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Original poster

Can I choose how my bridemaids have their hair?

382 replies

walliceandme · 16/04/2025 11:49

Genuine question, getting married and want my bridemaids to all have the same hair - all of their hair is long so it'll be easy but one has a thick fringe and would it be rude if I asked her to have a hairstyle that clips it back? I want them all to have their hair like this but unsure how it'll work with a full fringe? AIBU?

Can I choose how my bridemaids have their hair?
OP posts:
aspidernamedfluffy · 16/04/2025 15:32

Just not sure what hairstyle would suit a very thick fringe

My guess would be the style she has now.

Herewegoagain84 · 16/04/2025 15:12

Do you want them to appear as your identical minions for the day?! seriously wtf - why on earth do they need matching hair? Not only will it look really odd, it also seems like you don’t give a shit who they are as people - just there for your show. Gross.

Youremylobster86 · 16/04/2025 15:10

I don't understand why you think a pinned back full fringe, which would probably stick out/fall out during the day, would look better than it being down as normal?

Neemie · 16/04/2025 15:10

If you want the topic of conversation at your wedding (and for a while after) to be your controlling behaviour, then go for it

interestedwhy · 16/04/2025 14:59

I had a very thick fringe until I got old and it went grey so I grew it out ! You are over thinking this one - that hair will look good on someone with a fringe especially if their hair is thick

Funnywonder · 16/04/2025 14:56

Just not sure what hairstyle would suit a very thick fringe

I really don’t think that’s your concern OP. I’m sure your bridesmaid will figure it out for herself.

TeaRoseTallulah · 16/04/2025 14:49

Fletchasketch · 16/04/2025 12:26

I feel like nowadays people tend to treat weddings as a very expensive photo shoot and it does make me sad. Nothing wrong with wanting to look nice of course, but I hope that when my time comes I'm more focussed on everyone having a good time than us all looking like we've stepped out of a glossy magazine.

This x100!!

She has a fringe because she likes it,it would be very rude and unnecessary to ask her to pin it back, it would also look silly.

user2848502016 · 16/04/2025 14:42

Yes it would be rude! You can specify a style like loose bun etc but have to accept it will look different on different hair types! Also are you banning haircuts before your wedding? Because that would be unreasonable too

Christwosheds · 16/04/2025 14:40

HundredPercentUnsure · 16/04/2025 11:55

Agree.

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Also agree. I’ve never heard of anyone dictating how their bridesmaids must have the exact same hairstyle. They are women not dolls.

Wanderergirl · 16/04/2025 14:40

Hotmess101 · 16/04/2025 14:35

With pic this time

If a said friend is this skinny and has a defined jawline, this might look good irl. Otherwise she will probably look like a potato with giant hairdo. These sort of styles don't deliver itself that well irl unfortunately.

Stravaig · 16/04/2025 14:39

I'd like to see photo-free weddings, even gathering phones at the door.

That would cut out all the histrionics about what people wear, how things look, what social media says — and focus people on actually being present, in the moment, with their supposed loved ones, while they make a serious commitment.

Bonus domino devastation for the wedding industrial complex and marriage as an orgy of empty-headed over-consumption.

Katiesaidthat · 16/04/2025 14:38

I´d laugh at you for asking for this. My hair is fine and won´t keep styles that involve volume and curls and beachy whatever styles. You want borgs instead of your friends with their own idividuality. Chill out.

Hotmess101 · 16/04/2025 14:35

With pic this time

Can I choose how my bridemaids have their hair?
Hotmess101 · 16/04/2025 14:34

Looks fine with a fringe - in fact I think this kind of up do really lends itself to a fringe.

AlertCat · 16/04/2025 14:33

walliceandme · 16/04/2025 11:59

No they are all having different dresses, some floral, some plain pastel. So there will be individuality. Just not sure what hairstyle would suit a very thick fringe

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Let her choose!

I was bridesmaid once and the bride moaned to me a few days before the wedding that she’d asked the other bm when she had long hair, but that she had had it cropped short… and after being asked to be bm had revealed that she was pregnant- bride was of the opinion that this woman should have delayed ttc until after the wedding… but it’s super unreasonable to think you can dictate people’s lives to this extent. It’s one day!

Wanderergirl · 16/04/2025 14:33

ProudOtter · 16/04/2025 13:56

Everyone’s kicking off at the OP, but my bride is asking us all to have the same hairstyle by the hairstylist - and getting us to pay for it!!

Just say no?

canthavethatonethen · 16/04/2025 14:31

walliceandme · 16/04/2025 11:59

No they are all having different dresses, some floral, some plain pastel. So there will be individuality. Just not sure what hairstyle would suit a very thick fringe

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Ask the person the fringe belongs to?

Iamnotalemming · 16/04/2025 14:29

Step away from the fringe.

Jungfraujoch · 16/04/2025 14:28

Very odd request unless they’re all happy to do the same! Just ask them but be prepared for them to say no!

MoistVonL · 16/04/2025 14:27

You'd look like a Bridezilla wanting identical hairstyles when one has a fringe.

Flossflower · 16/04/2025 14:24

No, the same style does not suit everybody. I used to have a fringe because I had thick hair and it naturally fell forward from the crown. No amount of tying in back would have helped. My hair has thinned with age.

PinkArt · 16/04/2025 14:24

walliceandme · 16/04/2025 11:59

No they are all having different dresses, some floral, some plain pastel. So there will be individuality. Just not sure what hairstyle would suit a very thick fringe

Show quote history

This one would - it would look exactly like that, but with a fringe!
I've got and have had a heavy fringe for years. I'd feel really uncomfortable if I was asked to pin in back for a wedding. Partly I'd be thinking about how huge my forehead looked and how I wouldn't look like me but also I'd partly be disappointed that my friend wanted an army of identical fembot bridesmaids more than she wanted her friends to actually look like her friends.

Littleloopyears · 16/04/2025 14:24

It’s a bit far to ask them to clip their fringe back! People have fringes for various reasons and not just because of the ‘look’. I think it’s nice asking them to have similar styles but remember, just because they all have long hair the style won’t necessarily work for them. I’ve had long hair in the past and, whilst I had great length, I don’t have a lot and it’s super fine. The style just wouldn’t work with my hair 🤷🏼‍♀️

ttcat37 · 16/04/2025 14:23

You could ask but I wouldn’t have my hair done in a way I didn’t like. Expect her to be offended that you’ve asked her to pin back her shit fringe.

arcticpandas · 16/04/2025 14:22

@walliceandme OP you haven't responded to the most important and frequently asked question: Are you paying for their hairdresser? If yes, you can ask but not impose. If no then you're a CF.