Anyone else get annoyed by… the question.. doesn’t your husband mind ?

Had my hair coloured recently - nothing drastic. DM's first comment was 'well I hope your DH likes it'.

However DH went on a lads weekend a few weeks ago, and she was also perplexed about that....not that DH was away without me, but that I hadn't been invited! There's a clue in the description mum.....

I was asked it when buying bright pink front door paint? Like I had to get his permission. It's paint, I think he'll cope.

My MIL would have been terrible for this if we'd had kids. She doesn't believe in men being able to do anything domestic or traditionally seen as a woman's domain, so heaven forbid I'd have gone off for a week's hobby break by myself (as I do every year) leaving 'poor' DH at home with the kids! 😂In reality he'd have managed fine, just like he did when my DSD was a child.

Then you look confused and say '..yes. Looking after kids you chose to have is the role of a parent. You're right.'

If anyone ever asked me if my husband minded anything I do, I would laugh.

what is it with people (apparently mine and OP’s mum) who put men above the rest?
Oh but he will be tired after work to look after the children…we both work.
His sleep needs to be protected at all costs because he works…we both work.
He needs to eat more than that because he works…
He can’t take leave to look after an ill child!
He can’t be expected to cook dinner after a busy day…

And so on.
Is it a brainwashed generational thing or is it that there is an element of trying to sabotage an adult daughter’s life improving and overall equality? I know my nanny would have a sharp intake of breath but you’d think mums would actively encourage women going out and having a break. Or maybe my mum just enjoys pissing on my chips! And yes, I can’t do anything right in her eyes.

Absolutely! I wouldn't even be with someone who 'minded' me having my own life. I can't fathom people who think they have to be joined at the hip to their partner, I think I'd spontaneously combust.

Oh god yes. I went away with friends when our youngest was 4 and all I got was is your husband babysitting for you. No their father is looking after them the way I look after them every day.

Murder is never acceptable!

The only answer is to look puzzled and say ‘why would he?’

I feel the same that my mother wants to see me struggle. It’s probably resentment for having to do nearly everything, not have a lot of spare cash and then having to check with their husbands before going out. Similarly, getting a cleaner for example, would irk my mother something terrible as she had to do everything and why shouldn’t I?

I'm sorry your mother asks such ridiculous questions. I wouldn't give it a second thought. Just say something like "Of course he doesn't mind!" with a puzzled expression on your face.

BTW that’s not an aggressive answer.

No Mum, because not a lazy controlling cunt.
^ that would be more aggressive (and more my style)

The only time that it seems a fair enough question is when you’re talking about your fuck buddy, other than that, we wouldn’t be married if he minded me having a life!

The only reason DH and I ask each other is to make sure the other doesn't already have plans fotlr childcare reasons. We aren't really asking permission but it may seem like it to others I suppose.
However he of course doesn't 'mind' when I go out! I feel sad for couples where one of them is controlling over the other. DH has a friend whose wife doesn't 'let' him do particular things.

I don’t mention doing much by myself now to actively avoid the pearl clutching from my mother about whether my DH will cope or whether he is okay with it.
I think that these comments come from those whose husbands didn’t look after their kids independently or had zero patience beyond 30 mins of entertainment. Consequently those partners ended up being martyrs and doing everything and it’s just a projection of their own opinions really.
I will go back to work for a few days to keep in touch and DH will have some quality time with baby. We’ll help him, say my parents.
Praise for doing the bare minimum also boils my blood 😂

It doesn't bother me. I assume that in similar situations people would ask my husband, "Does your wife mind?" If we wanted to be completely unaccountable to one another we wouldn't have bothered getting married.

Yes. So annoying. Also 'is your husband good at helping at home'...yes, given we both work full time, I'd fucking hope so.

I've honestly never been asked it. My mum definitely wouldn't ask, she went on holiday with a friend when I was about nine and my siblings were seven and three, and my dad looked after us for a week - I don't know if anyone asked her whether he minded! (He didn't, they had a pretty equal partnership when it came to childcare).

I would look confused and say ‘are you implying that he has control over what I do?!’

I don’t answer questions like these. I just don’t think there is a perfect response other than no response. Anything you say can get twisted in their minds but silence leaves them with just their intent behind asking it. My responses range from silence to distracting them with a question about themselves (usually if people ask these type of questions, they also love to talk about themselves!) or “I must pop to the loo”.