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Original poster

To Feel Silly Dressing Up in Sexy Underwear

93 replies

HappyOak · 16/04/2025 09:34

So been with current boyfriend a few months and to be honest I’m not very body confident, very self conscious of my lumps and bumps,covered in stretch marks and cellulite :( I’ll only have sex in the dark ..
Last night bf texted me he was feeling horny so I threw caution to the wind, dressed up in sexy underwear and did my hair and make up..completely out of my comfort zone … to cut a long story short he came home, took one look at me and said he wasn’t feeling his best,lots of paperwork at work which had got him down and could we take a rain check on the sex ..
Felt utterly ridiculous lying there in my cheap nylon stockings etc and just wanted to sob my heart out ..
Am I being over sensitive? Unreasonable? I just want you to all know what it took for me to dress up like that because I hate my lumpy body and have never felt sexy in my life … 😢

OP posts:
Original poster
HappyOak · 16/04/2025 12:31

Vivaea · 16/04/2025 12:28

Don’t be so tough on yourself. As another person with low self esteem, it can be easy to miss red flags in men and this one is waving a huge red flag. Even IF he was ‘repulsed’ by your body - which is a big if - the way he went about it was deliberately cruel. Suggesting sex and then rejecting you when he got home? That sounds like deliberate cruelty to me.

I will say what a lot of people have said to me - YOU are not the problem. HE is the problem. He clearly doesn’t deserve you. Most men would be lucky to have a woman dress up for them!

Thank you so much sweetheart .. this means so much ❤️

OP posts:
getearnow · 16/04/2025 12:30

So he text you and said he was horny and then he came round later? I bet he had a wank and couldn’t get hard again

ChaToilLeam · 16/04/2025 12:30

I think he set you up for this and he is a cruel prick. Another one to consign to the dustbin. It’s not you, it’s him.

XWKD · 16/04/2025 12:29

It sounds like he wanted to humiliate you. It has nothing to do with your body.

Vivaea · 16/04/2025 12:28

Don’t be so tough on yourself. As another person with low self esteem, it can be easy to miss red flags in men and this one is waving a huge red flag. Even IF he was ‘repulsed’ by your body - which is a big if - the way he went about it was deliberately cruel. Suggesting sex and then rejecting you when he got home? That sounds like deliberate cruelty to me.

I will say what a lot of people have said to me - YOU are not the problem. HE is the problem. He clearly doesn’t deserve you. Most men would be lucky to have a woman dress up for them!

AngryLikeHades · 16/04/2025 12:27

Oh babe, that's no good. I'd think about dumping him, especially as he said he wanted you waiting.

Original poster
HappyOak · 16/04/2025 12:21

ItGhoul · 16/04/2025 12:08

OP, your body is not the problem. Your body is not the thing that made you feel bad here. The thing that made you feel bad was your boyfriend, who deliberately humiliated you because he wants to make you feel like you're not good enough for him. Seriously. You are ignoring so many red flags here.

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No honestly I agree with everything you’ve said, it was a callous move and I’m absolutely broken… I cover my tummy with my hand during sex and never once has he removed my hand … I repulse him .. clearly .. my self esteem is non existent .. I was abused on many levels as a child and young adult and self respect and self worth are alien concepts to me .. I’m sorry I come across as pathetic .. I’m just being honest ..

OP posts:
Original poster
HappyOak · 16/04/2025 12:11

ItGhoul · 16/04/2025 12:05

Be careful the point doesn't hit the light fittings as it flies directly over your head

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👏

OP posts:
BlondiePortz · 16/04/2025 12:09

HappyOak · 16/04/2025 11:54

Why do you need to know?

Edited
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Maturity level i presume

Original poster
HappyOak · 16/04/2025 12:09

ItGhoul · 16/04/2025 12:03

This is such a naive take.

He has told her he liked it when his ex dressed up in sexy underwear for him. He also told her he was feeling horny and literally told her to go to his house and wait for him with the express purpose of having sex.

In any case, even if he isn't a fan of sexy underwear (which he's already told her he is), just looking at her and saying 'Nah, changed my mind' is an implausible reaction to that. Generally speaking, men don't just completely switch off like that because you wear something they don't like much. They just get you to take it off.

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Thank you …this is spot on! He has expressed several times he’s a fan of lingerie ..clearly just not me in lingerie which seems to be where the issue lies …

OP posts:
ItGhoul · 16/04/2025 12:08

HappyOak · 16/04/2025 12:04

It’s not the underwear I hate, it’s my body.. I wanted to feel good, I went out on a limb because I’m tired of hating my body, tired of having sex in the dark, taking my clothes off under the covers, repulsing myself when I look at myself naked in the mirror.. I figured id try a different tactic …turn things on their head ..I guess I was hoping for a positive reaction, praise,desire .. a spark of something positive that would turn the tide on my self loathing but I’ve realised that has to come from within… it would’ve been a start though …

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OP, your body is not the problem. Your body is not the thing that made you feel bad here. The thing that made you feel bad was your boyfriend, who deliberately humiliated you because he wants to make you feel like you're not good enough for him. Seriously. You are ignoring so many red flags here.

ItGhoul · 16/04/2025 12:05

StMarie4me · 16/04/2025 11:57

Why do it then? Surely good lingerie would be better? I’m so confused as to why you’d adorn yourself with cheap stuff that you hate…?

Be careful the point doesn't hit the light fittings as it flies directly over your head

Original poster
HappyOak · 16/04/2025 12:04

StMarie4me · 16/04/2025 11:57

Why do it then? Surely good lingerie would be better? I’m so confused as to why you’d adorn yourself with cheap stuff that you hate…?

It’s not the underwear I hate, it’s my body.. I wanted to feel good, I went out on a limb because I’m tired of hating my body, tired of having sex in the dark, taking my clothes off under the covers, repulsing myself when I look at myself naked in the mirror.. I figured id try a different tactic …turn things on their head ..I guess I was hoping for a positive reaction, praise,desire .. a spark of something positive that would turn the tide on my self loathing but I’ve realised that has to come from within… it would’ve been a start though …

OP posts:
ItGhoul · 16/04/2025 12:03

Greenfinch7 · 16/04/2025 11:19

I don't know- this doesn't seem so black and white to me, but I am not disagreeing with everyone, just suggesting it's possible there is another angle...

You didn't feel great about yourself dressed in sexy underwear, and maybe he is attracted to you in your normal natural state, and was a little taken aback by a new version of you. I think it is worth talking to him about it (if you feel able to), rather than assuming he is trying to make you feel bad? I am probably wrong, but what is he like in other ways? Is he kind and thoughtful?

This is such a naive take.

He has told her he liked it when his ex dressed up in sexy underwear for him. He also told her he was feeling horny and literally told her to go to his house and wait for him with the express purpose of having sex.

In any case, even if he isn't a fan of sexy underwear (which he's already told her he is), just looking at her and saying 'Nah, changed my mind' is an implausible reaction to that. Generally speaking, men don't just completely switch off like that because you wear something they don't like much. They just get you to take it off.

WickWood · 16/04/2025 12:00

He sounds absolutely awful. I also can't believe that he told you his exs used to dress up in sexy lingerie? Why do you need to know that? If my partner told me his ex girlfriends dressed up for him he'd be history.

I'm not the most body confident and had a baby recently, but I feel comfortable because my partner makes me feel comfortable and its very obvious how much he loves my body, in sexy underwear or without. I'm so sorry your partner isn't making you feel the same x

StMarie4me · 16/04/2025 11:57

Why do it then? Surely good lingerie would be better? I’m so confused as to why you’d adorn yourself with cheap stuff that you hate…?

Original poster
HappyOak · 16/04/2025 11:54

O2Arena · 16/04/2025 11:22

@HappyOak sorry OP but how old are you? Are you in 20s/30s?

Why do you need to know?

OP posts:
O2Arena · 16/04/2025 11:22

@HappyOak sorry OP but how old are you? Are you in 20s/30s?

Greenfinch7 · 16/04/2025 11:19

I don't know- this doesn't seem so black and white to me, but I am not disagreeing with everyone, just suggesting it's possible there is another angle...

You didn't feel great about yourself dressed in sexy underwear, and maybe he is attracted to you in your normal natural state, and was a little taken aback by a new version of you. I think it is worth talking to him about it (if you feel able to), rather than assuming he is trying to make you feel bad? I am probably wrong, but what is he like in other ways? Is he kind and thoughtful?

Newmumhere40 · 16/04/2025 11:07

HappyOak · 16/04/2025 09:42

No he’s fine with sexy underwear etc and has told me how his exes used to wear sexy lingerie for him

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Oh no he didn't....wtf...why would he tell you that. Get rid of him now.

BlondiePortz · 16/04/2025 10:56

Maybe i am wrong but i would be turned off myself if my husband was turned on by me wearing that I see nothing sexy in it at all

Panfish · 16/04/2025 10:50

HappyOak · 16/04/2025 10:29

😢

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Is being single and get professional therapy to get in a good place such a sad prospect?

Original poster
HappyOak · 16/04/2025 10:29

Panfish · 16/04/2025 10:04

Stop getting in to relationships
get therapy
be single for some time

😢

OP posts:
Panfish · 16/04/2025 10:04

Stop getting in to relationships
get therapy
be single for some time

ItGhoul · 16/04/2025 10:01

OP, I’ve just realised you are the person whose previous partner told you he fancied 13-year-old girls, and your (current? previous?) boyfriend’s friends all drink like fish and mock you for not drinking despite you having grown up in a family of alcoholics, and he takes Viagra.

You’ve only been divorced for what, a year or so? Seriously, I think you need to be single for a while and stop dating because you seem very vulnerable and insecure. You don’t have to date someone just because they show an interest in you, you know. It is OK to be single. It is OK to ditch someone the moment they make you feel like shit.