Affair | Mumsnet

Katb936 · 01/06/2025 15:45

Having recently been on the receiving end of a cheating husband I would want to know. Don't do it anomalously though, if she is your friend then be a friend. I found out myself because I caught him talking to her and then found the graphic messages and pictures & videos she had been sending him. Its been almost 6 months I am still devastated and it hadn't even reached a physical stage with them when I caught him out. I am however glad I found out.

zippococo · 19/04/2025 00:00

TheCountofMountingCrispBags · 16/04/2025 15:50

He should be bloody outed.
Sick of these religeous types preaching family values, don't sin, don't lie with your neighbours wife, etc, doing precisely what they want because they will ask for forgiveness in confession or at the pearly gates.
The mistress is disgusting too.

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I’m agreeing if it’s all true and his wife ain’t aware. Spill the beans!

useruserusersnoozer · 16/04/2025 15:51

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

TheCountofMountingCrispBags · 16/04/2025 15:50

zippococo · 16/04/2025 11:59

I’d say you’re exposed it already. This post is very outing cos of the detail, wonder how many principles of a catholic college are retiring this year?

He should be bloody outed.
Sick of these religeous types preaching family values, don't sin, don't lie with your neighbours wife, etc, doing precisely what they want because they will ask for forgiveness in confession or at the pearly gates.
The mistress is disgusting too.

Richiewoo · 16/04/2025 15:44

Leave it. It's none of your business.

Hastentoadd · 16/04/2025 15:41

trustedfriend · 16/04/2025 11:35

I know someone whose husband is having an affair. The cheating husband is the principal of a catholic college & retiring this year. Should I expose his affair as several people are now aware of it or just ignore? I would have to do this anonymously if I did as I don’t want to be caught in the crossfire. If it was me I would want to know.

Unless his wife is a dear friend / relative of yours stay out of it, it isn’t any of your business, anonymous letters are awful

Swiftie1878 · 16/04/2025 15:29

trustedfriend · 16/04/2025 13:46

I see the hostile keyboard warriors are out!
I was after advice what was best to do as no doubt it will get back eventually not necessarily through me. It’s not a matter of Getting one over on someone, it was concern for the wife.

I would contact him and tell him to tell his wife, as if he doesn’t, you will.
Then leave it to see what happens.

Like you, if I were the wife I’d want to know, but anonymity is cruel in this situation, and selfish. If he doesn’t tell his wife, you should, but it should come from you, with her interests at heart.

Summertimeblahness · 16/04/2025 15:18

If you were truly concerned for his wife you would already have approached her face to face.

Not agreeing with your motives doesn’t make people keyboard warriors 😂

IPartridge · 16/04/2025 15:15

My exH cheated on me and I would have been very grateful if someone had told me. Only if you are 100% certain though and preferably have some evidence.

SunshineBirdSong · 16/04/2025 14:40

But @trustedfriend your not judge jury and executioner here. For all you know the couple have an open marriage. Butt out none of your business at all

And anyway if you WERE going to tell the wife atleast have the balls to do it face to face

Errors · 16/04/2025 14:36

Torn with this as if I was the wife, I would want to know. But if you tell her anonymously, and she confronts him, there’s every chance he will deny and she will believe him

ByQuaintAzureWasp · 16/04/2025 14:28

zippococo · 16/04/2025 11:59

I’d say you’re exposed it already. This post is very outing cos of the detail, wonder how many principles of a catholic college are retiring this year?

Only 14 in the country!

Bramshott · 16/04/2025 14:04

If something is reasonably common knowledge I'd assume the wife already knows and is okay with it, or knows on one level at least and probably won't thank you for drawing her attention to it.

Cucumbumbulumbers · 16/04/2025 14:03

I don’t think there is a right or wrong answer on this one. Just consequences of your actions/ inactions. It’s the consequences of your actions/ inactions that you will have to live with.

jambunny · 16/04/2025 14:02

I think you’d have to have some sort of proof to send the wife for her to take it seriously. I can totally see why you’d want to tell her, and if it was me I’d want to know.

Allthegoodnamesarechosen · 16/04/2025 14:00

It’s nearly Easter, so how about two quotations from the relevant spiritual authority

‘Let the one who is without sin cast the first stone’

’Judge not,,lest you be judged’

LittleMonks11 · 16/04/2025 13:57

If the mistress is goi g around gossiping about her affair I would suspect that she wants the affair unveiled. The wife will find out sooner or later. If she’s a friend just be there for her. I would very much be minding my own business in this scenario.

Nodlikeyouwerelistening · 16/04/2025 13:56

Sending an anonymous message is weak to be honest. If you’re going to get involved in someone else’s business that you know nothing about really other than one-sided gossip and assumed truths from the so-called affair partner then you need to own that decision and deal with the consequences.
People always talk about cheaters having their cake and eating it too, well the same goes for you. You either tell the wife everything you’ve been told personally, or you don’t. But staying anonymous to protect yourself from any backlash is like having your cake and eating it too.

GeorgeMichaelsCat · 16/04/2025 13:54

trustedfriend · 16/04/2025 12:51

The ‘mistress’ has told me all the details/facts so I am 100% certain. To be a principal of a catholic college you have to have some high morals & live with your actions which have consequences. He could tell her himself & be honest but I doubt that will happen. I feel sorry for her not knowing after they have been together for so long.

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Maybe she was lying?

purplecorkheart · 16/04/2025 13:51

I would take a hard look at yourself and ask what your motives for doing this particularly as you want to do it anonymously.

You have no idea if the mistress is telling the truth or not. Stay out of it.

Beautifulbouquet · 16/04/2025 13:49

I mean what's your plan...send anonymous emails to the chair of governors and his wife??

That's not normal behaviour. Whatever anyone else has done such actions wreak havoc and chaos for so so many people.

You're coming across as being motivated by vengeance not compassion and actions rooted in such motivations are to be avoided.

CremeEggThief · 16/04/2025 13:48

Why? Are you an investigative journalist or something?

Most of us see other people doing things we don't like or approve of every single day. Unless it's illegal, the correct thing to do is mind your own business.

PaintYourAssLikeRembrandt · 16/04/2025 13:48

trustedfriend · 16/04/2025 13:46

I see the hostile keyboard warriors are out!
I was after advice what was best to do as no doubt it will get back eventually not necessarily through me. It’s not a matter of Getting one over on someone, it was concern for the wife.

If you're concerned about the wife then have a face to face conversation with her and tell her what this woman has told you.

Don't send anonomous messages or letters or whatever you were planning.

She deserves some respect.

Original poster

trustedfriend · 16/04/2025 13:46

I see the hostile keyboard warriors are out!
I was after advice what was best to do as no doubt it will get back eventually not necessarily through me. It’s not a matter of Getting one over on someone, it was concern for the wife.

OP posts:

Fgdvevfvdvfbdv · 16/04/2025 13:42

trustedfriend · 16/04/2025 12:51

The ‘mistress’ has told me all the details/facts so I am 100% certain. To be a principal of a catholic college you have to have some high morals & live with your actions which have consequences. He could tell her himself & be honest but I doubt that will happen. I feel sorry for her not knowing after they have been together for so long.

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So the ‘mistress’ has told you? 1. She might be lying, 2. I assume if she’s being truthful you are her friend? So, you also want to throw her under the bus with your “gotcha” moment?