AIBU yo not want this woman near my children

I'm sorry about your baby xx

Posts like these are just ignorant, and are best ignored.

No, she doesn't. You just don't understand.

Then your only option is to tell the children that they are not to go into the house without their father and that they are not to engage with SIL. Presumably if they’re old enough to be around a working farm they are old enough to follow that instruction (although bundled into car suggests maybe not).

Yes that’s grim and full of challenges but if you’re not prepared to stop them going (understandable in the circumstances), DH and FIL aren’t going to supervise (appreciate even if they wanted to, it would be difficult) and you don’t want them around her (which you absolutely shouldn’t if that’s what she’s saying about you), I don’t see what else you can do.

Edited- forgot to quote

You sound very dramatic

You cant dictate how much contact they have with her if you are happy to use childcare at the place she lives.

It sounds like your MIL allowed the outing rather than your DH so you should really take this up with her too.

You and your DH need to find alternative childcare for your children to prevent this from happening again.

I was a farm worker and for those who say you are not born a farmer, you are. You don't choose to be a farmer, farming chooses you. It's not a job anyone would choose to do, it's impossible for those not dedicated to it to do. I've seen many try and fail. I've met farmers DC who can't hack it, and other who couldn't be anything else. It is truely a vocation, you couldn't easily go into lots of vocations and see it as a job, farming is no different to any other vocation. I know the hard work, the physical and mental toll, and the absolute dedication it requires and I would still jump at the chance of going back into it if the opportunity arose, I dull the itch with small scale projects for the household.

I'm sorry you are all going through this OP.

Farming family dynamics are so difficult, the DC are often in thrall to parents from a long life of working on the farm from an early age. No doubt FIL is at a stage where he needs his DS on board working on the farm to keep it going. I hope he can take up the mantle and do something to support your DH and you to establish some peace for you all.

I wish I could offer more than this but I do very much hope that the best that can be will be for you and your family.

I understand why you feel like that. For what it's worth, I've been no contact with my in-laws for nearly 6 months and as much as it was hard at first, my stress levels have dropped and aspects of life just feel easy, because I'm not walking on egg shells trying not to offend someone who's mission in life is to be perpetually offended. It does get easier from an emotional standpoint ❤️

I honestly think contracting is the way to go for him. If he did it before and is considering it again it would be a good plan. The promise of an inheritance is just a string to keep him hooked in, especially with the inheritance tax changes for farmers. I know friends of mine who have worked all their lives with the thought of inheriting the family farm are going to have to sell up when their father dies (he’s in his nineties), because there wont be the cash to pay the ineritence tax. Your husband could still inherit in the same way that his sister can inherit one day, it would just mean you would all have lives in the meantime.

Sadly you are going to be lumbered with her for life...

Your DH really does need a bit of distance, scare the crap out of FIL a bit that he might not want the farm!

Unless you've come from a farming community, you'd never get it! x

I did. You're still talking nonsense.

How is he going to "farm elsewhere"? He can't pick up the land and take it with him!

@Easterhols1 I really do get your dilemma and I feel for you! What is a woman of 45 doing still living with her parents anyway? Are they going to leave the family home to her or something?

You're going to have to put your foot down with all of them. Your husband should inform his sister that if she ever threatens him again, he will call the police, and mean it. Sounds like FIL is getting a bit rattled in case your DH does walk away.

Did you build on farmland or are you very close to the farm? A couple of farming families, as the parents got older, swapped houses with them. I don't know if that would work for you? It would get the sister off the farm.

It will be hard for the children but they're best off staying away. I don't imagine it would be comfortable for you to go with them or would she just abuse you too?

I think it's a good idea for your DH to amp up the contracting. It would give him a bit more independence from them, and he wouldn't be on the farm for the children to want to go.

Maybe missing out on the children and seeing DH pulling away a bit will get the message across. Good luck.

You and dh are right to be furious. Unfortunately the children can’t go farming with daddy - they are not farming, they are being taken off by a crazy woman who is clearly unhinged. That would be end of the children going to the in-laws sadly.

Perhaps you should read to the end of the thread and discover the OP is actually taking everyone's advice, before coming in all 'farming mafia' 😂

Perhaps you should give over talking about something you just don't understand!

How simplistic!

You clearly don't know too much about farming life!