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AIBU?

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Original poster

To wonder if she can keep the whole inheritance?

62 replies

feelingrobbed · 16/04/2025 21:44

TLDR - my father has rejected his inheritance, will it now come to me and if so how do I make sure I get it?

I’ll start off by saying nothing about my family is normal.

Background- My parents split when I was two. From then until now (38) I’ve seen my dad less than 15 times. I have one DB who was a baby when they split.
My dad went on to have 3 more children.

We do text - quite regularly considering he lives an hour from me and I’ve never stepped foot in his home. He’s never attempted to improve our relationship but sends me regular messages wishing me well and sending me prayers. I don’t know why I reply but we’re always cordial with one another.

My paternal grandmother has always been accessible. But we were never close. I’ve been to her house many times but realised at her funeral I’d never tasted her food! Never slept in her home or spent more than a couple days hours with her. (Not really her fault to be fair)

I invited her and her daughter (my dad’s half sister) to my wedding. I was forbidden by my DM to invite my dad which was fair enough all though at the time I felt a great sense of shame he wouldn’t be there and couldn’t understand why she and my maternal family were so forceful about it.

I received a message on Facebook from my cousin (aunts daughter) saying grandma was sick. I visited and that was the end of comms.
Fast forward to last year grandma died. Despite as I say reasonably regular texts from my dad he never mentioned it. My aunt calls out of the blue and says she died weeks before.
I went to the funeral alone. A mandate had gone out that everyone should wear white but no one told me. I was hurt but I got on with it. My dad was not at the funeral nor were any of his other children.
After funeral aunt and I spoke a few times but nothing came of it.

She calls me yesterday (she did mention once last year I might get some cash when estate was resolved but I thought it was nonsense tbh. Other than telling my brother I forgot about it) she called me FIVE TIMES. Texts me saying urgent call me. I call her. She tells me dad has rejected his share of the money and so it will flow down to his children. We end up video calling - None of them have met my child- and she introduced herself and invited us to meet her in today.

I won’t lie, I was deliriously happy to hear about this money. I am a SAHM and need to get back on my feet due to marital issues however she doesn’t know about this.

I text her a few hours later and say nice talking to you please send me the location to meet you tomorrow. No reply then an hour later I see a missed call - I called her back within 5 mins. No answer or reply.

This morning my kid wakes up excited let’s go and meet this new aunt so despite my reluctance I text again. No fucking reply

I am first of all fuming I let her disappoint my child. I have purposefully not even mentioned them to my DD before this. She knows I have a dad but she thinks he lives far away. He doesn’t. She knows my grandmother died but I hadn’t mentioned this aunt. DD is reception age.

Putting aside my ego - what happens now? I’m presuming she won’t contact me again or will leave it another 5 years. She has major issues with my dad and she is absolutely right to - however she and I have never really had anything at all to do with one another. I’ve met her less than 5 times since I was two and that includes my wedding and grandmas funeral.

She said I needed to send the solicitor my ID and bank details. She has received her share already and said it would happen within 7 days. My dad refuses to discuss his mother it’s senseless contacting him about this. Even as a child on the rare occasions I spoke to him he told me not to visit her. As I say, they are strange people.

Help. Do I need to forget about this or is there a possibility this isnt all a joke and she can just keep it all her self?

OP posts:
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Original poster
feelingrobbed · 25/04/2025 22:14

GRex · 25/04/2025 22:12

I hope you have good luck in a different way @feelingrobbed.

@GRexthank you Flowers

OP posts:
GRex · 25/04/2025 22:12

I hope you have good luck in a different way @feelingrobbed.

Original poster
feelingrobbed · 25/04/2025 18:46

Just to update anyone who’s interested: I never heard back from my aunt. I called/ messaged several times and got nothing back. I’ve left it now.

I just wish she’d not gotten in touch. I’d never have even thought of it!

OP posts:
GRex · 17/04/2025 19:01

The intestacy rules would not apply to a disclaimed gift. The gift would just go back up in line and be redistributed between the living children of the testator (or non testator if there is no will! 😆)
I'm not sure where you are, but in England if there is no will then it absolutely does fall into intestacy rules. Intestacy can also be disclaimed. If there is no surviving spouse, then intestacy passes to children OR their descendants.

BobbyBiscuits · 17/04/2025 19:00

Unless he specifically said he wants it to go to you, then there's a heavy chance you'll get only a small proportion or potentially nothing.

They will take it that he was never included and then it will depend on who else was in the will or the other next of kin of the deceased.

I hope you find out what's going on but don't get your hopes up for necessarily receiving any money.

Jackrussellsaremad · 17/04/2025 18:55

GRex · 17/04/2025 18:39

Why do people say random shit with such confidence? Some of us have already explained that the situation depends on what has been written in the will, and if there is no will then it follows intestacy rules. None of us can know from the information given whether OP can inherit or not, because we don't know about the will (or lack of).

Show quote history

I was replying to the statement by the PP that the dad had disclaimed his gift on the OPs behalf. The implication being that s33 applies to disclaimed gifts as well as a child predeceasing a testator and the gift automatically passing to a grandchild. This doesn't apply to disclaimed gifts. I think that's where the confusion on this thread lies.

And yes of course if the testator has included a reserve gift to the grandchild in the specific circumstances that her son disclaimed the gift then the gift would pass to the OP. But it wouldn't pass automatically. That was my point.

The intestacy rules would not apply to a disclaimed gift. The gift would just go back up in line and be redistributed between the living children of the testator (or non testator if there is no will! 😆)

I do try not to say random shit and have tried not to throughout this thread.

Ener · 17/04/2025 18:55

I’d message her again

GRex · 17/04/2025 18:39

Jackrussellsaremad · 17/04/2025 16:02

It won't come to the OP though.

Show quote history

Why do people say random shit with such confidence? Some of us have already explained that the situation depends on what has been written in the will, and if there is no will then it follows intestacy rules. None of us can know from the information given whether OP can inherit or not, because we don't know about the will (or lack of).

Annascaul · 17/04/2025 17:25

Longleggedlinda · 17/04/2025 00:34

No this is wrong, if you father rejects it views him as if he were deceased, and then his children inherit

theres no way the aunt could hold onto the money, people think that by the time it’s time to give the money out the family must be over the death but the Aunt is probably reliving all the memories, illness death etc

Wrong.

Waterlilysunset · 17/04/2025 17:19

SheridansPortSalut · 16/04/2025 23:38

I suspect that she was wrong in thinking that the money would go to you. She has now realised that it's hers and is ghosting you.

This

UnderandOverwhelmed · 17/04/2025 17:17

I think the rules are different for intestacy, certainly as per citizens advice it would go to the dad's children if he declined. Ultimately though solicitors will contact you if you are due something, even if your aunt doesn't provide your contact details, it's their duty.

MoreChocPls · 17/04/2025 16:25

I’d contact my dad and ask him to gift it to you. It’s the least he can do.

Jackrussellsaremad · 17/04/2025 16:02

Cookiebix · 17/04/2025 15:38

Would your dad give you solicitors details? Is it possible he declined his share knowing it would come to you, I.e. did it deliberately to benefit you?

It won't come to the OP though.

Cookiebix · 17/04/2025 15:38

Would your dad give you solicitors details? Is it possible he declined his share knowing it would come to you, I.e. did it deliberately to benefit you?

daisychain01 · 17/04/2025 15:32

GRex · 17/04/2025 07:30

Why should OP have received nothing from these people and NOT collect the money if it's available? Just because she has nobody to mourn, she is still just as deserving as any other beneficiary. More so in fact, for never having the benefit of a loving paternal family. There is no indication that any of them have tried nor will try to do anything harmful to OP, it is simply that they are uncaring.

Show quote history

What I suggested in my post is that the OP is being forced to scrabble around for inheritance money, going through a world of frustration and pain and even then no guarantees they will get a penny piece. They have an alternative choice rather than getting sucked into the vortex.

it isn't about mourning, it is about keeping one's sanity and one's self-respect.

if that father was in any way a decent human being, don't you think they would say "I don't want the inheritance, so I'll make sure my daughter who I brought into this world gets the money because I know she is in need", not leave her to have to hold out her hand or poke someone in the chest to get the inheritance.

this whole scenario is vile, and all I'm saying is the OP would do well to spin on her heels, walk away, and let the others get consumed by the drama, they all sound dreadful and none of them care about the OPs wellbeing.

There is no indication that any of them have tried nor will try to do anything harmful to OP, it is simply that they are uncaring.

the game-playing aunt (deliberately making herself unavailable numerous times) couldn't care less about the OP, she's got her money, and is happy to cause the OP all sorts of hassle like some sick game.

Jackrussellsaremad · 17/04/2025 12:48

If your dad disclaims, the Deed of Variation will need to be agreed by all the other beneficiaries substituting you for your dad. Your dad won't have a say if they do it this way. I suspect they won't want to.as they will get less.

Alternatively your dad could receive his inheritance as the Will states (you assume..have you seen the will? Good to check the terms) and simply pass it on to you. Unless there are tax issues he could just gift it. (If there are tax issues in doing that, eg CGT, ideally your dad as a beneficiary that hasn't disclaimed could then vary the will in your favour.within two years).

westisbest1982 · 17/04/2025 10:03

Hohofortherobbers · 16/04/2025 23:42

I think your aunt has realised this and is regretting contacting you

Show quote history

I agree. She will likely be regretting saying anything to you and is hoping with every breath in her body that you forget about it. Please go and speak to your dad and a solicitor.

Bonniethetiler · 17/04/2025 09:36

2fallsagain · 17/04/2025 07:23

This from chatGPT - In the UK, if someone dies without a will (intestate) and a beneficiary rejects their inheritance, what happens to that share depends on who is entitled to inherit under the rules of intestacy.

If someone disclaims (rejects) an inheritance under intestacy:

  1. They are treated as if they died before the person who died.
  2. Therefore, their share passes according to the intestacy rules, not necessarily to their children unless the rules say so.

Example Scenario:

  • A person dies with no will.
  • They are survived by two children: Alice and Ben.
  • Ben rejects (disclaims) the inheritance.

Then, Ben is treated as if he had died before the parent, and if Ben had children, his share would go to his children (i.e., the grandchildren of the deceased) in equal shares. This is because under intestacy, if a child of the deceased has died but has descendants, their share passes down to their descendants.

Summary:

Yes, if a child of the deceased rejects an inheritance and there are grandchildren, the inheritance usually goes to those grandchildren—it does not go “back into the pot” for redistribution among other siblings.

.

Mrsttcno1 · 17/04/2025 09:04

It’d be up to your dad to allocate the money to you basically, but to be honest I agree with previous poster- you had absolutely no relationship with these people, it’s a bit grabby to want some cash now and play on the “she was my grandmother”.

olympicsrock · 17/04/2025 08:57

You Know that you have been left nothing as you have not been contacted by the solicitor.

The only thing you can do is to speak to your father. It’s up to him whether he / you will inherit anything or not.

Original poster
feelingrobbed · 17/04/2025 08:49

Sauvin · 17/04/2025 08:31

I would let it go. You have barely any relationship with these people and don’t seem to even like them yet you’re chasing after some money. If you are entitled to something and there’s a solicitor involved, then they will get in touch with you eventually.

Look at it this way: you didn’t have this inheritance this time last week and you don’t have it now so you’re no worse off.

She was my grandmother. I don’t have a relationship with them because they chose not to bother with us.

if I was financially stable would I give a fuck? No, I wouldn’t. As it stands I will at least try.

OP posts:
Original poster
feelingrobbed · 17/04/2025 08:47

CuriousGeorge80 · 17/04/2025 08:44

Message your dad and ask him to accept the money and pass it to you, as it would change your life. If he is any sort of a man if he will do it. (Although if he has other children he should split it evenly between the kids.)

I will ask him to do this. However it’s unlikely as he has strange beliefs. He probably needs the money as much as I do but he has rejected it.

OP posts:
CuriousGeorge80 · 17/04/2025 08:44

Message your dad and ask him to accept the money and pass it to you, as it would change your life. If he is any sort of a man if he will do it. (Although if he has other children he should split it evenly between the kids.)

Sidebeforeself · 17/04/2025 08:33

None of us can really help you… it all depends on what was in the will. But I honestly think you would be best off forgetting about the money. It’s a real blow I know, but you can’t lose what you never had.

Sauvin · 17/04/2025 08:31

I would let it go. You have barely any relationship with these people and don’t seem to even like them yet you’re chasing after some money. If you are entitled to something and there’s a solicitor involved, then they will get in touch with you eventually.

Look at it this way: you didn’t have this inheritance this time last week and you don’t have it now so you’re no worse off.