To think there isn’t a lot of forgiveness if you mess up?

I like to think I’m forgiving. I’ve had to learn to be and I think maturity and growing up has a lot to do with it. Im hardly perfect! I also have learned that it’s possible to forgive people but reduce contact with them.

Probably a hugely unpopular thing to say here but I’m a Catholic (who’s recently begun practising again) and much of the sermons at my local chapel are just about being a decent person and treating your neighbours well. It’s definitely given me pause for thought in how I treat others who've made mistakes.

I don’t recognise this in day to day life.

People make mistakes, apologise, change their behaviour and people move on.

If someone has inflicted considerable harm, then yes, there can be consequences. Some harms you just can’t come back from. Others are the same thing repeated over and over, so apologies are meaningless.

But mostly, mess up, recognise it, apologise and fix it, and that is that.

It depends on the mistake and the impact really.

Yes, I agree. There can be a lot of reasons why people make mistakes and people generally aren’t interested in the back story because they are too focused on themselves.

This.
I was deeply hurt by a friend back in November. She knew me better than I knew myself and she humiliated me in the worst way she could. I have been so upset since and it has changed me.
A mutual party recently told me that she too is upset. She has made herself ill since this happened.
But I have not had an apology. I would be open to one. I would listen and respect the balls it would take to say sorry. But how can I assume repentance if she says nothing

My husband uses the phrase "it was a mistake" to try and dismiss behaviour over which he had complete control, that has significant negative consequences for others. To me a mistake is adding some numbers up incorrectly, a misspelled word, or taking the wrong exit on the roundabout. So I guess it depends on what you mean by mistake.

I don’t recognise this with work and friends at all. But I think people are becoming less forgiving of mistakes their own parents have made. There’s constant advice on here to cut contact with parents who are difficult and that seems new. When I was young people were supposed to respect their parents no matter what.

I’m not sure whether this is a good or a bad thing. It’s good that people are less willing to put up with behaviour that hurts them, but there is also a lot of loneliness around.

I haven't experienced this, but I have experienced people being unable to genuinely apologise.

I don't think it's the mistakes that stay with you, it's how you deal with things afterwards. I find if you take responsibility and make amends as well as you possibly can, most people will move on.

Although by mistakes, do you mean poor decisions that you knew would harm people, but hoped to get away with because no one would find out?

I don't think that people holding things against you is anything new. If anything, I find this society more tolerant than the society that existed when I was a much younger woman. That said, yes, everyone deserves some grace and understanding, except for the usual suspects eg Trump, abusers etc.

No I think it’s good to believe who people are. Most people don’t create mayhem for others. It’s very very sensible to ring fence the bad uns.

I agree with you OP.

It seems that making a mistake really alters people's perception of you for ever.
I know that in some cases this is justified if it is a serious mistake that reveals a deep flaw in your character and judgement.

But often mistakes that are born out of circumstances and which don't have bad consequences for other people/ things still make people view you differently.

And often people don't seem to have any capacity for empathy or understanding.

And some take an active pleasure in the fact you have messed up.