Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Meeting future in-laws

37 replies

letswame · 16/04/2025 12:05

I will be meeting my future in-laws very soon. I’m excited but also quite nervous. They only speak German and I only speak English. I think I can manage that situation but any ideas and ways to manage this would be welcomed. Also, any suggestions for what sort of gift I can take them? They are in their 80’s.
thank you in advance:-)

OP posts:
Amiable · 16/04/2025 13:57

My ex is German and his mum speaks no English, so been here! Anything like English tea, biscuits, jams always goes down well (brownie point if it’s M&S!!). I agree they may seem quite reserved initially, a few words of German is a great idea.

Saltedcarameltiramisucheesecake · 16/04/2025 13:50

Ablondiebutagoody · 16/04/2025 13:29

Don't mention the war 🤫

Oh you are bad!

Original poster
letswame · 16/04/2025 13:49

And learn some phrases!

OP posts:
Original poster
letswame · 16/04/2025 13:49

the wrapping is a brilliant idea! I never wrap gifts but I will do for them

OP posts:
Original poster
letswame · 16/04/2025 13:48

This is really helpful! Thank you! I could ask my partner but I want him to see that I am making an effort on my own accord. He is super lovely to my family and never asks me what he should do for them…he just does it.

OP posts:
DenholmElliot11 · 16/04/2025 13:33

shortbread

Hoppinggreen · 16/04/2025 13:32

Ablondiebutagoody · 16/04/2025 13:29

Don't mention the war 🤫

Fucking hilarious, reported

BitOutOfPractice · 16/04/2025 13:32

In my similar experience (Dutch not German but I know the scenario), yes to a few words in German. And British cheese always went down very well and provided a talking point… (assuming you’re British?)

Good luck! It’ll be grand!

Ablondiebutagoody · 16/04/2025 13:29

Don't mention the war 🤫

Hoppinggreen · 16/04/2025 12:14

Ok, so DH is German and Austrian and I have German rellies of a similar age.
Everyone is different but a few pointers
Whatever you take it needs to be beautifully wrapped
They may not like anything flashy, think understated quality.
They may not come across as very warm
They may not be as smiley or animated as you are used to
They might be a bit formal
They will appreciate a few words of German, just Hello and Thank you etc
They may be a bit more direct than Brits (although I would imagine anyone translating for you might water it down). They tend to think that its Ok to say something if its true, facts aren't necessarily an insult they are just facts
These aren't stereotypes these are based on direct experiences, I have some lovely German/Austrian family - kind and generous BUT they might not come across as such if you are not used to the differences.

Basilandparsleyandmint · 16/04/2025 12:13

Could you possibly try and learn a few phrases in German before you go. I think it would be nice if you could say something to them.
Giftwise - do they have any particular interest that you could pick a gift for or maybe a bouquet of flowers.

Agix · 16/04/2025 12:11

You need to ask your partner what they'd like for gifts. We don't know them.