AIBU yo not want this woman near my children

My SIL is similar. We cut contact because she harassed my husband so much when he stood up to her that he ended up having to take time off work for anxiety. She also made allegations that I'm abusive and threatened to tell our daughter all about what a horrible person I secretly am and how I don't really care about DD. Our daughter has learning disabilities and is incredibly vulnerable. Being manipulated like that would devastate her.

My in-laws stance about her behaviour was "everybody has flaws". DH and DD went for dinner with our in law's and and MIL took her out to "get some bags", and gave her an advent calendar from SIL on the sly. Husband only found out it was from her when DD told him in the car because she'd been uncomfortable mentioning it.

We've since made it very VERY clear that when they see DD it will be supervised because their attitude shows we can't trust them to respect our wishes.

I have no advice unfortunately, only solidarity because these situations are so incredibly stressful ❤️

This is often the case with farming families. There’s a weird dynamic with the parents owning the farm, the son spending his life working for minimum wage because ‘one day all this will be yours’, other siblings either working on the farm or trying to get their hands on the land. When grandchildren come along the dynamic is even stranger. I’d suggest your husband does contracting for someone else if he wants to keep his family sane.

Has she made a physical threat this time?

I'm not sure why you're sick at her audacity when she took the children out with their fathers permission? There is nothing you can do about this if your children's equal parent isn't on the same page, so your energies really need to be directed towards your H. Why did he allow this? Does he still fear her as a result of the abuse he suffered? Where do the parents stand? You trust them to do childcare, yet they are presumably doing nothing in the face of an abusive woman taking your DC out? You need a serious conversation with your H where you make some joint decisions about childcare you're comfortable with. Because there is no way you're going to be able to control your SiLs access while her parents have charge of your DC and their father stands by allowing it.

I'm not sure why you're sick at her audacity when she took the children out with their fathers permission? There is nothing you can do about this if your children's equal parent isn't on the same page, so your energies really need to be directed towards your H. Why did he allow this? Does he still fear her as a result of the abuse he suffered? Where do the parents stand? You trust them to do childcare, yet they are presumably doing nothing in the face of an abusive woman taking your DC out? You need a serious conversation with your H where you make some joint decisions about childcare you're comfortable with. Because there is no way you're going to be able to control your SiLs access while her parents have charge of your DC and their father stands by allowing it.

But you/ your DH haven't enforced those boundaries. PIL and SIL aren't going to abide by them. So either they go there and never leave your/DHs side the whole time they're on the premises, or they don't go there. There's no other way to get what you want, they're not going to do what you want.

It doesn't have to be your DS's future. You're not born a farmer and farming is the only thing you can do for the rest of your life.

If that's genuinely how you feel, then you obviously need to accept your children being around these abusive people (which says a lot about you).

It doesn't have to be your DS's future. You're not born a farmer and farming is the only thing you can do for the rest of your life.

If that's genuinely how you feel, then you obviously need to accept your children being around these abusive people (which says a lot about you).

They're clearly not stuck like glue to anyone, if SIL was able to bundle them into a car.and take them away before DH was close enough to stop her.

If you want them to stop being exposed to your SIL then you will have to disappoint them and say they can't go there. There isn't another option, the PIL and SIL aren't going to change and it doesn't seem like your DH is going to change his job so you have to change the only thing you can, which is the DC going there without you.

Then DH gets another job and stops being a farmer, surely? Your kids should come first.

Then DH gets another job and stops being a farmer, surely? Your kids should come first.