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AIBU?

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Original poster

Can I choose how my bridemaids have their hair?

382 replies

walliceandme · 16/04/2025 11:49

Genuine question, getting married and want my bridemaids to all have the same hair - all of their hair is long so it'll be easy but one has a thick fringe and would it be rude if I asked her to have a hairstyle that clips it back? I want them all to have their hair like this but unsure how it'll work with a full fringe? AIBU?

Can I choose how my bridemaids have their hair?
OP posts:
diddl · 16/04/2025 13:38

Is this a wind up or a reverse?

What don't you understand Op?

I have had long hair without a fringe & long hair with a fringe & I styled it in the same way.

Eta.
I think I've misunderstood.

You want the hair styles to be exactly the same?

So that no one has a fringe?

Or alternatively ask the others to wear a false fringe??

justasking111 · 16/04/2025 13:38

I know a woman like this. So controlling at the wedding. Then when pregnant. Fell out with all her family who got fed up.

Now she's fallen out with the very wealthy in-laws big style who incidentally own the very nice house in a very posh part of London that she, husband and children enjoy. The entitlement is off the scale.

DaisyChain505 · 16/04/2025 13:38

This would be a total bridezilla request of you. Stop being so controlling and relax.

Nelly91 · 16/04/2025 13:37

I don’t think that’s appropriate

PooksBear · 16/04/2025 13:36

walliceandme · 16/04/2025 11:49

Genuine question, getting married and want my bridemaids to all have the same hair - all of their hair is long so it'll be easy but one has a thick fringe and would it be rude if I asked her to have a hairstyle that clips it back? I want them all to have their hair like this but unsure how it'll work with a full fringe? AIBU?

I paid at great expense, for my sister in law to be to have her hair styled. She didnt like it and washed it before the wedding! Silly cow! So then her hair looked worse, so be careful what you wish for!!!!

Pandimoanymum · 16/04/2025 13:33

Whatever happened to just asking the bridesmaids what they think? I don't understand why you wouldn't just do that first instead of asking a lot of randoms on the internet. They should get a say in how they have their hair, nobody wants to be forced to a style they don't like or doesn't suit them, especially when they want to look their best too.

Chick981 · 16/04/2025 13:33

Yes, YABVU. A friend asked me to grow my hair once for her wedding though so you’re not alone.

TheNinkyNonkyIsATardis · 16/04/2025 13:33

I don't think it's fair to ask them to make permanent changes to their appearance, and I don't think asking for a fringe to be clipped back is that bad.

However, presumably these people are your dear friends/family, not models hires for the day. In which case it would be kinder to take their views into account.

I let my bridesmaids choose different dresses and hairstyles because I thought the matchy matchy look was a bit naff on three very different women.

DriveMeCrazy1974 · 16/04/2025 13:32

walliceandme · 16/04/2025 11:59

No they are all having different dresses, some floral, some plain pastel. So there will be individuality. Just not sure what hairstyle would suit a very thick fringe

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Are you really that much of a control freak that you think your bridesmaids should all have exactly the same hairstyle? Seriously? They're wearing different dresses so why are you being so controlling about their hair?

outerspacepotato · 16/04/2025 13:29

Get dolls if you want them to look the same.

Yes, you're being very controlling and unreasonable.

MonaLisaDoesntSmile · 16/04/2025 13:29

walliceandme · 16/04/2025 11:59

No they are all having different dresses, some floral, some plain pastel. So there will be individuality. Just not sure what hairstyle would suit a very thick fringe

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Do you have a hairstylist that will be doing al ltheir hair or are they forking out themselves?
Becayse if it is the first one thr stylist will take care of it. Not sure why they would all need to have the same hairstyle anyways? Like with dresses not all hairstyles suit all people, she has the hairstyle she has because of reasons?

ChildrenOfTheQuorn · 16/04/2025 13:28

I have a thick fringe so I wouldn't be happy. It'd look silly with half a dozen pins holding it back and then sillier when random hairs breaking free.

elliejjtiny · 16/04/2025 13:26

No you can't do that. My bridesmaids all had little fabric flowers in the same colour as their dresses in their hair (after I checked they all liked them) but they all chose how they wore their hair.

LillyPJ · 16/04/2025 13:26

YABU. Bridesmaids are people - real individuals with their own ideas, personalities, faces and hairstyles. Surely, you don't choose them on the basis of their appearance? You control what they wear (and most of them will be happy to oblige) but I think that should be the limit.

Jumpingthruhoops · 16/04/2025 13:24

walliceandme · 16/04/2025 11:59

No they are all having different dresses, some floral, some plain pastel. So there will be individuality. Just not sure what hairstyle would suit a very thick fringe

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So, basically, you're saying that BMs hair already looks shit!? Ouch...

Mischance · 16/04/2025 13:23

This is all very OTT - maybe chill a bit?

Jane958 · 16/04/2025 13:23

Honest opinion - that style looks messy and untidy.
Your bridesmaids should have their hair styled so that it suits the shape their faces and their individual features.

TheCountofMountingCrispBags · 16/04/2025 13:22

walliceandme · 16/04/2025 11:59

No they are all having different dresses, some floral, some plain pastel. So there will be individuality. Just not sure what hairstyle would suit a very thick fringe

Show quote history

Why do you really want a cookie-cutter style for them?
Do you want them all to weigh the same?

Bepo77 · 16/04/2025 13:22

You’re overthinking

namechangeGOT · 16/04/2025 13:20

Why don’t you allow your adult friends, whose personalities I’m assuming you like that much you want them to be your bridesmaids the respect to choose their own hairstyles? Don’t strip them of their individuality.

TheCountofMountingCrispBags · 16/04/2025 13:18

Agix · 16/04/2025 11:51

That would look fine with a fringe. You should chill out a little.

But dahling, it will look odd on the 'gram.

Jumpingthruhoops · 16/04/2025 13:18

frontwoman001 · 16/04/2025 11:54

Okay, hair issued sorted now, I think? That style would look perfectly fine with a fringe.

Next order of business - uncle Benjamin has a big, thick mustache and we're serving soup. Would it be unreasonable of me to ask him to shave off his mustache for the day?

😂😂

Stravaig · 16/04/2025 13:18

No, you cannot police how another adult wears their hair, for any reason other than safety, and definitely not when they are doing you a favour by giving up their time to witness your wedding ceremony.

DoYouReally · 16/04/2025 13:16

Bridezillas need to realise their bridesmaids are people and not Barbie dolls or mannequins that they can dress up.

If you are paying for the hairdresser, you can have the styling whatever way you want but this fringes, haircolour, lenght nonsense that some brides go on with is ridiculous, self indulgent nonsense.

You don't have the maturity to get married if this is a serious question.

Philandbill · 16/04/2025 13:15

You are definitely being unreasonable. My friends and I (when we were in the phase of our life when there were lots of weddings) used to say that some weddings were a bit "bridesmaids' knickers". It was shorthand for a joke about saying that the bride had insisted that the colour of the bridesmaids' knickers matched the colour of the table napkins. "Bridesmaids' knickers" was not a complimentary thing to say about a wedding...

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