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AIBU?

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Original poster

To wonder if she can keep the whole inheritance?

62 replies

feelingrobbed · 16/04/2025 21:44

TLDR - my father has rejected his inheritance, will it now come to me and if so how do I make sure I get it?

I’ll start off by saying nothing about my family is normal.

Background- My parents split when I was two. From then until now (38) I’ve seen my dad less than 15 times. I have one DB who was a baby when they split.
My dad went on to have 3 more children.

We do text - quite regularly considering he lives an hour from me and I’ve never stepped foot in his home. He’s never attempted to improve our relationship but sends me regular messages wishing me well and sending me prayers. I don’t know why I reply but we’re always cordial with one another.

My paternal grandmother has always been accessible. But we were never close. I’ve been to her house many times but realised at her funeral I’d never tasted her food! Never slept in her home or spent more than a couple days hours with her. (Not really her fault to be fair)

I invited her and her daughter (my dad’s half sister) to my wedding. I was forbidden by my DM to invite my dad which was fair enough all though at the time I felt a great sense of shame he wouldn’t be there and couldn’t understand why she and my maternal family were so forceful about it.

I received a message on Facebook from my cousin (aunts daughter) saying grandma was sick. I visited and that was the end of comms.
Fast forward to last year grandma died. Despite as I say reasonably regular texts from my dad he never mentioned it. My aunt calls out of the blue and says she died weeks before.
I went to the funeral alone. A mandate had gone out that everyone should wear white but no one told me. I was hurt but I got on with it. My dad was not at the funeral nor were any of his other children.
After funeral aunt and I spoke a few times but nothing came of it.

She calls me yesterday (she did mention once last year I might get some cash when estate was resolved but I thought it was nonsense tbh. Other than telling my brother I forgot about it) she called me FIVE TIMES. Texts me saying urgent call me. I call her. She tells me dad has rejected his share of the money and so it will flow down to his children. We end up video calling - None of them have met my child- and she introduced herself and invited us to meet her in today.

I won’t lie, I was deliriously happy to hear about this money. I am a SAHM and need to get back on my feet due to marital issues however she doesn’t know about this.

I text her a few hours later and say nice talking to you please send me the location to meet you tomorrow. No reply then an hour later I see a missed call - I called her back within 5 mins. No answer or reply.

This morning my kid wakes up excited let’s go and meet this new aunt so despite my reluctance I text again. No fucking reply

I am first of all fuming I let her disappoint my child. I have purposefully not even mentioned them to my DD before this. She knows I have a dad but she thinks he lives far away. He doesn’t. She knows my grandmother died but I hadn’t mentioned this aunt. DD is reception age.

Putting aside my ego - what happens now? I’m presuming she won’t contact me again or will leave it another 5 years. She has major issues with my dad and she is absolutely right to - however she and I have never really had anything at all to do with one another. I’ve met her less than 5 times since I was two and that includes my wedding and grandmas funeral.

She said I needed to send the solicitor my ID and bank details. She has received her share already and said it would happen within 7 days. My dad refuses to discuss his mother it’s senseless contacting him about this. Even as a child on the rare occasions I spoke to him he told me not to visit her. As I say, they are strange people.

Help. Do I need to forget about this or is there a possibility this isnt all a joke and she can just keep it all her self?

OP posts:
Widowerwouldyou · 17/04/2025 08:26

I really feel for you because I think that either the aunt is playing a cruel game, or that she has realised her error and ghosting you. As others have said, him rejecting the inheritance -if he has????- would not then mean you get it, unless the will stipulates that.

2fallsagain · 17/04/2025 08:22

I think you are going to have to talk to your dad about this. I can't see any other way of getting the inheritance I'm afraid unless you can contact your aunt and/ir find the solicitor. But it sounds like none of that will happen unless you talk to your dad.

Dumbdog · 17/04/2025 08:22

2fallsagain · 17/04/2025 07:26

Although this completely contradicts another AI summary:

If a beneficiary rejects their inheritance (also called disclaiming it), the rejected inheritance typically returns to the deceased's estate and is then redistributed among the remaining beneficiaries. If there are no other beneficiaries, it will be distributed according to the intestacy rules (if there's no will) or as specified in the will.

Elaboration:

  • Disclaiming an inheritance:
  • This means a beneficiary formally refuses to accept the gift they're being left in a will or under intestacy rules.
  • Returning to the estate:
  • Once disclaimed, the inheritance reverts back to the estate and is no longer part of the disclaiming beneficiary's property.
  • Redistribution:
  • The estate then distributes the disclaimed inheritance according to the will or, if there's no will, according to the rules of intestacy.
  • No control over redistribution:
  • The disclaiming beneficiary has no say in who ultimately receives the disclaimed inheritance.
  • Deed of Variation:
  • Another option is to use a Deed of Variation to redirect the inheritance to another beneficiary, but this requires all affected beneficiaries to sign and must be done within two years of the deceased's death.

AI is unreliable. Even the ‘big players’ get 60% of questions wrong.

Original poster
feelingrobbed · 17/04/2025 08:08

Viviennemary · 17/04/2025 07:07

I've checked this. If an inheritance is rejected the money goes back into the pot and is shared by the other beneficiaries. However, the person inheriting can complete a deed of variation saying their share is to be distributed amongst x y and z. This must be done and executed within two years of the death.

Thank you. I suppose my only option is to hope my dad will see reason and do this

OP posts:
Jackrussellsaremad · 17/04/2025 07:35

The confusion here seems to be the difference between if a child of a testator predeceases, then S33 Wills Act means that the inheritance automatically passes to that beneficiary's children.

If a child of a testator disclaims an inheritance, it goes back into the main pot rather than passing to that beneficiary's children.

As PP have said, the current beneficiaries could agree to vary the will to include grandchildren such as the OP but it sounds like they don't intend to.

Moglet4 · 17/04/2025 07:34

Longleggedlinda · 17/04/2025 00:34

No this is wrong, if you father rejects it views him as if he were deceased, and then his children inherit

theres no way the aunt could hold onto the money, people think that by the time it’s time to give the money out the family must be over the death but the Aunt is probably reliving all the memories, illness death etc

I don’t believe that’s true in the UK though it is in some other places.

2fallsagain · 17/04/2025 07:31

I think it very much depends if there was a will or not. Can you get some advice from the citizens advice? I would also phone your aunt from another number.

SameyMcNameChange · 17/04/2025 07:30

Link to HMRC manual

https://www.gov.uk/hmrc-internal-manuals/inheritance-tax-manual/ihtm35161

which says what the majority of those on here are saying. Disclaiming does not mean it flows to his children.

GRex · 17/04/2025 07:30

daisychain01 · 17/04/2025 07:17

This is what happens when you let money and inheritance dominate your thinking.

Your family sound untrustworthy and unreliable. You haven't said a single thing in your OP about any affection, memories or sense of warmth towards any of them yet you're chasing around thinking you can get some unearned cash off them.

honestly OP they don't have your best interests at heart, so let it go, have some self respect. I know you could do with the money but at what cost?

Why should OP have received nothing from these people and NOT collect the money if it's available? Just because she has nobody to mourn, she is still just as deserving as any other beneficiary. More so in fact, for never having the benefit of a loving paternal family. There is no indication that any of them have tried nor will try to do anything harmful to OP, it is simply that they are uncaring.

Deerrobin · 17/04/2025 07:26

When my grandfather died his three children were beneficiaries but one rejected their ‘share’ so it went back into the estate and was split between the other two beneficiaries. Our understanding at the time (the executor was a solicitor) was that this is the default position in the absence of specific clauses in the will to address that situation or a dead of variation being put in place by the beneficiary rejecting their inheritance. This is UK.

2fallsagain · 17/04/2025 07:26

Although this completely contradicts another AI summary:

If a beneficiary rejects their inheritance (also called disclaiming it), the rejected inheritance typically returns to the deceased's estate and is then redistributed among the remaining beneficiaries. If there are no other beneficiaries, it will be distributed according to the intestacy rules (if there's no will) or as specified in the will.

Elaboration:

  • Disclaiming an inheritance:
  • This means a beneficiary formally refuses to accept the gift they're being left in a will or under intestacy rules.
  • Returning to the estate:
  • Once disclaimed, the inheritance reverts back to the estate and is no longer part of the disclaiming beneficiary's property.
  • Redistribution:
  • The estate then distributes the disclaimed inheritance according to the will or, if there's no will, according to the rules of intestacy.
  • No control over redistribution:
  • The disclaiming beneficiary has no say in who ultimately receives the disclaimed inheritance.
  • Deed of Variation:
  • Another option is to use a Deed of Variation to redirect the inheritance to another beneficiary, but this requires all affected beneficiaries to sign and must be done within two years of the deceased's death.
GRex · 17/04/2025 07:26

Can you confirm if you are in England? Just to ensure nobody gives incorrect intestacy advice.

If your dad fornally rejected the inheritance rather than doing a deed of variation, then it really depends exactly what the will says as to who inherits next. If there is no will then under English intestacy rules his share should go to you and your siblings. Did your aunt give you the solicitor details? They should be able to explain to you if you are or are not a beneficiary.

2fallsagain · 17/04/2025 07:23

This from chatGPT - In the UK, if someone dies without a will (intestate) and a beneficiary rejects their inheritance, what happens to that share depends on who is entitled to inherit under the rules of intestacy.

If someone disclaims (rejects) an inheritance under intestacy:

  1. They are treated as if they died before the person who died.
  2. Therefore, their share passes according to the intestacy rules, not necessarily to their children unless the rules say so.

Example Scenario:

  • A person dies with no will.
  • They are survived by two children: Alice and Ben.
  • Ben rejects (disclaims) the inheritance.

Then, Ben is treated as if he had died before the parent, and if Ben had children, his share would go to his children (i.e., the grandchildren of the deceased) in equal shares. This is because under intestacy, if a child of the deceased has died but has descendants, their share passes down to their descendants.

Summary:

Yes, if a child of the deceased rejects an inheritance and there are grandchildren, the inheritance usually goes to those grandchildren—it does not go “back into the pot” for redistribution among other siblings.

Letstheriveranswer · 17/04/2025 07:17

What a nightmare family you have!
Can you contact your dad and ask him to do a deed of variation?

daisychain01 · 17/04/2025 07:17

This is what happens when you let money and inheritance dominate your thinking.

Your family sound untrustworthy and unreliable. You haven't said a single thing in your OP about any affection, memories or sense of warmth towards any of them yet you're chasing around thinking you can get some unearned cash off them.

honestly OP they don't have your best interests at heart, so let it go, have some self respect. I know you could do with the money but at what cost?

Viviennemary · 17/04/2025 07:07

I've checked this. If an inheritance is rejected the money goes back into the pot and is shared by the other beneficiaries. However, the person inheriting can complete a deed of variation saying their share is to be distributed amongst x y and z. This must be done and executed within two years of the death.

Original poster
feelingrobbed · 17/04/2025 06:38

I didn’t pay a penny for the funeral. I said no. Yes I think she has probably realised she can keep it.

OP posts:
Bonniethetiler · 17/04/2025 00:43

Longleggedlinda · 17/04/2025 00:34

No this is wrong, if you father rejects it views him as if he were deceased, and then his children inherit

theres no way the aunt could hold onto the money, people think that by the time it’s time to give the money out the family must be over the death but the Aunt is probably reliving all the memories, illness death etc

No this is wrong, if you father rejects it views him as if he were deceased, and then his children inherit

Genuine questoin - can you provide a link for this statement? I've looked and looked and all I can see is that (as others have said) when an inheritance is declined, that share goes back into the pot to be distributed among the others listed in the will. Yes, had the father died before the grandmother then his share would go to his children, but I can't see anything that says the same applies when the father refuses his share. I'm genuinely hoping for the sake of the OP that I'm wrong.

Longleggedlinda · 17/04/2025 00:34

No this is wrong, if you father rejects it views him as if he were deceased, and then his children inherit

theres no way the aunt could hold onto the money, people think that by the time it’s time to give the money out the family must be over the death but the Aunt is probably reliving all the memories, illness death etc

ReadingSoManyThreads · 17/04/2025 00:23

"but asked me to chip in for the funeral. I think she only remembered to tell me grandma was dead when she realised she needed to top funds up"

The funeral is paid for from the deceased estate.

How much did you hand over to her?

SheridansPortSalut · 16/04/2025 23:59

Try calling her from a different number. I bet she'll answer.

Viviennemary · 16/04/2025 23:49

Nevertrustacop · 16/04/2025 23:27

Unless your Dad did a deed of variation, the sum he rejected will not necessarily go to you. The estate will be allocated as if he never existed. So if he was inheriting with someone else, then they will get it all. I can't think he did make a d o v in your favour or you would have had to sign the documents. Unless that's why you are being called to the solicitor. But they will contact you directly, not via family.

I agree. My understanding would be that if your Dad rejected the inheritance it won't come to you. But you need to get legal advice on this.

Alfiemoon1 · 16/04/2025 23:45

I thought if one of the beneficiaries rejected the money it goes back into the estate to be split between the other beneficiaries not passed to their dc. Unless there was a clause in the will stating this or your dad did a deed variation saying it was to go to you instead

Hohofortherobbers · 16/04/2025 23:42

FrodoTheBlueWhippet · 16/04/2025 23:31

If a beneficiary rejects an inheritance it doesn't go to their children though? It goes back into the estate to go between the other beneficiaries?

I think your aunt has realised this and is regretting contacting you

SheridansPortSalut · 16/04/2025 23:38

I suspect that she was wrong in thinking that the money would go to you. She has now realised that it's hers and is ghosting you.