Getting judged for wanting to put twins into nursery

Are the family members willing to look after the kids instead? If not, they have no right to an opinion. I can understand her concern as they are quite young, but if she waits until about 16/18 months they'll probably really enjoy it and they'll also have each other. Tell her to visit some places so she can get a feel for the different ones and so she can see if they'll suit

I don't think anyone waits until their dcs are school aged these days, sahm or not. DCs get nursery hours from age 3 (and maybe earlier these days) so no need to wait that long.

I have 2 dcs but not twins, and they each started pt nursery aged 2.5, which was the age I felt most comfortable with, because they were very verbal and talking in sentences by that age, and fully toilet trained and independent. I'm a sahm and if I wanted childcare at an earlier age I would have opted for a nanny, as it would give them the benefit of one to one care (well not for twins, but it would be what they are used to at home) and they could take them to a wider range of activities like toddler classes and soft plays. What other forms of childcare has she considered apart from a nursery?

Please tell your friend she's an absolute HERO! Being a SAHM is rewarding but not easy especially with twins. Putting them in nursery will be great for them and will give her the break she needs for her mental health. She can use those days to rest,do a hobby etc. With regards to what her family says she should simply ignore them or have boundaries to politely shut it down. For her inlaws it would be even better if her DH can stand up to them to shut down their unnecessary comments. There is no award for being a mum martyr, she's wearing the shoe and knows where it hurts most.

I think your friend should do what is best for her . She can’t continue if she is so overwhelmed. It will probably open up a whole new world for the twins and they can mix with other children instead of relying on each other. I would tell her to do it.

She should get them in ASAP.

Does she want to be a SAHM? Or is she only doing it for cultural reasons? She should get herself back to work if that's what she wants too.

My twins were yeeted into nursery ASAP. 😂

Poor woman. When you're a mum you get judged whatever you do. My twins went to nursery 4 days a week at 9 months old as it was the only way I could keep my career and I had no family help. Reassure her there's no right and wrong. There's only what's right for her. I'm glad her husband is supportive too. Twins is a lot and it's not easy x

I am cheering your friend on and I don't even know her.
If her husband has so many opinions on the matter he can sit at home and not work. Let your friend get out there, use her skills, earn some money and get some stimulation.

She won't regret it and it sounds like she really needs it.

My in laws are of south Asian heritage and although they weren’t open about it I could tell they were a bit miffed that I put my child in to nursery, I could tell it wasn’t ‘the norm’ - the older culture wouldn’t ever trust children in a nursery and would prefer them to be at home with mothers etc. However, as I am the child’s mother, working part time with the majority of parenting being left to myself, I also decided to put my child in nursery… now all of a sudden it’s okay and my SIL has put her child in to nursery as well and they couldn’t say anything better about it! I would do it, for her own sanity

Being a mum of twins and from Asian background I can get the pressure to do what generations have done before. But those family members would of got help as they mostly lived as a family unit with generations under one roof. It's easy for them to critise but she has to think about what's best for her family unit. She has to realise people will always talk and critise parenting techniques. She just needs to block it all out and do what she feels works. Definitely put them in nursery . Maybe start with couple of half days and see how she feels

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The options are more than just (1) nursery and (2) staying at home with the children and never seeing anyone. No wonder she's depressed if she's been trying #2! Obviously socialising with young kids isn't easy but it sounds like she hasn't even been attempting it.

She should do what she feels would be right for her. ONE child is full on and relentless, two can be gruelling. My mum said when my DSis and I started crawling it became a nightmare as we'd both crawl off in different directions towards different hazards like the stairs or the open back door (it was the seventies...) and she had to decide quickly which baby was in greatest peril.

Sod it, if your friend feels three nursery days is even better, I'd say go for it. Whatever works for her, nursery is not like jail time. It would be good for the babies' development as well as her overall wellbeing.

Twins in our family settled really fast and well. Enjoyed nursery very much.

I wonder if these judgemental relatives are helping out with childcare and housework or if they’re just being twats from afar. I can’t imagine how hard mothering twins must be.

If her family are so judgmental, perhaps they could offer to step up and help her? Surely if they think nursery is so awful (it’s not) they could take the babies for two days a week? Of course she isn’t being unreasonable. Poor woman, I feel for her.

She should do whatever she likes with her own children and tell anyone who has an opinion on her choices to fuck off.

definitely ok! Her twins will be happier with a happier mum. Top tip - she doesn’t have to tell the interfering relations?

She’s not at all unreasonable and this would be good for her and good for the twins.

anyone judging is an arsehole who should be ignored.

Hell I put my twins with a childminder one day a week from 9 months just so I could sleep.

twins is bloody hard work and you need a break.

My mother was forced to stay at home when my sister was young and my sister is forever scarred by having had a depressed mother. She went out to work when I was young and I missed her but am not scarred

Do it. I'm a twin mum and my husband worked full time. I had no family help. It was really tough. I put them.in nursery half a day twice a week and it made a big difference to me.
I really feel for your friend. I found that with twins, everyone seems to be an expert. She needs to do what's best for her and the twins. Ignore everyone else.

I had my twins with a childminder one day a week at 1. They were relentless and I needed the break.

At 2 they were going 2 days a week - they both went on a Wednesday and then one each went Tuesday and Thursday to give me time with one of them as they were at very different developmental stages due to one having a disability.

She absolutely should do what is right for her and she should ignore anyone moaning at her. With twins (actually any babies, but more with twins) the world and its wife always has an opinion, but they ain't living it!

She is obviously not being unreasonable.

Those criticising her should try walking a mile in her shoes.