Why do people hate big families?

Shitty nasty thing to say. My parents have never wanted to know me after having me young then hating each other and my serious health disorder meant I could only have one child. It can be distressing when I’m on my own at Christmas and holidays seeing large families. Thanks for pointing out I’ll be never have your happiness.

People don't hate big families, but they do dislike badly behaved children. For some people their definition of badly behaved unfortunately includes noisy 😒

I'm the youngest of five.

I'd move away - not just because there's a natural inclination to hunt as a pack (food, activities, space) or because of the sheer noise level, but because the alternative to that is listening to a parent who controls the herd through fear.

To be honest, I would probably move too. Nothing to do with hating big families. It's just a big group can be a bit overwhelming and noisy when you are spending time with DH and a couple of little ones.

To be honest, I would probably move too. Nothing to do with hating big families. It's just a big group can be a bit overwhelming and noisy when you are spending time with DH and a couple of little ones.

It's not 4 kids, it's 7! OP's kids plus their cousins. 6 boys and a girl.

I wondered this. The fact that there are so many responses.

Just a bit excited for one child multiplied by 4 could perhaps be loud and disruptive.

I think you are projecting a bit there. People aren't rolling their eyes / moving away from the OP's family because of envy, it's because they think the children are being too noisy.

I have grown up children so not a child hater by any means. However sorry the parenting and children these days are awful. They are badly behaved and parents just ignore bad behaviour of just keep chatting to themselves whilst kids run riot. Had to move house because children next door were utterly vile and parents wet wipes, unfortunately parents want to be children’s friends and not teach them how to be considerate and respectful of others. They just seem so entitled these days. Wouldn’t dislike big families if children were taught boundaries and acceptable behaviour

Yea sorry I'd probably move away too. It's nothing personal really, It's just a bit group of kids usually means noise and chaos.

I suspect its nothing to do with your children and everything to do with it being school Holidays.
People who are used to having these places to themselves IE: childless people or people with preschool aged kids, can get a shock when they go along to a place they go every week and it's suddenly overrun with school aged children. It's not personal to you.

I remember going along with a 3yo DS to a sofftplay we went to every week without knowing it was school holidays and letting out an audible gasp because it looked so different to the quiet soft play with ample seating I was used to, and I was worried he would be trampled as he wasn't used to kids twice his size.

It doesn't justify people's rudeness one bit, but it's likely to be a grumpiness about having their routines changed than the size of your family. Basically, they're not used to sharing.

DSIS and I were talking about this the other day. We both only have one, and that's due to circumstances rather than choice. I think it's that large families, through no fault of their own, always look like they're having fun, a big gang etc and for me yes there is an element of envy and failure as my child doesn't love being an only. But that's on me and not you.

One person's excitement is another person's feral.

I hate groups of unruly children. People are often unaware of how noisy and chaotic their kids are.

Nope.

I’m really sorry you’ve had this experience. I have loads of nephews/nieces/great nephews/great nieces so we’re used to the chaos they bring.

Sadly we were only able to have one child and we got berated from families (including my siblings and inlaws) with loads of kids for only having one ‘lonely only’ child.

I say ignore the haters and just do your own thing, there are always misery guts who love to bring other people down.

Do people really hate large families? I have 19 aunts and uncles (the youngest my age) so I'm pretty used to them. Am inclined to agree with others that it's the ratio of adults to children that's the issue. Same as when a crowd of kids on a school trip get onto your train; even if they are behaving reasonably the experience is intense and you're secretly relieved when they get off.

I think you underestimate the level of noise because you are used to it. 7 children mostly boys will be loud, no matter how well behaved. I understand your children are gentle will small kids, but in reality most boys in groups will be engrossed in their play and won't pay attention to smaller kids, won't think about their comfort etc. Especially if they arrive in a group of 7.

Oh and with noise it's the same with adults - if I wanted quiet afternoon in the park I would move if a group of adults arrived.

I love big families! I wish I had one. Having said that, if I was out and enjoying a quiet, relaxing time, reading or talking with someone, and 7 children turned up I'd probably move to somewhere else because you expect children to be noisy. Nothing personal.

7 children all excited sounds noisy. That might be overwhelming for some children.

I'm jealous of large families (up to around 4/5 kids, beyond that I do secretly wonder whether it's the parents or older kids doing the parenting) - I always think they take the party with them without needing extras 😂!

There are a lot of misanthropes about and even more that specialise in small people.

No.

Yes this.

I've got 3DC. My friend has 7, all boys! We don't have people move or eye roll when we approach or set up a picnic etc. I was complemented on their behaviour in a barbershop the other day as they all sat waiting for littlest DS to get a trim.

Just because you aren't swearing and being outrageously rude doesn't mean you're not disruptive. It sounds like you are minimising how your group behaves because to consistently get that reaction, you're the common denominator.

I have another friend with one DC, a girl who shrieks at fucking nothing all the time and it goes through you. Now she gets constant glares. My friend would say "it's their problem, it's what children do.". No no. It's what some children are allowed to do when their parents have got no respect or consideration for where they are and the other people within that space.

Parents of larger families almost inevitably have a higher tolerance for chatter, bickering and general child "noise" than, say, the parents of an only child. It's pretty self-selecting. Even if the children are generally well-behaved, they'll make more noise than a smaller group. I wouldn't actually say anything but I'd definitely not be keen on being near a big group of kids like that.

I've got three and I've never had a single comment!

Most of my friends and family have two.