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Husband failed interview for own job, panicking!

320 replies

UpsetAtInterview · 16/04/2025 09:25

Name changed for this one. My husband has been on fixed term contracts for 4 years and interviews came up for permanent positions. He placed high in last years interviews and just missed out on a job, but the wait list ran out so there was a new round in interviews. He was in a pissy mood leading up to it, annoyed at having to re-interview again. He just found out he failed the interview. We're now facing a cliff edge financially as we can't get by on just my wage and his contract finishes in 6 weeks.

I'm so angry at him. I was the breadwinner until our first child turned two. Then he got this job and it was great, he doubled his salary just as the cost of living increase hit so we were okay. I worked so hard for years, I even did interviews heavily pregnant to get us in a good position financially and he's just thrown it all away because he couldn't get out of his own way and actually apply himself for a few days. He didn't take the prep seriously and was blindsided in the interview.

He's devastated, doesn't want to go back to work for last few weeks of his contract, doesn't want to complete his remaining projects. I am trying to comfort him and can see he's emotionally fragile but I just want to scream at him 'Why did you let us down? Why didn't you do the work to make sure your family is looked after?'. I wouldn't mind if he tried his best and it didn't work out, but he didn't. Am I unreasonable to be so angry? Should I tell him? Should I just try and help him get a new job first?

OP posts:
mainecooncatonahottinroof · 19/04/2025 15:21

peppermintcrumble · 19/04/2025 14:57

You literally said “people shouldn't have to be interviewed for a job they are already doing”

To make it permanent when it wasn’t originally, that’s what has to happen.

I meant in specific circumstances. That's why I referred to "temporary".

peppermintcrumble · 19/04/2025 14:57

mainecooncatonahottinroof · 19/04/2025 14:55

I never said you could.

You literally said “people shouldn't have to be interviewed for a job they are already doing”

To make it permanent when it wasn’t originally, that’s what has to happen.

mainecooncatonahottinroof · 19/04/2025 14:55

peppermintcrumble · 19/04/2025 14:51

In the civil service we have something called ‘fair and open competition’. You can’t just hand someone a permanent job.

I never said you could.

peppermintcrumble · 19/04/2025 14:51

mainecooncatonahottinroof · 19/04/2025 14:44

I fundamentally disagree with it - people shouldn't have to be interviewed for a job they are already doing, particularly when they have accrued full employment rights, unless it was clearly a temporary role.

I'm not sure that it's as standard practice as you're making it out to be.

In the civil service we have something called ‘fair and open competition’. You can’t just hand someone a permanent job.

mainecooncatonahottinroof · 19/04/2025 14:44

rookiemere · 19/04/2025 07:56

It is regarding the comments that it’s unfair that he has to interview for the role and it’s all the mean nasty companies fault.
That's the process these days in most large companies and it seems weird to me to take issue with it.

I fundamentally disagree with it - people shouldn't have to be interviewed for a job they are already doing, particularly when they have accrued full employment rights, unless it was clearly a temporary role.

I'm not sure that it's as standard practice as you're making it out to be.

Gwenhwyfar · 19/04/2025 14:38

"That's the process these days in most large companies and it seems weird to me to take issue with it."

"That's the process" doesn't make it right.
The fact remains that he was clearly able to do the job.

CharliePoppins · 19/04/2025 14:36

I don’t think you are unreasonable to be pissed off at all OP.

Your DH isn’t a single man, he has a family to take care of, and his failure to prepare and buck up his attitude has had an awful consequence for the family’s finances.

Currently in a similar situation, although i’m stuck on maternity leave with an 9 week old, and self employed so I can’t do a great deal. DH royally messed up his very cushy job, taking the piss with not going into the office and turning down a managerial role as he thought it was beneath him and prefers to ‘do’ rather than ‘manage’, he always said they need him too much to get rid of him when I questioned his work attitude the past few months. They made him redundant at the start of April, and kept everyone in his team minus him.

I am beyond pissed. DH knows im pissed, although i am being supportive. He also messed up his first interview for a new job by saying it’ll ‘be easy’ as its ‘low paid’…. so he did no prep. he didnt get it. Hes had one more interview and through to the final HR stage and is pretty much in the bag, his attitude has changed alot and he did a lot of prep for it. It sounds like my DH thought he was invincible like yours did.

To say its frustrating is an understatement when you can see your DH not taking something seriously which directly impacts your family in a major way. It adds so much more unnecessary stress.

Hopefully onwards and upwards for you from here now he is working on his CV etc x

rookiemere · 19/04/2025 07:56

mainecooncatonahottinroof · 19/04/2025 01:32

I don't understand your comment, "people who don’t work or have been in the same job for a very long time"? What is the relevance of that?

It is regarding the comments that it’s unfair that he has to interview for the role and it’s all the mean nasty companies fault.
That's the process these days in most large companies and it seems weird to me to take issue with it.

RedHelenB · 19/04/2025 02:28

BlondeMummyto1 · 16/04/2025 09:30

I think he should move jobs regardless. 4 years on fixed term contracts is ridiculous.
I don’t think it’s his fault he failed so I wouldn’t be mad at him.

You’re being awful and it’s unfair they even put him in this position.

This. I don't think they wanted him.

mainecooncatonahottinroof · 19/04/2025 01:32

rookiemere · 18/04/2025 19:37

Some very odd responses here presumably from people who don’t work or have been in the same job for a very long time.

The civil service interview process for permanent jobs is in place to ensure there is a standard procedure for giving roles to avoid any claims of nepotism or discrimination. Most large organisations run a STAR question system and provide guidance on what type of questions will be asked. If you choose not to use that information to prepare, then even if you are doing the role currently you are unlikely to do a great interview unless you’re incredibly good at thinking on your feet. I do have to say I would be annoyed at DH for choosing not to use the resources available to prep, it wouldn’t have taken him long as you can use the same example for multiple questions.

No one deserves a position simply for length of service- although I can’t comment on the legal aspects of that. I know in my previous role in a large organisation, for temporary staff we would often put up with “good enough “ to do the job as it desperately needed done, and then of course once the person had done their security checks, initial training and were on the books, even if they weren’t amazing it was a lot easier than getting a new person in.
However permanent staff are a different business, not least because you actually have to performance manage them. Absolutely no manager ever wants to take someone on if there is a whiff that they might ever need to put them on a performance plan because it’s a massive drain on time and rarely leads to a good outcome, therefore they will be a lot choosier.

Ultimately what has happened is done. At least he is focusing on getting his cv up to date.

I don't understand your comment, "people who don’t work or have been in the same job for a very long time"? What is the relevance of that?

rookiemere · 18/04/2025 19:37

Some very odd responses here presumably from people who don’t work or have been in the same job for a very long time.

The civil service interview process for permanent jobs is in place to ensure there is a standard procedure for giving roles to avoid any claims of nepotism or discrimination. Most large organisations run a STAR question system and provide guidance on what type of questions will be asked. If you choose not to use that information to prepare, then even if you are doing the role currently you are unlikely to do a great interview unless you’re incredibly good at thinking on your feet. I do have to say I would be annoyed at DH for choosing not to use the resources available to prep, it wouldn’t have taken him long as you can use the same example for multiple questions.

No one deserves a position simply for length of service- although I can’t comment on the legal aspects of that. I know in my previous role in a large organisation, for temporary staff we would often put up with “good enough “ to do the job as it desperately needed done, and then of course once the person had done their security checks, initial training and were on the books, even if they weren’t amazing it was a lot easier than getting a new person in.
However permanent staff are a different business, not least because you actually have to performance manage them. Absolutely no manager ever wants to take someone on if there is a whiff that they might ever need to put them on a performance plan because it’s a massive drain on time and rarely leads to a good outcome, therefore they will be a lot choosier.

Ultimately what has happened is done. At least he is focusing on getting his cv up to date.

Bluedenimdoglover · 18/04/2025 16:54

Put yourself in his position. He must feel.pretty awful at the moment. Now is the time for encouragement, not losing your rag with him.

pollymere · 18/04/2025 13:26

I suspect much of the interview process is about attitude and resilience rather than aptitude. I once got offered a job because the preferred candidate hadn't done any real prep for the job. They left the organisation shortly after and I took on their role as part of mine! It may be that they wanted to see how candidates would work under this type of pressure and irritation.

You just need to focus onward and upward. These things happen. My DH did the same in his interview for Medical School... And I think it was actually the best "mistake" he ever made.

Introa · 18/04/2025 13:06

Been in this position before, he may seem like he was pissy before the interview and to be fair he was entitled to be, as it seems they really are not interested in hiring him permanently and just filling the role until someone more to their taste comes in, and your partner deep down knows this. I can assure you now if they really wanted him permanently the interview would have just been a tick box exercise as they need to show they are following legislation by interviewing. He needs to leave or be an expendable asset.

Towwanthustice · 18/04/2025 12:26

BlondeMummyto1 · 16/04/2025 09:30

I think he should move jobs regardless. 4 years on fixed term contracts is ridiculous.
I don’t think it’s his fault he failed so I wouldn’t be mad at him.

You’re being awful and it’s unfair they even put him in this position.

This
Yeah he maybes should have applied himself more BUT its time to be a supportive partner surely?

peppermintcrumble · 18/04/2025 12:12

Sadworld23 · 18/04/2025 11:21

Imhe if they want to give you the job, and they obvs know him and his work, someone let you know what to get up to date on, subtly of course. Perhaps DH knew they didn't want him and was therefore not motivated.

He would have known. Civil service interviews follow specific formats with information available up front about what’s being tested.

But no, this is categorically not allowed and not done beyond information that goes to all candidates.

Potsofpetals · 18/04/2025 12:09

The bright side is the civil service is shit pay. My own mother was a civil servant who got pissed off and went triple her salary elsewhere. He needs to start looking for other jobs today.

UpsetAtInterview · 18/04/2025 12:08

2JFDIYOLO · 18/04/2025 10:27

Are you feeling better today?

You've both had a shock and you're both scared, and you're reacting in your own ways.

You're exasperated and angry, with a touch of I told you so in the mix.

He's embarrassed and ashamed, realising he screwed up, that he should have done this preparation and is probably feeling a bit cut down. Rejection is hard. Especially when we know we're responsible.

Time to get over yourselves. You have children and your own job to think of.

I hope he's got more rational over the last few days and knows he must finish this contract, for his reputation and his reference. And the possibility of a future contract if he stays in the FTC game.

Has he reviewed his CV yet?

Thank you for the kind and constructive response. I am a little better, he wallowed for a few days but is now taking about approaching recruiters and investigating the potential of a 4 year contract becoming permanent.

He's looking at his CV and thinking about what jobs he can apply for if his contract ends. Even though he wasn't successful, it could be months before they posts are filled. So now the shock had worn off, we're thankfully not facing financial ruin at the end of the month.

OP posts:
daisychain01 · 18/04/2025 12:00

Get your DH to contact ACAS and explain his situation to them accurately.

Get ACAS to confirm his rights as regards 4 years continuous fixed term contracts. This normally entitles him to permanent employment. For this he needs to write to the recruiter for the post he was rejected for and state that he believes he has the right to permanent employment.

what has he got to lose?

Late40sBloomer · 18/04/2025 11:57

If he's worked for them for more than 2 years, how can this happen? I thought employment law protected temporary workers from this type of situation?
Is it worth contacting a union or citizens advice?

UpsetAtInterview · 18/04/2025 11:47

hazylazydayz · 18/04/2025 08:11

I agree with ☝️. OP isn't asking for employment law advice really and has explained the sector etc, she's asking about whether her emotional response is reasonable - and it is of course. OP works full time and they have 2 toddlers. The stress is real. I reckon the above is an emotionally intelligent bit of advice.

Thank you both for the supportive replies, and everyone else who had been helpful and constructive too. It is still a shock, I keep realising new things like we'll lose our tax free discount for childcare if he isn't working, but he seems to be coming through it. A bit of working from home and space has helped. He's tooling up his CV and is investigating how to formally flag up that he's been working continuously for 4 years. I don't know if it will help, as PP's have said, there are ways around it but at least he's will need a months notice and will be entitled to redundancy.

I've been fully supportive of him in person and have only vented on line here. To be honest, having lots of people say they'd be angry too but it's time to buck up and move forward mirrors what I've been feeling. So thank you all. I appreciate the inner workings of the public sector are a bit of a dark art, but I am thankful for all the legal guidance too.

OP posts:
MoodyMargaret11 · 18/04/2025 11:24

ilovesushi · 18/04/2025 11:15

That is an absolute pisser for both of you. I would be raging if I were you at him but also at the workplace. I hate bloody tick box interviews when a candidate has already proved themself in the job. I have seen it at my own workplace where we have someone fantastic on a shorter term contract who is outperformed by someone else in the interview and you lose a valued member of the team. I always think do you want someone good at the job or good at interviews? Was his complacency actually masking a fear about the interview? I hate job interviews. Often the stakes are so high and find myself clicking into survival mode. However, I always go in well prepared.

Absolutely, it's such bollocks!
And you're right there is no need once someone has proven themselves, also many reasons people may not interview well but they are still great at the job.

Sadworld23 · 18/04/2025 11:21

peppermintcrumble · 18/04/2025 11:11

Or they did want him but because he didn’t take the interview seriously they couldn’t score him highest.

Imhe if they want to give you the job, and they obvs know him and his work, someone let you know what to get up to date on, subtly of course. Perhaps DH knew they didn't want him and was therefore not motivated.

MoodyMargaret11 · 18/04/2025 11:21

BookishBabe · 16/04/2025 09:32

I was on a 0 hours contact for years. Finally a stable and permanent position became available and I interviewed and didn't get it. It went to someone younger with no experience. It was absolutely heartbreaking and terrible for my self esteem, at the same time as telling me I was unsuccessful, they asked me to work the following day.
I know its hard, but its so easy to think "I do this job everyday, how much do I need to prepare?"
I did interview prep for mine, but its still so hard.
Try and take it easy on him.

So sorry they treated you so awfully, I'd be so upset too. Clearly not your fault though, you were "good enough" for a whole year when it suited them to call you in for bank shifts. Then suddenly you aren't for a permanent job? Same with OPs husband, he must have been considered capable and good at his job if they kept him for 4 Years! Should be a no brainer going permanent for the same role, why is even an interview needed??

Toodaloo1567 · 18/04/2025 11:21

Sally20099 · 18/04/2025 07:46

I think you are very unreasonable - 4 years on a fixed contract and then made to interview again. Poor man. And what’s worse is his DP has reacted by being angry at him. Glad my DP is more supportive than you are.

Not sure if the OP is aware, but after 4 years FTC completes, you automtically become a permanent employee. The employer would have known this. It could be an internal HR policy to avoid permanent contracts by automatically not renewing his at the fifth year.

https://www.gov.uk/fixed-term-contracts/renewing-or-ending-a-fixedterm-contract

Fixed-term employment contracts

Employees' rights at work under fixed-term contracts - and what happens if a contract is renewed or ended

https://www.gov.uk/fixed-term-contracts/renewing-or-ending-a-fixedterm-contract

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