AIBU yo not want this woman near my children

Then DH gets another job and stops being a farmer, surely? Your kids should come first.

They're clearly not stuck like glue to anyone, if SIL was able to bundle them into a car.and take them away before DH was close enough to stop her.

If you want them to stop being exposed to your SIL then you will have to disappoint them and say they can't go there. There isn't another option, the PIL and SIL aren't going to change and it doesn't seem like your DH is going to change his job so you have to change the only thing you can, which is the DC going there without you.

She physically assaulted your Dh ?
Doesn’t matter if the dc want to go, they can’t. You are allowing this to happen. No one seems interested in stopping this.

‘Daddy is working and can’t keep you safe’ is more than enough.

I don’t take my children to work because it’s not safe.

She had horrible PILs if I recall correctly.

There have been a number of different threads from OPs who had married into farming families. Pretty much all of them were posting because of poor treatment from their in-laws with a DH who always took his family's side. The farming families described on here were all very enmeshed and mean/dismissive of outsiders, i.e. the DILs who had married into the family.

No but her husband was a farmer and there were lots of problems with the in laws not respecting boundaries and being unkind about her. The husband seemed unable to but put in appropriate boundaries and that seemed closely linked with the complexity of inheritance, work expectations etc.

I think in your situation, I would stop my children going farming with their father.
He seems enmeshed with his extended family and seems to chose their abuse over protecting your joint children.
No I don't think you need to give examples. Mother's instinct is very important.
Where are your extended family? Is there someone who would take your children out when you're working? What about a Nanny or school holiday clubs where you can stipulate who is banned from collecting your children in your absence.

@Easterhols1 could it be worth having a heart-to-heart with your MiL?

Would she be supportive to your concerns?

Very difficult situation for you, I understand

Are you the same poster whose in laws didn’t use car seats?

Daddy needs to be an independent adult- get a job like everyone else and stop sacrificing his children for a possible future inheritance.

Your children should never step foot in the house where a violent relative lives.

daddy may not want to give up his vocation, but he absolutely could walk away. He doesn’t have to keep going there every day. There are other ways to earn a living that don’t expose his family to this kind of toxicity.

I think you need to be able to dissapoint your children, they won't get to go farming with Daddy for a while, till you see if you can sort it.

I totally understand why you feel this way, and I would feel the same. My heart goes out to you, honestly, because you are in such a no-win situation!

The only one who can assert the rights of your children not to be left unsupervised with their 'aunt' is your DH. He needs to put his foot down with his parents.

She physically abused your DH - she can't be trusted not to do the same with your precious children. So set your boundaries. Your children won't be at the PILs unless they accept your conditions. Your DH needs to reinforce this.

Well that wasn't clear when you said that you would like to hear the SIL's version of events. I don't think I need to, personally.

I understand how farming families work and the OP is in a difficult position here.

Neither I nor my DC would be anywhere near someone who spoke like that. If OP has continued to allow this behaviour via the in-laws until now it should be clear why I’m asking questions.

YANBU!! If you don't feel someone if safe to be responsible for your children, they shouldn't be looking after them! Doubly so, if the situation has only come about from your husband being lazy (rather than, say, if your husband thought it was for some reason important for them to have one-on-one time together).

As a secondary point, as the father is your current husband and not an ex, you also have a relationship issue, in that he should respect your boundaries.

Your MIL is also overstepping, and wrong to boot. Your SIL does not "deserve" anything with your children. She has no rights over them, it is up to you and your husband, whether you think your children will benefit from a relationship with her.

My SIL and DH do not get on, and will not be in the same building. Similar, in that she can be a very difficult person (although as it happens, me and her get on okay on the rare occasions we see each other). One day, she lost her mind, screaming at my DH about something irrelevant, and threatened to hit him. All this in front of the toddler, which is why they now don't meet. She believed she had a "right" to see her niece and nephew too. As a family, we facilitate her seeing the children on occasion, because on balance, we think family is important, and she only acts like that with my DH. But we also have the rule that she can't be alone with them, because ultimately, she is unstable. My MIL and FIL host me and her and the children. They would never dream of going against what we've decided is best for the safety of our children. Sounds like your PILs and DH are scared of your SILs moods, and are happy to offer up your children to mollify her, which isn't okay.

I would not let my children around someone who is known to be physically or verbally abusive, no.

I'd also not let my children spend significant amount of time with people who exolicitly undermine me, and that includes your PIL not just SIL. So maybe find other childcare.

Never mind that poster - there's always one!!

Nobody should have to tolerate physical and verbal abuse and you don't owe anyone here an explanation!

Is your DH in line to inherit the farm? Is there any prospect of SIL getting married and moving out or otherwise pissing off?

I have a horrible SIL too so I hear you - distance is the thing that works for us! She's nearly 2 hours away thank god.