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Original poster

Getting judged for wanting to put twins into nursery

32 replies

Chocstrawberry1 · 16/04/2025 16:27

I am asking this on behalf of my friend (she doesn’t have a MN acc)

She has 13 month old twins and obviously they are a handful. Her DH works FT and recently she’s shut herself off from everyone (even me until now) and she’s been really depressed.
She has expressed wanting to put the twins into nursery 2 days a week within the next 6 months and she work part time. She is south Asian and she has been saying her in-laws and extended family members have been making remarks about her not being a full time SAHM and the kids should be with the mum all the time. She feels she will be ostracised if she puts them in nursery part time but she is really struggling with them at home. I help her when I can but I can see myself it’s a lot for her.

She wants to know if she’s being unreasonable wanting to put the twins into nursery 2 days when they’re around 18 months? Or should she wait until they start school?

OP posts:
Sassybooklover · 16/04/2025 16:43

It's really no one else's business. If she feels she needs to put her twins into nursery a couple of days a week, then she must do what's best for her family. It's very easy to criticise but her relatives aren't her and aren't having to cope with twins 24/7!! Working a couple of days a week, interacting with adults, will help her sanity.

TreeCake · 16/04/2025 16:36

Doing it with one child is completely reasonable, so I would definitely say that with twins it's completely fine.
There's always someone giving an opinion that wasn't asked for, isn't there? When I put my DD in aged aged 4 when I was on mat leave with my second DD, a 'friend' told me she didn't know any other 'stay at home Mums' who used nursery (fwiw I worked full time and wasn't a SAHM, just on mat leave with a newborn).
If your friend needs this for her own wellbeing then I admire her for recognising this and putting herself first.

Whatsgoingonherethenagain · 16/04/2025 16:36

Oh hell no. She should do it.

i only had one. I worked full time though.

but taking an annual leave day when dc was in nursery saved my sanity more than once. Unless family are stepping up with regular childcare they can butt out.

do it. I’d also argue it’ll be really beneficial for twins as they will learn about socialising outside their “twinship”. Can she say her hv has suggested it as they need to learn to play with other children and not just each other?

also get a cleaner, gardener, and anything else she can afford.

Original poster
Chocstrawberry1 · 16/04/2025 16:34

EzraJones · 16/04/2025 16:31

DO IT. Those family relations have no right to tell her what to do.
The DH's opinion seems curiously missing in the OP though...

Sorry I forgot to add this.

Shes spoken to her DH and he said ideally he wanted to wait until they were 2 so they could speak abit better but he’s seen her mental health deteriorate so he’s said he’s happy whatever she decides to do.

OP posts:
Yellowtracktor · 16/04/2025 16:34

I don't understand. Do you think anyone who puts their kids into nursery is being unreasonable? It doesn't matter if it's twins or not, of course it's fine, millions of women do it every day.

EzraJones · 16/04/2025 16:31

DO IT. Those family relations have no right to tell her what to do.
The DH's opinion seems curiously missing in the OP though...

Ilovecakey · 16/04/2025 16:29

I don't think it's unreasonable. I have twins myself and it's a lot! Especially with no help. Although mine aren't in nursery but I do want to put them in just nowhere has space.