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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I know IABU but I cant seem to let this go

57 replies

PyongyangKipperbang · 16/04/2025 22:02

DD is almost 14 and perfectly sensible. She can be completely self caring, she is hard working blah blah.

But during the holidays and after school for a couple of hours term time, she lets herself in and is by herself. Since her brother left for Uni last year I have put a rule in place that she cant eat cherry tomatoes, grapes or anything like that unless I am home because of the choking risk.

I KNOW that this is ridiculous but luckily DD thinks I am mad but indulges me.

I suspect it is from my attending the funeral of an old friend who was otherwise healthy, who passed away from choking at around the same time DS left. His wife was with him and called 999 after she couldnt help him and he still died. She would be on her own so she would have no help at all.

I know it is high level paranoia but I cant seem to let it go, probably because there is a voice saying "but what if you let her and then she chokes.....".

Mad I know.

OP posts:
LillyPJ · 16/04/2025 22:18

I think your instructions could be counter productive. She probably had no intention of eating cherry tomatoes or grapes etc but you've planted the idea in her mind now. At her age, I'd have disobeyed out of curiosity or rebellion! You know YABU so why not make an effort to stop?

Original poster
PyongyangKipperbang · 16/04/2025 22:17

NeedSomeComfy · 16/04/2025 22:06

You are being unreasonable but you are reasonable to recognise it! To be fair, the story of the family friend choking does seem very traumatic, so your paranoia is understandable.
If she pushes back sometime you will have to figure out a way to deal with the fear though. How do you feel about your DS being away at uni and (presumably) eating cherry tomatoes any time he wants?

He is built like a rugby player, she is tiny!

OP posts:
mumofoneAlonebutokay · 16/04/2025 22:17

Yeah, very gently, yabu

You don't sound horrible though- I'd just make her promise to take care of herself and I'd let her know just how dear she is to me xx

Tiswa · 16/04/2025 22:13

What did your friend choke on

Sofiewoo · 16/04/2025 22:07

You can choke on almost any food.
A man died in a restaurant recently choking on a piece of chicken.

NeedSomeComfy · 16/04/2025 22:06

You are being unreasonable but you are reasonable to recognise it! To be fair, the story of the family friend choking does seem very traumatic, so your paranoia is understandable.
If she pushes back sometime you will have to figure out a way to deal with the fear though. How do you feel about your DS being away at uni and (presumably) eating cherry tomatoes any time he wants?

MyUmberSeal · 16/04/2025 22:05

Its sweet that she indulges you, but yeah, of course you are being unreasonable. Your daughter could be swigging packets of smarties and skittles back at school and you’d be none the wiser.