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AIBU?

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Original poster

Can I choose how my bridemaids have their hair?

382 replies

walliceandme · 16/04/2025 11:49

Genuine question, getting married and want my bridemaids to all have the same hair - all of their hair is long so it'll be easy but one has a thick fringe and would it be rude if I asked her to have a hairstyle that clips it back? I want them all to have their hair like this but unsure how it'll work with a full fringe? AIBU?

Can I choose how my bridemaids have their hair?
OP posts:
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SharpBlueLemur · 01/05/2025 14:28

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This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Bestfadeplans · 30/04/2025 21:14

There's no way I'd be clipping my fringe back. Would give me a headache for one. Its over the top to try to control someone's hair.

AutiAngst · 30/04/2025 21:08

You could ask. Politely. But you should also accept their answer, if it's "no", without trying to change their mind or make them feel bad.

Katie0909 · 21/04/2025 10:33

YABU yes. Most people with a fringe would feel very uncomfortable going out with it clipped back - I certainly would. Hair still looks good up with a fringe so just let the hairdresser style it with the fringe. Unless you want to upset your bridesmaid and risk her dropping out. Bear in mind that she's going to be centre stage and in many of the photos and that will undoubtedly bother her.

DiscoBeat · 20/04/2025 20:39

It didn't even occur to me to ask them to change their hair. They're not clones!

saraclara · 20/04/2025 20:38

Cynic17 · 16/04/2025 12:21

Sorry, OP, but what's wrong with them looking like themselves, rather than clones of each other?
You do know, don't you, that none of the guests will be saying "oh, the bridesmaids all have matching hair - isn't that marvellous?".

I'm thinking back to my DD's wedding, I couldn't even say what hairstyles the bridesmaids had. No-one cares. Not even the bride's mum!

PersonalBest · 20/04/2025 20:37

Bonkers in my view

Uptightmumma · 20/04/2025 20:23

CarpetKnees · 20/04/2025 20:12

Only normal in your limited circle.

Not normal in my world.
I've been to more weddings than I can remember and never seen bridesmaids that have been made to change their 'look' or style to look identikit to the other bridesmaids. They are friends who have been asked to support you, not props in some sort of display.

It's not just my opinion, we are on P15 now, and virtually every post has told the bride she is being ridiculous.

Show quote history

I think I’ve been to 40 plus weddings it’s always been the same. Brides have themes, colours charts, a look they want to get across. The bride of paying is in charge of the look she wants for her wedding. We’re in my post did I say they all looked the same? I chose the look I wanted and made sure is suited each bridesmaid and they were comfy and once the formal bit was over they could do what they liked out of 8 bridesmaids 6 stayed the way the were. The other 2 were teenagers

CarpetKnees · 20/04/2025 20:12

Uptightmumma · 20/04/2025 19:19

Wow what? I’ve also been a bridesmaid 7 times and this is always been the way? It’s normal

Show quote history

Only normal in your limited circle.

Not normal in my world.
I've been to more weddings than I can remember and never seen bridesmaids that have been made to change their 'look' or style to look identikit to the other bridesmaids. They are friends who have been asked to support you, not props in some sort of display.

It's not just my opinion, we are on P15 now, and virtually every post has told the bride she is being ridiculous.

Arran2024 · 20/04/2025 20:11

OP, in years to come you will practically have forgotten the wedding. Don't upset a friend over such a trivial issue.

Floatlikeafeather2 · 20/04/2025 19:42

If I was at a formal do, like a wedding, and I saw someone with their fringe obviously pinned back (and if it's a thick fringe it will be obvious, however you try to do it), I would think "Oh, how embarrassing! The poor girl forgot to take the clips out when she'd done her makeup."

LoveTKO · 20/04/2025 19:41

YABU OP. It’s stepping into controlling territory. I might agree with you if one of them wants a punk mohican, but given that’s unlikely and they just want a nice hair doo, you should allow them to choose what suits them.

Uptightmumma · 20/04/2025 19:19

CarpetKnees · 20/04/2025 18:32

Wow. Hmm

Show quote history

Wow what? I’ve also been a bridesmaid 7 times and this is always been the way? It’s normal

Uptightmumma · 20/04/2025 19:17

ruethewhirl · 20/04/2025 18:58

How did they react to that? Are they still on good terms with you?

Show quote history

They were all fine. They all agreed to do it. I’ve also been a bridesmaid 7 times and always had the bride make the decisions on dresses, hair shoes etc I thought it was normal for the bride to chose this stuff

ruethewhirl · 20/04/2025 18:58

Uptightmumma · 20/04/2025 17:35

My bridesmaid, wore the dresses, shoes. Jewellery, hair style and hair slide I chose. My wedding. I paid. Told them them could get changed once the photographer had gone at 8.30

How did they react to that? Are they still on good terms with you?

CarpetKnees · 20/04/2025 18:32

Uptightmumma · 20/04/2025 17:35

My bridesmaid, wore the dresses, shoes. Jewellery, hair style and hair slide I chose. My wedding. I paid. Told them them could get changed once the photographer had gone at 8.30

Wow. Hmm

Uptightmumma · 20/04/2025 17:35

My bridesmaid, wore the dresses, shoes. Jewellery, hair style and hair slide I chose. My wedding. I paid. Told them them could get changed once the photographer had gone at 8.30

CommonAsMucklowe · 20/04/2025 11:44

Pin back a fringe?! OFFS.

Miaminmoo · 20/04/2025 03:25

You can ask the question and as long as you are paying for their hair to be done it’s not too ridiculous. You can’t make your friend lose her fringe though - that’s a step too far

RachelBerry03 · 19/04/2025 20:51

Have you asked them what they would like to do with their hair? you asked them to be bridesmaids presumably because you care about them as people and want them to play a key role in your big day. I don’t think that gives you the right to dictate how they have their hair, unless they like that style anyway.

Glitchymn1 · 19/04/2025 19:41

Agree with the majority, you can ask, but some may have scars or acne they’d rather hide.

MissJeanBrodiesmother · 19/04/2025 19:41

I think your bridesmaids are more than able to judge how they should wear their hair and be comfy. You are becoming a bride zila.

MissJeanBrodiesmother · 19/04/2025 19:39

Why on earth do you need to say what there hair should be like??

Arran2024 · 19/04/2025 19:23

No one will care.

FlowerFairy12 · 19/04/2025 13:06

On my wedding day, I was so excited I just told my bridesmaids to ask for whatever made them feel comfortable. I didn’t give a shit about them looking the same.