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Original poster

No show for bday celebration

158 replies

Testingmypatience1 · 16/04/2025 13:28

I need to know if I am being unreasonable.

I was 40 last weekend. I had a drinks party followed by a relaxed sit down meal ( bowl foods) and invited 35/40 friends. Everyone turned up (and it was a great night) but one person.
This one person has been a friend of mine for 15 years or so.

She didn’t message me to say she wasn’t coming on the night, she just didn’t turn up. I haven’t heard from her since either. I am pretty gutted. And hurt.

Fast forward to this Easter weekend, she has her own party, an annual thing she hosts.

She still hasn’t contacted me, so I got in contact with her to check she was okay, and to say I was upset that she didn’t come for my birthday. She basically gave a half arsed apology saying she was too busy and had so much going on. A non apology really.

I don’t know whether to go on Saturday or am I being petty?

Her reply has made me feel worse somehow. Like her life is far too important to fit me in… and I am reevaluating the friendship now. wwyd?

OP posts:
Katrinawaves · 16/04/2025 13:58

id be inclined to message her again and say “Sarah, you didn’t turn up for a pre-catered sit down meal for my 40th birthday with no message in advance. Whether you meant it or not that’s quite a public snub and statement. What was really going on here?” and see how she responds. She may genuinely have thought that her absence wouldn’t be noticed or matter to you and when she knows that it did, you might get a more heartfelt apology

PassingStranger · 16/04/2025 13:58

Dosent sound like much of a friend, if she didn't even bother to wish you happy birthday or tell.you she couldn't make the party.

arcticpandas · 16/04/2025 13:55

I wouldn't go to her do since she wasn't even regretful about ditching yours. She doesn't sound like a friend at all. I hate parties but I make an effort and if I can't come I let the person know in advance. It's called basic manners.

MakeItToTheMoon · 16/04/2025 13:53

How has your friend treated you in the past? If it’s a one off incidence I may be inclined to forgive and forget… if it’s a pattern of behaviour then it may be a good idea to step back in the friendship. I would still go and sit back and assess her behaviour with you. You still can have fun with other friends.

Did she get you a present for your birthday? Or even call/ message happy birthday on the actual day?

Original poster
Testingmypatience1 · 16/04/2025 13:42

I don’t think eating twice as much is going to make me feel that much better tbh 🤣

It was my 40th bday. Surely you rock for a milestone bday? and to not even message is just rude. In my opinion.

OP posts:
GCAcademic · 16/04/2025 13:37

Go to her party and make sure to eat and drink twice as much as you normally would to make up for her no show.

Original poster
Testingmypatience1 · 16/04/2025 13:33

The food was paid for yes, it wasn’t very expensive as it was bowl food.

I feel disrespected. A party is not more important than my feelings, well not to me anyway!

OP posts:
DenholmElliot11 · 16/04/2025 13:32

Did you cater for her? So you paid for her meal and she just didn't show up?

If so i'd be quite annoyed.

If not, I'd go on Saturday. Yeah she was less than polite but I love a party myself. Especially when I'm not the one organising it. Go.