I know IABU but I cant seem to let this go

Just get her to cut them if she wants to eat them?

Op, I get it. The Heimlich manoevre is taught widely but I don't think its as widely taught that you can do it on yourself. I used to work in the NHS so I got taught it as part of the training, lucky for me as I needed it. In my case it was a bite of sandwich. Honestly if your DD is okay with it then I wouldn't be too worried, it sounds like the two of you have a good relationship. I haven't voted.....I mean it is unreasonable but if your DD is ok with it, its perhaps better than piling stress on you. I would say one thing though shich is that this ever starts to spread....ie you add more thing she can't eat or more things she can't do, then please do get some help.

I think that’s rather lovely, what a kind family you must be

I grew up in the 60s and the only heating in our house was an open coal fire. Also, my mum smoked so there was plenty of risk of a house fire! No smoke alarms either. But we never had a fire drill and not did any of my friends to my knowledge. Maybe public awareness or government warnings came in later?

I read about a kid (not too young though, I believe 7 or older) that died from chocking on a piece of sausage in a restaurant and the staff didn’t know what to do.

Get a life vac?

No, everyone doesn't. It never even occurred to me, though perhaps it should have. However, there is danger everywhere if you look hard enough and you have to balance taking sensible precautions with having a life.

Respectfully, OP, you need to find a way to deal with this.

I saw someone die after choking on a piece of steak — in Dubai, no proper street addresses, illogical road layouts, so not unusual then to see the emergency services dashing about trying to find someone. A friend of a friend died tripping down the stairs on her dressing gown cord. Broken neck. When I was about five, the next door neighbour’s baby died of SIDS, and I remember to this day her running in with the baby and screaming for my mother, though I didn’t know what had happened. A friend’s healthy 13 year old’s heart stopped during a PE lesson, and he only survived because they had a defibrillator in the actual hall, the teacher had just been trained to use it, and they lived close to a paediatric cardiac unit.

All these things are horrible, and terrifying, but you need to find a way of dealing with the thoughts, and to put it on your child.

I feel the same about those 2 foods, as my DC have got older I’ve always told them to bite them and never put them in whole.
The reality is they can choke on anything. My DH had a 1/8 of a large tomato caught in his throat the other day, but luckily managed to pull it back out.

You are being controlling people can dress it up the way they want its still controlling are you this obsessive of other things to her?

I totally understand this. I almost lost my ds as a small toddler from choking, I’m talking not breathing, purple and floppy. The scariest day of my life. He’s a teen now and I tell him not to eat certain things while I’m out. I used to say he couldn’t eat at all while I nipped out which is crazy, I know, but it totally traumatised me. He indulges me too (about avoiding certain things). I know it’s irrational but I am terrified of choking or having to see any of my children (or anyone) like that again.

I don’t have any advice how to move past the fear just wanted to say I totally get it.

You are passing on your fears to her, which is terrible.

I bet you’re still eating grapes and cherry tomatoes when no one is around.

What is the relevance? Are wannabe rugby players less able to choke?

Would it help if you research the Himleich manoeuvre that you can do if you are alone when you choke . It involves bending over a chair. Get her to demonstrate it for you ?

Surely at 14 you can explain to her to chew these foods before swallowing?

Can a 13 year old choke on those? (Genuine question)

I worry about grapes and things too OP.

I really feel for you. I’ve had GAD in the past and I had exactly the same feelings about my children, I know exactly how terrifying it is. I’m very sorry about your friend.

But you CANNOT put your neurosis onto your dd, it is really unfair and will mess her up too. You need to see your GP and get this sorted. People die in all kinds of ways. If you don’t tackle this it will grow and you’ll end up fretting about her falling down the stairs, or drowning in the bath or a fire starting. It’s no way to live for either of you.

What if she agreed to cut them in half? Could that be a compromise? She sounds like she understands your fear, could you trust her to actually cut them?

Well done! Chickens banned now!

@PyongyangKipperbang no joking aside maybe some therapy might help to try and rationalise your thoughts and fears