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Original poster

I told him our daughter was in hospital - no message from him

114 replies

Purplerose248 · 16/04/2025 21:09

I just feel so much anger as me & my DC(1) are away and she ended up in hospital yesterday with bronchitis, I told my DP this and he just said “ oh she is in good hands then”, no follow up no asking how she is doing nothing- for two days.

He rarely asks how we are doing, he literally acts like a distant family member since we left.

He is not interested - for those thinking he is busy - he is not as he is probably just gaming all day long.

I just don’t understand how a parent can act like this.

OP posts:
Endofyear · 16/04/2025 22:25

Have you told him what an absolutely shit father he is? Why are you still with him?

ZepherinDrouhin · 16/04/2025 22:16

What do his parents think about the son they have given birth to and raised?

CleaningAngel · 16/04/2025 22:16

Purplerose248 · 16/04/2025 21:39

He is the biological father, he hasn’t been diagnosed with anything so far. He is addicted to gaming yes. Like for example, he can game all day long.
He was gaming three times a week all evening when we were at home. It’s like a house rule to leave him those hours even if the house is burning.

Edited
Show quote history

Does he not have a job

Renamed · 16/04/2025 22:05

Purplerose248 · 16/04/2025 21:28

We have been away for a month now - he didn’t ask me for a phone call or video call once.

My DC called him many times on a video call he never answered nor called back.

When he messages, his messages look like this “ sorry baby I was gaming with X, I made myself food” and that’s all.

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Jeez how did you come to marry a 14 year old?

AlertCat · 16/04/2025 21:56

Purplerose248 · 16/04/2025 21:54

Before I left he told me he needs some time for himself. And he has lots of projects to do that he couldn’t do when we were there(he did nothing).

We have argued a lot in the last months, and he has said many times that if we separate I’m the one leaving as the house we live in is his inheritance.

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Are you in UK? Get yourself on the council house waiting list. You can mentally separate from him and tell him later, when you have somewhere to go.

QuickPeachPoet · 16/04/2025 21:56

What a horrible situation OP.
First things first - focus on getting your child better. Than sort out an exit plan. Somewhere for you both to live, and a good solicitor.
Is your employment stable and do you have RL support? You will need both.

PluckyBamboo · 16/04/2025 21:54

I wouldn't ever go home, spend the time you are sitting in hospital organising either kicking him out or getting yourself new accommodation.

Original poster
Purplerose248 · 16/04/2025 21:54

HiCandles · 16/04/2025 21:37

Horrendous behaviour. Most parents would be driving through the night or getting on the next plane if told their child was in hospital.
Interested to know where you are being away for such a long time. It sounds like he's disengaged totally from being a father.
What's he like when you're together? I'd bet money he sees childcare as your responsibility, doesn't do equal shares of home chores and still goes out whenever he wants assuming you'll be with your DD, yet rarely facilitates your free time.

Before I left he told me he needs some time for himself. And he has lots of projects to do that he couldn’t do when we were there(he did nothing).

We have argued a lot in the last months, and he has said many times that if we separate I’m the one leaving as the house we live in is his inheritance.

OP posts:
Sayshesheshe · 16/04/2025 21:52

I would have fallen out of love with him in that moment and there would be no hope for our future relationship.

Plmnki · 16/04/2025 21:51

Oh for gods sake, get rid of him. Now. He’s an oxygen thief.

you and your little girl are going to have a great life without him.

Original poster
Purplerose248 · 16/04/2025 21:50

Bananalanacake · 16/04/2025 21:23

Why isn't he at work or does he work from home. Hope your little one feels better soon.

He works from home - but it’s a very flexible job.

OP posts:
ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 16/04/2025 21:48

A month?!!! He’s totally checked out of family life hasn’t he? The obvious thing to do is divorce him, but I know in your position I’d find it hard to go straight to that. Maybe try reading him the riot act and give him a chance to change, while making it clear that failure to do so results in divorce. I think you’ll still have to divorce him, but I know I’d feel the need to try to fix things if possible. I hope your child is doing better now.

cadburyegg · 16/04/2025 21:47

I rarely say this but LTB

JustAnotherManicMomday · 16/04/2025 21:45

I think i would be sending a message to say as you have not been in contact to check how your dv is doing in hospital, I hope it's because your either in a hospital bed yourself or packing your belongings to move out as they are the only acceptable reasons for lack of fucks given.

Flopsy145 · 16/04/2025 21:44

Purplerose248 · 16/04/2025 21:39

He is the biological father, he hasn’t been diagnosed with anything so far. He is addicted to gaming yes. Like for example, he can game all day long.
He was gaming three times a week all evening when we were at home. It’s like a house rule to leave him those hours even if the house is burning.

Edited
Show quote history

My DH regularly games like this, I once knew him to spend 11 hours non stop gaming and he forgot to eat. Definitely was addicted although not so bad now. But if one of his kids needed him at any time, he would be there instantly.
Sounds like your DP is not a stand up father!

MummytoE · 16/04/2025 21:42

I would split up with him. I don't see his behaviour getting anything better. Hope you are ok. It's hard enough dealing with a sick child never mind doing it without your husband's support

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 16/04/2025 21:41

That's bizarre, most parents would be beside themselves with worry. When stuff like this has happened when I've not been there, my husband has been annoyed with me for asking for so many updates that its overwhelming for him to answer. I don't think I could forgive the lack of thought or concern. I don't know if there is much point in talking to him...he might start calling you and showing concern etc...but he still won't actually care

TheChosenTwo · 16/04/2025 21:40

Where have you gone for a month without him? Are you abroad on holiday? Visiting relatives somewhere? It’s a long time without some kind of purpose (sorry, I found this addition really distracted me from the purpose of the op).

Either way he’s a dick and a total waste of a space as a father let alone dh/dp.
Ditch the loser. Your dd deserves more from life than that pathetic excuse for a role model. He’s a joke.
Hope she rallies and perks up soon op, the poor little poppet 💐

Original poster
Purplerose248 · 16/04/2025 21:39

LavenderFields7 · 16/04/2025 21:33

Is he the biological father? Does he have mental health problems? Autism? Addiction? Something doesn’t add up.

He is the biological father, he hasn’t been diagnosed with anything so far. He is addicted to gaming yes. Like for example, he can game all day long.
He was gaming three times a week all evening when we were at home. It’s like a house rule to leave him those hours even if the house is burning.

OP posts:
HiCandles · 16/04/2025 21:37

Horrendous behaviour. Most parents would be driving through the night or getting on the next plane if told their child was in hospital.
Interested to know where you are being away for such a long time. It sounds like he's disengaged totally from being a father.
What's he like when you're together? I'd bet money he sees childcare as your responsibility, doesn't do equal shares of home chores and still goes out whenever he wants assuming you'll be with your DD, yet rarely facilitates your free time.

KarCat · 16/04/2025 21:35

He hasn’t asked because he’s in his own little world gaming with his chums.
He sounds ridiculously immature, the problem is that your little girl will get older and will he still be absolutely oblivious to her (and your) needs?

LavenderFields7 · 16/04/2025 21:33

Is he the biological father? Does he have mental health problems? Autism? Addiction? Something doesn’t add up.

Original poster
Purplerose248 · 16/04/2025 21:32

KarCat · 16/04/2025 21:26

If one of your good friends acted in this way would you be disappointed?
Of course you would.
And this is your child’s FATHER??
Absolutely selfish and shameful behaviour, I could never get over this personally.
I hope your little girl gets better very soon.

It’s absolutely disgusting- I’m so angry as I can’t recognise the man I married.
I can’t believe he doesn’t ask how his daughter is doing.

OP posts:
mediummumma · 16/04/2025 21:31

Oh OP, I didn’t assume he was busy, I assumed he was a deadbeat. And I was correct. You’d be better off without this total embarrassment to men and fathers in your life. What a disgrace he is.

I hope your daughter is recovering.

Original poster
Purplerose248 · 16/04/2025 21:28

ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 16/04/2025 21:19

He’s a dick.

We have been away for a month now - he didn’t ask me for a phone call or video call once.

My DC called him many times on a video call he never answered nor called back.

When he messages, his messages look like this “ sorry baby I was gaming with X, I made myself food” and that’s all.

OP posts:
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