough you can teach away tics/tourettes or absence seizures.

Dla depending where you live your other responsibilities etc is not enough to move or rent somewhere and the family have already moved recently. Many families have no choice re where they can live. Not everyone can get a loan out and nor should they have to. I am currently paying back credit card for private medical app that helped us then get referred back in to the NHS for the tests we need.

The systems are broken. This situation is clearly not fair on the OP and her children but there is no quick fix or easy solution.

But that doesn't mean she shouldn't do everything in her power.

Including involving the LA, SS and MPs.

There isn’t really a solution though, that’s the point. The disabled child can’t help it, I’d bet my house that his poor mother is only too aware of the problem and would have fixed it already if she could. His needs are not going to magically disappear whether the OP stamps her foot or asks nicely. 🤷🏻‍♀️

There is a tiny chance that the OP’s predicament will help convince the LA to fund some adaptations, although don’t hold your breath for it happening any time soon even if there is funding (which there probably won’t be). This definitely won’t happen if OP antagonizes her neighbour. As I said, nobody is going to evict this family in a million years.

Huffing and puffing about the OP’s children’s rights to an education is all well and good, but it doesn’t move the dial on the actual problem.

Yanbu, I have dc who have Autism myself and whilst his mother may not be able to stop this behaviour she can redirect him and use something like a punchbag or even a trampoline to get the same feedback.

Yes, it's not a nice situation for her. I've been there myself repeatedly but that doesn't give her the right to let this behaviour impact everyone to this extent. Whether he has Autism or not she still needs to parent.

"I'd class putting in measures to help mitigate the severe sleep deprivation being inflicted on a neighbour as an essential."

Above buying a child's incontinence pads (for example).

"How do you keep someone who is disabled from hitting walls unless you restrain them constantly?"

And Social Care won't be happy if you started doing that.

Above eating. OK then.....