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Original poster

No show for bday celebration

158 replies

Testingmypatience1 · 16/04/2025 13:28

I need to know if I am being unreasonable.

I was 40 last weekend. I had a drinks party followed by a relaxed sit down meal ( bowl foods) and invited 35/40 friends. Everyone turned up (and it was a great night) but one person.
This one person has been a friend of mine for 15 years or so.

She didn’t message me to say she wasn’t coming on the night, she just didn’t turn up. I haven’t heard from her since either. I am pretty gutted. And hurt.

Fast forward to this Easter weekend, she has her own party, an annual thing she hosts.

She still hasn’t contacted me, so I got in contact with her to check she was okay, and to say I was upset that she didn’t come for my birthday. She basically gave a half arsed apology saying she was too busy and had so much going on. A non apology really.

I don’t know whether to go on Saturday or am I being petty?

Her reply has made me feel worse somehow. Like her life is far too important to fit me in… and I am reevaluating the friendship now. wwyd?

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page
pandp · 25/04/2025 10:46

Sounds like she always wants to be the centre of attraction and clearly wouldn't be at your birthday celebration. You should decide whether or not you value her friendship enough to continue seeing her.

Original poster
Testingmypatience1 · 21/04/2025 19:48

I haven’t heard from her, and I am relieved and hope it stays that way! We have had a great weekend with no drama or stress whatsoever.

OP posts:
LightCameraBitchSmile · 21/04/2025 13:03

Has she messaged you about you not going to her party? I wonder if you’ll ever hear from here again or this will just drift now

Original poster
Testingmypatience1 · 21/04/2025 07:48

NigellaWannabe1 · 21/04/2025 07:27

Could she have forgotten? I once missed the birthday celebration of a much loved friend of mine, also her 40th. I don’t even know how i could possibly have forgotten it, but that’s genuinely what happened. My friend texted me later and I was absolutely mortified, I owned up to it but it felt so rude. Maybe your friend forgot too and she knows it’s very bad, and lied about it, and now the whole dinámica are messed up?

Saying you are too busy is not a lie I would have chosen if I had forgotten to attend. I don’t think I would have added a dismissive tone either to further cause offence. I think I would have apologised in full and tried to make it up to said friend.

Had I even received a full apology that would have been more than enough, life happens. But I didn’t, she compounded the injury by appearing to care very little and continued to talk about herself as if I didn’t matter.

OP posts:
NigellaWannabe1 · 21/04/2025 07:27

Could she have forgotten? I once missed the birthday celebration of a much loved friend of mine, also her 40th. I don’t even know how i could possibly have forgotten it, but that’s genuinely what happened. My friend texted me later and I was absolutely mortified, I owned up to it but it felt so rude. Maybe your friend forgot too and she knows it’s very bad, and lied about it, and now the whole dinámica are messed up?

ellyeth · 20/04/2025 20:25

No good wishes or birthday card, no apology, either in advance of or after the party. That is pretty rude and unkind, in my opinion.

I think I could just about deal with it if it was just a one-off. But you suggest that she is self-centred and has form for this sort of insensitive behaviour.

If you like parties (I do), then you may still wish to go. But just take a bottle of plonk and, in future, treat her in the same dismissive way that she has treated you.

Original poster
Testingmypatience1 · 20/04/2025 18:03

I am English not Russian! And here we celebrate big birthdays, with some enthusiasm if we care enough for the person that is.

OP posts:
Sacrament499 · 20/04/2025 14:58

Testingmypatience1 · 16/04/2025 14:08

No she didn’t. Not a word.

Show quote history

In some cultures they do not celebrate 40th birthday, this brings bad luck.
I know this because I recently congratulated a Russian friend with his birthday, he turned 40. He reminded me that 40th birthday should not be celebrated.

thevoiceofreasoning · 20/04/2025 11:03

Good for you Op! Sorry you’ve had to deal with this but concentrate on your other friends and don’t let her get under your skin. We all have to deal with users at some point in our lives, the important thing is to recognise that the friendship had some mutual benefits at one point but now it’s time to move on. Not everyone ends up a life long friend… you are moving into a new season so enjoy! Make sure you do something fun today and don’t mope! Happy Easter x

Original poster
Testingmypatience1 · 20/04/2025 06:43

I am sorry this has happened to other pp. it’s not fun when you realise you have invested a lot of time and energy into a vacuous relationship.

I am not going to the party, and I have no real intention of seeing her again unless we happen to be passing.

For me, the friendship is over. Not because she didn’t come to the party, but because she didn’t care enough to even let me know and when I followed up with her the excuse was she was too busy to show up for me.

She isn’t a friend, she is a user. She doesn’t want real friends that require effort and care, she wants cheerleaders and guaranteed padding for her own events. I have better friends I would rather see tbh.

OP posts:
Miaminmoo · 20/04/2025 03:35

She’s no friend, stop chasing her and there’s no way I’d go to her party. I had a friend like this and when I finally cut her loose (a year later than I should have done) I didn’t miss her at all because everything was always about her - I’d supported her through a messy divorce and she couldn’t even be arsed to reply about my wedding (which was about a year later) I realised it was never allowed to be about me and I’ve never looked back.

Rockchicknana · 19/04/2025 22:18

I had a friend just like that. We'd known each other since we were 17 and she'd even lived with us for 6 months at one point. Didn't show up for my 50th birthday party and when I called to ask where they were, thinking they'd got held up, she just replied 'oh sorry, were busy today'. Two weeks later we went to her 50th, bought fairly expensive gift as it was a 'big' birthday - cursory thanks, gift put to one side unopened, no apology for missing mine and no gift, so obviously had never intended coming. The friendship didn't last very long after that. Took me a long time to realise she was a user.

RachelBerry03 · 19/04/2025 21:06

I really don’t understand why you’re bothering with this person. This is not how a friend behaves. She sounds thoughtless and self centred to me. You had a lovely party for your milestone birthday which everyone apart from her turned up to, yet you’re more focused on her not being there than on all the genuine friends who came to celebrate with you. Why would you want to spend your valuable time with her at her events when you could spend your time with people who make you feel good about yourself? 🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️

thevoiceofreasoning · 19/04/2025 19:51

You’ve got 35/39 other friends … I’d ditch this one! 🤣
She doesn’t respect you or your feelings.
She’s a crap friend

exnavy · 19/04/2025 19:48

I would go if I were you to prove your not .Maybe there is somthin going on or someone has been playing Dark polatics .Go be nice and not hurt .see what comes out if anything .maybe something is going on in here life she cant or wont talk about for Now

rainbowpainting · 19/04/2025 18:25

just go to the party and gather with other people. Wait and see the friendship — you don’t urge an answer

Justaspy · 19/04/2025 18:10

Bin her off and save yourself, the crazy is bubbling up in her.

eastegg · 18/04/2025 15:58

grumpygrape · 18/04/2025 09:38

Perhaps check the original post ?

‘I was 40 last weekend.’

‘She didn’t message me to say she wasn’t coming on the night, she just didn’t turn up. I haven’t heard from her since either.’

‘She still hasn’t contacted me, so I got in contact with her to check she was okay,’

Show quote history

Yes I know. The party was last weekend. OP’s first post was Wednesday, by which time she had already got in touch with the no show and had a conversation with them.

I don’t really see the point therefore of your first comment, saying you would have got in touch the next day. So what if it was the very next day or very soon after that? She gave the no show a short opportunity and then got on with contacting them, pretty proactive in most people’s books I would have thought.

Facescar77 · 18/04/2025 13:07

I would call it quits too OP. She didn't even wish you a happy birthday. I'd be hurt of her being dismissive too. Friendships are a two way street. Sadly I did find out during a bereavement how little real friends I actually have. I had a few sorry for your loss texts but then nothing else. No check ins, no visits. Cut the dead wood from your life, we only need people who lift us, not beat you down! Happy birthday OP

grumpygrape · 18/04/2025 09:38

eastegg · 17/04/2025 23:50

That is exactly what the OP has done - it says so in the OP. I was immediately impressed that instead of sitting around waiting she had got on and got in touch rather than just coming to MN. And yet here you are calling her out for not doing it!

Show quote history

Perhaps check the original post ?

‘I was 40 last weekend.’

‘She didn’t message me to say she wasn’t coming on the night, she just didn’t turn up. I haven’t heard from her since either.’

‘She still hasn’t contacted me, so I got in contact with her to check she was okay,’

NotVeryFunny · 18/04/2025 01:36

Testingmypatience1 · 16/04/2025 13:42

I don’t think eating twice as much is going to make me feel that much better tbh 🤣

It was my 40th bday. Surely you rock for a milestone bday? and to not even message is just rude. In my opinion.

I no longer see someone who I thought was a good friend for doing something very very similar on (and after) my 40th. It ended the friendship for me.

OneFineDay13 · 18/04/2025 01:10

Laura5437 · 16/04/2025 14:45

You are being massively over sensitive. I wouldn’t give it a second thought. Stuff happens. You’re 40 not 14.

Wow how rude are you fs!

OneFineDay13 · 18/04/2025 01:09

DenholmElliot11 · 16/04/2025 14:33

It would be really rude to pull out of an Easter Saturday party at this late stage so yes, I think you should go.

Em pot kettle black 🤣 did you read the actual thread

AussieMum135 · 18/04/2025 00:50

Good on you OP for realising your own worth. Sounds like you so called 'friend' suffers from a major case of Main Character Syndrome. Your energy and time is much better spent elsewhere.

eastegg · 17/04/2025 23:50

grumpygrape · 16/04/2025 14:06

If a friend of mine didn’t turn up for my birthday celebration I would have been on the phone the next day asking if she was OK. But then, I‘m a dinosaur who thinks, phone, before, passive aggressive, wait for a text.

Go to her party and see how things pan out.

Edited

That is exactly what the OP has done - it says so in the OP. I was immediately impressed that instead of sitting around waiting she had got on and got in touch rather than just coming to MN. And yet here you are calling her out for not doing it!