I’m just trying to figure out what conclusions I should be drawing here.
So, my long-term partner works full-time and pays for pretty much everything — the mortgage, bills, car insurance, etc.
I stayed home with the kids for about three years, then started picking up weekend shifts, sometimes every other weekend, once the youngest got a bit older. Childcare was just way too expensive, and with the gap in my career, the jobs I could get wouldn’t even cover the cost.
Anyway, now I’m working again — usually 3 to 4 days a week. One of those days I dedicate to studying because I’ve started a pretty demanding online course with a lot of deadlines and focus needed. I also keep one day a week for my preschooler. So yeah, my time fills up very quickly.
Everything I do is within school hours because my youngest doesn’t have access to any wraparound care, and ideally, we’d only need that occasionally for now.
Lately, my partner’s been dropping hints about me working more — full-time, or at least consistently four days a week. I’m open to working three full days a week for now, and then more once the little one is fully settled into school. We had a talk about it — about me doing longer days — and I said that would mean we’d need to share the cost of wraparound care and that he’d also need to help with pickups sometimes if I’m working late or can’t get there in time.
His response? He said he can’t commit to that and won’t help with childcare costs either because he already pays for everything. But at the same time, he wants me to contribute more financially to the household.
Right now, I cover all my personal expenses, the kids’ activities, and I’m also paying off a student loan and a credit card — all on a pretty small income. We keep our finances separate.
So I honestly don’t see how I’m supposed to contribute more when 70% of what I earn would go straight to childcare, and I’d still be doing all the pickups and drop-offs like a single parent. His job could allow some flexibility, but he’s not even willing to ask for it — he just assumes his work is more important than mine. I get that he earns a lot more, but after years at home with the kids, I want to rebuild my career. That’s why I started studying and working again. But I don’t feel like I’m getting any real support from him to make that happen.
People say it’s not all bad because he’s financially supportive — and yeah, I get that — but emotionally, he’s just not there. He’s very comfortable knowing the kids will always be looked after, no matter what. He is an involved dad, but we’re not working as a team, not in the way we should.
It just seems like the idea of me working regular hours and needing him to step up really doesn’t sit well with him.
And sure, maybe I’ve gotten used to the security of him covering the big expenses — but I’ve got my own goals. I want to be able to contribute more, and I know I could, but I don’t feel like I’m being enabled to do that right now.