No show for bday celebration

I ask for 'just a coffee' and am by no means elderly, It's what I want - a straightforward coffee, not some skinny-iced-frappuccino-latte with oat milk and fifteen syrups nonsense.

@Katrinawaves I don’t know what it is either. I know what Buddha bowls are when I order them in restaurants, they can be delicious. But not “bowl food” - is that a buffet type deal?

@Testingmypatience1 - you had a celebration with 35 or more of your friends. One didn’t make it, which is an extremely low no-show rate. I would let it go.

If you’re feeling resentful, don’t go to your friend’s event. If you can move past it, go and have a great time.

What a weird (and totally irrelevant) post! Have you not been out socially much in the last 10 years @MasterBeth ? You are coming across like an elderly person who insists on asking for “just a coffee” in Starbucks.

Bowl food at a party is hardly an alien or new concept!

So 40 people showed and yet your spending time on the one person who couldn’t even send you a No thanks to the invite

Return the favour. "Can't wait to see you Saturday". Then just don't attend. Don't message. Nothing. Radio silence.

I love a bowl food party!

I’d go and be ready to be polite but breezy and non-commitsl. Party manners, rather than old friend intimacy behaviour. But I’m quite good at formal manners.

I’d use her party as a way of just seeking out what I could about her attitude to me and go from there.

She may really have been very tired and peopled out. I can be pretty gregarious but my job is intense and sometimes I need to stay at home and stare at the wall.

I always think these sorts of situations are better dealt with in person or at least a phone call. That way you can get an idea of if there was anything else going on for her (like some stress you don't know about?) or if she just really didn't care enough to show up

Haha! Nice try, but I have plenty of reliable friends who engage in a bit of common courtesy when they can’t attend something. You might be quite happy for people to treat you with disdain so you maintain them as a “friend”; that’s obviously a matter for you.

The OP should concentrate on the 34-39 others who did attend and who’re worth her time.

And this, ladies and gentlemen, is who so many Mners post about having no friends and being chronically lonely.

I wouldn’t go, and I wouldn’t confirm in advance that I wasn’t going. Because, after all, you’re busy and have a lot going on.

This is really crap of her

Also, MN is full of possible excuses that someone might have. When did everybody lose their ability to use their words? Why can't they just "say sorry, I was having a hard time and I forgot" if there was some kind of crisis on. And yes, I have been there and yes, I did use my words.

I haven't actually forgotten that something was on but I have had to apologise in advance for being unable to go due to a range of family crises or health problems of my own.

And after saying that, they should apologise.

@Testingmypatience1 has she actually specifically invited you to this Easter gathering?

To be honest, I wouldn't go either way. But given her behaviour, if you haven't had an invitation, I wouldn't assume you've been invited.

Hot chicken AND salad? In a bowl? Or in two bowls? Does everyone have their own bowl? Who made the bowl food? You or a bowl food place? Are there bowl food places?

I still don’t understand what ‘bowl food’ is.

Rather than thinking about the 35/40 people who did come out for your birthday you are concentrating on this one person. Did she invite you to her Easter party, or are you assuming an invitation?

I don't think you should go and raise this at her event because this then makes you look like the bad guy. I would message her and say you were upset by her failure to attend your birthday, you won't be coming to hers because you don't want there to be tension and perhaps the two of you could meet for coffee after Easter to resolve the issue? Her response will tell you all you need to know.

Even ruder to simply not turn up with no warning and no explanation or apology….oh wait…

This is a really good approach!

Well I would stop showing up and take a step back from this friendship. This doesn’t sound like a balanced friendship to me. She can ‘expect’ all she likes, doesn’t mean she’s going to get it in future. She sounds rude and inconsiderate to me.

I think I would spend my time focussing on the other 35/40 friends you have and not worry about the odd one here and there that for whatever reason loses interest.

If you invite so many people to a do the probability at least one of them will not turn up due to unforeseen circumstances is pretty high,

Can you not take the moral high ground? Go to her party, be the life and soul. Don't so much as mention the fact that she didn't bother to turn up to yours. Any mutual friends who were at your party and noticed her absence will note your appearance and happiness at hers and will quietly compare and contrast. There's no point in blowing out the entire friendship, which is what will happen if you tit-for-tat don't go. Plus, it's a party. Would you have gone if she'd sent her apologies for missing your birthday? Just go and enjoy. But remember her behaviour...

Sounds like you've got plenty of friends/family that you don't need crap ones too. I'd happily offload if it were me

If I was in your shoes the lack of caring for my feelings from a friend would be either the end or the beginning of the end for my relationship with that person. I can absolutely understand why you would be hurt and feel disrespected.

It isn't just that she didn't turn up, it's the way she handled it

You are being massively over sensitive. I wouldn’t give it a second thought. Stuff happens. You’re 40 not 14.

I'd just let it go TBH, she might have had something important going on and just forgot (i routinely forget birthdays unless reminded!).
Or not.....apparently you have 34/39 other friends who rocked up for your birthday so no big loss!