Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Can I choose how my bridemaids have their hair?

382 replies

walliceandme · 16/04/2025 11:49

Genuine question, getting married and want my bridemaids to all have the same hair - all of their hair is long so it'll be easy but one has a thick fringe and would it be rude if I asked her to have a hairstyle that clips it back? I want them all to have their hair like this but unsure how it'll work with a full fringe? AIBU?

Can I choose how my bridemaids have their hair?
OP posts:
Swishytwip · 17/04/2025 18:49

Omg, thank you for the laugh! I tried to unalive myself today with a shoelace but the ridiculousness of this 'dilemma' has made me glad I didn't succeed!

Pennypupadventures · 17/04/2025 18:29

My daughter was a bridesmaid at my brother’s wedding. The brides mother insisted my daughter have a hair style totally unsuitable for her type of hair. It made my daughter unhappy and she hated the wedding photos.

Wtafdidido · 17/04/2025 11:22

Nobody likes a bridezilla.

Funnywonder · 17/04/2025 11:22

I wonder if anyone has ever come home from a wedding saying ‘You should’ve seen the state of those bridesmaids. With their different hairstyles. Shoddy planning all round. No class.’

AnotherHappyCamper · 17/04/2025 11:19

Yes and paradoxically it usually makes the photos look awful when all or most of the bridal party aren't happy and don't actually feel comfortable or confident.

VickyEadieofThigh · 17/04/2025 11:03

angelikacpickles · 16/04/2025 21:42

I'm sure your bridesmaid will be well able to choose a hairstyle she will be comfortable with.

Ridiculous to expect several grown women to wear their hair the exact same way.

Show quote history

The Bridezillas become especially agitated where the look of their wedding photos is concerned!

brettsalanger · 17/04/2025 09:37

This is one of the reasons no one actually wants to be a bridesmaids.

thepariscrimefiles · 17/04/2025 09:30

walliceandme · 16/04/2025 20:53

Yes I will be paying for it. We are also getting married in Italy, in July, so it'll be very hot so want them to be as comfortable as they can be

Show quote history

Your bridesmaid has a thick fringe because that is how she prefers to have her hair. She would probably feel uncomfortable having it clipped back.

You are not suggesting this for her comfort but for your own.

Movinghouseatlast · 17/04/2025 09:26

You cannot ask someone to clip back their 'thick' fringe, no. That hairstyle would work with a fringe, wouldn't it?

Why have different dresses but the same hair? That's a bit odd.

DaisyChain505 · 17/04/2025 08:37

walliceandme · 16/04/2025 20:53

Yes I will be paying for it. We are also getting married in Italy, in July, so it'll be very hot so want them to be as comfortable as they can be

Show quote history

Wanting people to be as comfortable as can be is letting them have control over how they want their hair. What if your bridesmaids aren’t comfortable having their hair up especially someone with a fringe.

You may think that having control over all of these little details is vital but it really isn’t. Remember what’s important about the day.

SpookyMcTaggart · 17/04/2025 04:14

Yes it would be rude, weird and controlling. And what the hell is wrong with a fringe? If I was one of your bridesmaids, I'd tell you to forget the whole thing.

jellyfishperiwinkle · 17/04/2025 04:10

Why do they all have to have the same hair? @walliceandme Are they little kids or grown women? Let them all do what they want with their hair, as they aren't having matching dresses anyway.

Philandbill · 17/04/2025 03:35

walliceandme · 16/04/2025 20:53

Yes I will be paying for it. We are also getting married in Italy, in July, so it'll be very hot so want them to be as comfortable as they can be

Show quote history

So they are paying £££ for a trip to Italy and presumably using up precious holiday leave days to attend your wedding? You've got some kind friends there.

TaggieO · 16/04/2025 22:41

This is one of those things where you will look back in a few years and be SO embarrassed.

ForPlumReader · 16/04/2025 22:40

Dictate hairstyles, do people really do that? Glad I'm not your bridesmaid.

ForPlumReader · 16/04/2025 22:40

Dictate hairstyles, do people really do that? Glad I'm not your bridesmaid.

Topjoe19 · 16/04/2025 21:58

Have a word with yourself. You're being daft.

AnotherHappyCamper · 16/04/2025 21:58

It's a great way to make sure all your bridesmaids look out of sorts/not happy on the day and in the photos.

Tulippilut · 16/04/2025 21:50

I don’t think it’s unreasonable to want them t all have their hair the same - I chose the style for my bridesmaids - but I did have 2 bridesmaids who had full fringes and it didn’t occur to me to ask them to have their fringes clipped back so the front was the same. It might not work doing that, the way it would have to be pinned could look odd

angelikacpickles · 16/04/2025 21:42

walliceandme · 16/04/2025 20:53

Yes I will be paying for it. We are also getting married in Italy, in July, so it'll be very hot so want them to be as comfortable as they can be

Show quote history

I'm sure your bridesmaid will be well able to choose a hairstyle she will be comfortable with.

Ridiculous to expect several grown women to wear their hair the exact same way.

DrPrunesqualer · 16/04/2025 21:40

If you want your guests to be comfortable why not just do that then!

You know you are being unreasonable OP, that’s why you are here asking in the hope everyone agrees with you

They don’t YABVVU

Shakeyshakeyshake · 16/04/2025 21:00

walliceandme · 16/04/2025 20:53

Yes I will be paying for it. We are also getting married in Italy, in July, so it'll be very hot so want them to be as comfortable as they can be

Show quote history

I have long thick hair and a fringe.
I would say no to anyone asking me to pin it back and it wouldn’t be their business why. I have my own reasons.

Also my hair in that style lying on my neck in Italy in the heat wouldn’t be comfortable at all. I’d want it off my neck.

AnotherHappyCamper · 16/04/2025 20:59

Pinning a fringe back is going too far IMO. Suggesting a hairstyle (or general look) is fine, I think, but I'd still be inclined to let each woman have her hair done in the way she feels most comfortable. And pinning back a thick fringe would likely look rather odd and she would likely feel very self conscious. Surely you've seen plenty of up dos with fringes...it's not unusual by any means!

DappledThings · 16/04/2025 20:56

walliceandme · 16/04/2025 20:53

Yes I will be paying for it. We are also getting married in Italy, in July, so it'll be very hot so want them to be as comfortable as they can be

Show quote history

I'm pretty sure your friend is an adult who has taken her fringe to hot places before

namechangeGOT · 16/04/2025 20:56

walliceandme · 16/04/2025 20:53

Yes I will be paying for it. We are also getting married in Italy, in July, so it'll be very hot so want them to be as comfortable as they can be

Show quote history

Why don’t you let the adult woman with the fringe decide what hairstyle she’ll be most comfortable with? Being that it’s her head?